I need a hug

[MissMillie]

It's official. My son lives with me again. He's back with me after every person he chose to trust took advantage of him in almost every sense of the word.

I moved out of the apartment we shared in February. Coming home was not fun back then. He and his friend who had moved in with us did not treat me very nicely. He was squandering away a rather large inheritance, as well as a scholarship he had earned. Besides that, every request I made of them from chores to not playing the electric guitars after 10pm went ignored, so I left.

And as my son's money dwindled, he took in roommates who told him they would chip in, and they didn't. Worse than that, some of them out-right robbed him.

And then they left him, and they left all their stuff behind for him to clean up.

I want very much for us to be able to live together. I would like for him to think about what he can do or learn now so that he will be able to provide for himself in the future. I want him to get a better sense of how to handle money.

Mostly, I want him to show that he appreciates my taking him back in. I don't want him to do all the chores, but if I ask for 30 minutes a day, I should get it, without an argument. And when I ask him about what his plans are for tonight, or next week, or next year, it shouldn't turn into a fight.

How come it's so hard for people who love each other to treat each other with love? We have had all the right examples of how to live harmoniously... why is it so hard to put into action?

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. Hugs for both of you.

If he's resistant to discussing his plans, it's because he might not want to admit not having any, and that he needs support and understanding to create some (listening, not direction).

Regards.

[HuskerDU]

2. Hugs to you MissMillie!

Hope you and your son can make up like my mom and I have. I think that you will.

We had the attitude you have. My mom loves me and I love her, somehow we have gotten past all the bs and fighting, and just are a family again.

[InternalDialogue]

3. ...

:hug:

Being a human being is hard enough. Raising and teaching one is doubly hard.

It sounds like you're being completely reasonable, and it sounds like your son has learned some hard lessons.

[Dirty Hippie]

4. Sounds like my son

Have you ever considered Adult ADHD?

I bet he loves you but just cannot seem to control his impulses.

Google for on tests.

Medication has helped my son tremendously.

[ceile]

5. Here ya go!

:hug:
I hope it works out this time.

[mzteris]

6. I hope he listens to his mama

this time! :)

Seriously, I hope he learned something from this - and you, too.

Maybe you and he need to sit down and have a LONG ADULT talk. There need to be some guidelines and some boundaries - just like ANY "roommate" situation.

Expectations of both parties
Rights of both parties
Responsibilities of both parties

Things like: his right to party doesn't trump your right to a good night's sleep.
or: his right to have a place to live comes with a responsibility to help keep it liveable-ly clean.


If he really doesn't want to "do that" - remind him this is only temporary until he can find a place of his own - and mean it. You do not need to put yourself through all that - again.

:hug:

[MrScorpio]

7. It's Huggin' Time

:hug:

[raccoon]

8. Hugs to you, MissMillie. nt

[Redbear]

9. Many hugs for you.

He is so lucky to have you for a mom.

[MissMillie]

10. You have been so kind and sympathetic for me during this

I want you to know that I truly appreciate it. It helps to have a shoulder, even if it is a cyber-shoulder.

[redqueen]

11. ...

:pals:

Don't have any answers for you, sorry...

[Inchworm]

12. *big hugs*

:hug:

I hope your son is able to "find his way" with your help. You sound like an excellent Mother!

:yourock:

[lizziegrace]

13. If you ever find the instruction manual, let me know

until then, do what you always have. :)

He's lucky to have you.

:hug:

[Deja Q]

14. Because it isn't love. It's lust. Physical attraction. Two very separate conditions.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

16. lust? physical attraction?

we're talking about my son.....


yikes!

[Connonym]

15. Hugs to infinity and beyond

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

17. big hugs miss millie

:hug: :hug:

hope things work out

[Beaverhausen]

18. Big hugs for you

I miss you! It was so fun to get to meet you, hang out and especially do a song with you and your twin!

You are doing a good thing for your son, and I'm sure he will do a lot of growing up after this experience. I know you have a lot of family support to help you through this. And you have support here - and at the other site too!

:loveya:

:hug:

[MissMillie]

22. I am so thrilled that I got to meet you over the weekend!!!!

If it were not for that event this past weekend I would have had a miserable birthday weekend. My son's mess was monumental and the work involved in cleaning up was beyond belief.

And yes, thank goodness for my family. Honestly, we would have been totally screwed without all the help we received.

I guess when my son starts acting up I have to remember that even when he doesn't show me love, there are lots of people who do.

:hug:

You're awesome!

(I SOOOO want to sing w/ you some more!)

[Breeze54]

19. OMG!! I'm going through a similar experience right now!

In fact, I was going to post and ask some advice!

:hug:

My teenage son is a great kid, works part-time and graduated HS but he hates housework and gets a sullen attitude when asked over and over to clean up after himself. The shit hit the fan this morning. :grr: I came down to an absolute disaster in the kitchen. I was soooo pissed off and started yelling at him. He acted as if it was the first time we've had this "talk". I've explained over and over about rinsing and putting dishes in the dishwasher. I've been over this more times then I can remember yet, it continues. I'm so sick of it!!
I want to go in my kitchen without having to clean it, in order to get a cup of coffee!! :grr: He did help me this morning, finally, but his attitude really pissed me off, slamming pans, etc.! For the first time, I told him that if he doesn't straighten up in this area, that I'll be moving to my own 1 bedroom, without him. I don't need this shit anymore and he's an adult now, etc. I shouldn't have to deal with this anymore!
I've been begging him to help me start cleaning out the place, as we have to move by the end of Nov. and he just doesn't lift finger...ever!!! No matter how many times I ask for help. Argh!!! I love him but I'm feeling overwhelmed by what needs to get done
and he seems to be ignoring me. :cry: He has more excuses than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest!!

I'm sorry you're going through this too. :hug:

[MissMillie]

21. the chores are part of it

but for me it seems that the chores are just the tip of the iceberg. The friend that moved in was king of the ethnic slur, and I begged them not to use them in front of me. They couldn't seem to honor that request. And the friends in the house at all hours playing guitars.

I can't remember the last time my son had to ask me more than once for ANYTHING, and it seemed all I ever did was beg and nag.

It made me feel like he didn't care about what was important to me.

I can't live with people who disregard my feelings that way. I just won't do it.

[Breeze54]

23. The a-hole friend should go, for starters, imho... and

why can't your son rent a garage or a musician's studio for the practices?

Can't he and his friend pitch in to pay that rental?

It's your house, so write up the rules.

No loud anything after 10 PM. Period! Non-negotiable!

"I can't live with people who disregard my feelings that way. I just won't do it."

Well, I'm feeling the same way and trying to separate my emotions from my needs.
That's hard to do when it's your kid, I think but there are limits, imho.

I've earned the right to some peace of mind, in my own house.
I shouldn't have to feel this stressed out, almost daily.

(The above are just some idea's and suggestions.)

[MissMillie]

24. yep

the friend left when my son ran out of money... all of the friends left when my son ran out of money.

The guitars are all gone because when my son couldn't afford rent on the apartment all by himself (none of his "friends" were chipping in) he had to sell them to make rent.

The place I escaped to isn't big enough for us to take in any of his friends... it's barely big enough to take him in.

Things are already different... I'm just hoping his attitude will be too.

[billyskank]

20. Right o

:hug:

[ThomCat]

25. Hugs for both of you.

:hug:

I don't have any answers. But it sounds like he needs to figure out how to manage his own damned life.

[libodem]

26. hugs MissMillie

I was a divorced mother and raised 3 sons. I still have one at home who is 22. Hope everything works out for you.