I can't stand hearing my mother's walker bang

[WWW]

in the hallway. She is very quiet with the walker when the kids or others are here. But when she knows I am in hearing distance and the only one home she bangs it away. She also screams when she gets into her chair, but not whenever anyone else is up or in the house. Please give me a gun. This is 35 years of enduring her health problems and I know she will outlive us all. (note, the doctor says there is nothing wrong with her)

This is a rant and you don't have to respond.

[DS1]

1. move out

[liberalnurse]

2. Send her to a long term care facility for a

weekend respite. She may get the "hint" that there are other options. I've seen it done before....great attitude adjustment tool.

[WWW]

3. WHAT A GREAT IDEA

yes that is exactly what I will do :)

[liberalnurse]

5. The family doctor can arrange it. Make sure the place

smells of urine and old folks are yelling out, "help, nurse".

[Bertha Venation]

17. hell, yeah. great idea.

And if it doesn't make her shape up, she may like it and ask for the move.

Good luck.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. You need a walkman!

:D
Then mom can bang her walker and you can listen to some groovin tunes

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. Mine wakes me up in the middle of the night with her walker...

as she goes to the bathroom. Because she can't hear it, she thinks I can't.

[WWW]

8. No my mother is playing the pay attention to me card n/t

[liberalnurse]

11. This will only get worse.

[greatauntoftriplets]

12. Disturbs the sleep I need to cope...

...with a demanding job that requires 9 hours in the office every day and on my toes.

[Southsideirish]

7. How about earplugs? Personally I couldn't 'live without 'em. (n/t)

[Bertha Venation]

9. hug

:hug:

[WWW]

14. No Bertha I said a GUN! n/t :)

[Bertha Venation]

16. Don't have one, and

don't want to see you in prison.

Cold comfort. Sorry.

:hug:

[silverlib]

10. Sounds like my mom...

edited - gee spell check doesn't work on edit (sorry)

She sufferred from hypochondria, the least talked about and hardest to treat mental illness.

I read "My Mother, Myself" and constantly worry I'll look in the mirror one day and be my mother.

Other than that whopper, she was a good woman, but a lonely one. Hypocondriacs don't understand why people do not like to be around them.

[rasputin1952]

13. Put tennis balls on the legs!

And, she may be hollering because there is pain when she sits, this is not uncommon. Might be a good idea to get ther to an MD and find out if there is a pinched nerve or whatnot.

Also...get some THICK carpet!

O8)

[Robb]

28. I was going to suggest just this!

I would also suggest attaching the tennis balls with super glue.

[TeeYiYi]

15. Don't have to respond? . . .

. . . I can't help it. You made me laugh. (OUT LOUD!) :7

It's hard to watch your parents and grandparents grow old. Patience is a virtue when it comes to enduring some of their antics and infirmities. And repeated stories. And I always carry guilt for being annoyed by, or questioning the true extent of their situation. Like you wondering if your mom would bang around that way if you weren't there. I'm always wondering if limping becomes more exaggerated when there are people around. I don't even want to tell you who I'm talking about. See, now I'm feeling guilty again. Aaarghhh. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to this topic. I don't like even talking about it. But you definitely have my empathy.

TYY :hug:

[Skittles]

18. I HAVE SOME ROPE

BUT I'M SAVING IT TO USE ON MYSELF BECAUSE OF A COWORKER WHO MAKES ME WANT TO HANG MYSELF.

[GOPisEvil]

19. Hang your co-worker instead.

You're more fun to have around that the co-worker.

[Skittles]

23. OMG DAVID, LET ME START WITH THE BASICS

SHE CANNOT TYPE OR SPELL. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
SHE TYPES WITH TWO FINGERS AND HAS TO LOOK AT THE KEYBOARD WHEN SHE IS TYPING. I SENT OUT 38 EMAILS YESTERDAY; THAT WOULD TAKE HER FREAKING YEARS TO DO.

She has a boring story and an ugly f***ing sweater for EVERY occasion. When she tells one of her stories I am AWOL (asleep without lids). It's worse than Tom's parents. It's f***ing TORTURE.

On top of that she has a LOUD, nasal New Yawk accent that makes my HAIR stand on end (don't you New Yawkers flame me; I'm not anti-New-Yawk-accents; I am anti-THIS-PARTICULAR-ONE. It is the proverbial FINGERS ON A BLACKBOARD.)

This on top of the Austin folk; I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE. Notice it is 03:15 and I am still working on the page I got three hours ago. Someone just freaking KILL ME ALREADY.

[WWW]

20. And then I served hamburg soup tonight

When you know I had beef for lunch! chicken, beef, chicken , beef, chicken, beef, get with the program! This sounds like a sponge bob episode....!

[pop goes the weasel]

21. well...

As someone who has a difficult to diagnose mobility problem myself, and knows many others with the same condition, and has a now-grown child who inherited the condition, I don't put any stock in doctor's statements that there is nothing wrong. They say that whenever they don't know what is wrong. Why, they will even say that when you take your small child to the ER with a blue, numb arm.

Anyways, I don't know what really is going on with your mom. Whether or not there is an actual physical problem, you should be able to ask her to please not scream and clatter around unless she is in need of immediate help. Ask her if she really is in need of such constant help, and outline the options for her if that is the case. Make one of those options family therapy. And good luck.

[arwalden]

22. This Sounds Like The Opening Scene From A Movie...

... a horror movie.
... a very bad horror movie.

-- Allen

[kskiska]

26. Sounds kinda like "Where's Poppa?"

where George Segal lives with his senile mother and had promised Poppa on his deathbed that Mama would never be put in a "h-h-h-h-home." He's hired nurses to take care of her, but they all quit, and he's at his wit's end. Funny movie.

[Pobeka]

29. "Throw Mama From the Walker"

You gotta hire someone to come and wrestle her to the ground, let us know what happens next, she may start running!

Just do it when "The night was dark", or "The night was hot", or ...

[Lostmessage]

24. I will respond

Do you know what I would give to hear my Mothers walker bang again one more time in my house. I haven't heard it for years and my Mom died when I was young and I miss her so damn bad that sometimes I don't like being alive.
So that banging noise is a good noise and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I endured 10 years of wiping her butt when she would go to the bathroom on herself and do you know I wasn't even out of High School when I had to start taking care of her on and off. I had to stop working at 26 and I gave up the thought of getting married and having any kids because I had to take care of her until the day that she died.
Sorry for the rant!

[rasputin1952]

25. Strange how all of the little insignifigant things that bothered us...

just don't make any difference anymore, when they can no longer be heard or felt. May your mom rest in peace, and I wipe a tear away for you.

O8)

[kskiska]

27. With women having children late in life now

your story will become commonplace in the near future, Lostmessage.

[Lostmessage]

31. I have to find a man first

That's kind of hard to do when your stuck inside the house with tons of snow on the ground.

[Shanty Oilish]

33. Well said Lostmessage

I know if my mom were here, hobbling about with a walker, she'd still make me look useless, clueless and lazy. She was that good. I miss her every day. I had my own personal angel on earth, in her. Since she's been gone, well, for sure Heaven is shipshape now.

[TeeYiYi]

30. Re: Hey, it sounds like you want to talk..

"I am all ears...sound like you are going thru the same thing I am..Pleae vent...:)"

To all who are wondering what this is, WWW reached out to me privately with an offer to talk regarding my post #15. I appreciate his/her concern and have decided to respond publicly so that everyone who has been touched by this thread can read my reply . . .

Nah. It's not the same because I don't live with the person I was referring to. I just think that people are passive aggressive with their infirmities when they are mad at someone. A limp becomes more pronounced or a walker suddenly gets banged where before it was quiet. It sounds like your mom feels that you don't understand her suffering (her perceived suffering) so she's going to make sure you see it. And likewise, you don't think your mom appreciates what you do for her, which is a helluva lot, and you also question her so called suffering. It sounds like you need to call a truce with her and let her know that you love her and do understand that she is suffering. Whether you do or not is beside the point. She'll quiet down when you stop fighting and acknowledge her situation. Another thing. People who are sick get angry. They are angry at themselves, angry at their bodies for letting them down, angry at other people for not being sick, angry at other people for not appreciating how sick they are, etc. . . . So you mom is probably carrying around a lot of anger. Maybe she needs counseling. Maybe you should talk to her about this and offer to get her in to see someone. Let her know that if she can't manage her anger, you are going to have to consider a different arrangement. I think you just need to talk to her.

Thanks for offering an understanding ear. Like you, I didn't believe there was anything wrong with my mom. I thought she was doing it for attention. I think my father thought the same thing. For years it went on like that. It turned out she has MS. So I was wrong, he was wrong, and now she suffers in silence where before she didn't. She just wanted someone to believe her I guess. Now we do. Once in awhile I see her limp appear to be more exaggerated when she knows someone is watching. I don't know why that is or if I am even right about this. She'll be in a wheelchair soon so I don't question her as much as I used to. In this situation, I think the problem is more about me than my mom. I guess I just didn't want to believe that there was anything wrong with my mom. I wanted her to be healthy and happy. She does seem happier now that everyone knows she has MS. It had to be hard on her when everyone thought she was faking. I think that being sick is hard on everyone. It is hard to live with a sick person. My sister got a malignant brain tumor and her husband divorced her rather than go through it with her. That was 12 years ago. It went into remission, she remarried and had two children and now it is starting all over again. Only this time I don't think she is going to make it. Watching this a second time is terribly hard. I thank god or whomever that this husband didn't abandon her but I would understand if he did. I would hate him for it but I would understand. I don't even want to talk about my sister because I am so afraid I'm going to lose her (not if but when) but lets just say that she also has the same traits we discussed earlier. Where suffering is sometimes more pronounced or exaggerated. Who am I to judge? She is living with a death sentence and I'm sure she is angry as hell. So am I. I face losing a sister, her kids face losing a mother and her husband faces losing his life partner and companion.

I guess the only answer is to love your family the best that you can while you've got them. You'll miss them like hell when they're gone. And you'll live with regret. That you didn't try harder to do more for them while they were alive. To try harder to help them through their pain and suffering. And to try to be a little more understanding. It is truly hard to live with a sick person. And I think that everyone gets to experience it before they're through with this journey called life.

TYY

[Shanty Oilish]

32. Don't think of it as a banging walker, but a tolling bell

Ask not for whom the bell tolls...