This Post Is Totally Useless.......

[DeSwiss]

This is what happened:

Aug 2 1876
Drinking at a saloon in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, Jack McCall notices Wild Bill Hickok playing poker at a corner table. Then he calmly walks over to the table and blows a wide hole in the back of Hickok's head with a .45 revolver. The professional gambler and onetime lawman was holding a pair of Aces and a pair of eights, now known as the "Dead Man's Hand."

Aug 2 1923
President Warren G. Harding dies suddenly at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco. His wife Florence forbids an autopsy, and the President's body is embalmed shortly after death. It is speculated by many that the cause of death, initially reported as "a stroke of apoplexy," was in fact poison administered by the First Lady.

Aug 2 1990
After Kuwait refuses to waive Iraq's war debts, 100,000 Iraqi soldiers stream across the border and seize control of Kuwait City. Their troops outnumbered 5-to-1, the Kuwaitis mount no resistance whatsoever. In so doing, Saddam Hussein precipitates the first Gulf War.

Aug 1 1589
King Henri III of France is assassinated by a crazy Jacobin monk. Among his crimes are opposing the Catholic League, and his love of... handsome young men.

Aug 1 1936
Adolf Hitler presides over the opening ceremony of the Olympics. The Chancellor of Germany announces: "I proclaim the games of Berlin, celebrating the eleventh Olympiad of the modern era, to be open." The whole thing makes for a great film by Leni Riefenstahl.

Aug 1 1954
The middle and lower reaches of the Yangtze River overflow, submerging 8 million acres. The floodwaters kill more than 30,000 Chinese and displace 18.9 million others.

Aug 1 1966
Former Eagle Scout and United States Marine Charles Whitman carries a sniper rifle onto University of Texas at Austin. There he climbs to the top of UT tower and begins firing indiscriminately at dozens of people, killing 13. Whitman is finally taken out 96 minutes later by three Austin PD officers.

Aug 1 1971
The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour debuts on CBS television as a summer replacement show.

Aug 1 1981
Cable music network MTV launches, by airing "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles, followed by Pat Benatar's "You Better Run." That's right, kids: once upon a time, MTV actually played music videos.

Aug 1 1994
Trading on the NASDAQ stock market is halted for 34 minutes after a squirrel commits suicide by gnawing through a power line near the organization's computer center in Trumbull, Connecticut. Systems in place to perform automatic switchover to standby generators didn't exactly, uh, work.

Jul 31 1941
Reichsmarschall Hermann Goering issues an order directing Reinhard Heydrich to carry out the final solution to the "Jewish question."

Jul 31 1945
Wearing a stolen army uniform, prisoner John Giles attempts to escape from Alcatraz island by boarding an outbound cargo boat. But instead of San Francisco, the vessel heads for Angel Island, where Giles is promptly captured.

Jul 31 1966
Beatles records are burned in Birmingham, Alabama -- only because John Lennon innocently declared that the band happens to be "more popular than Jesus."

Jul 31 1969
The San Francisco Chronicle, the Examiner, and the Vallejo Times-Herald receive nearly identical letters from the Zodiac Killer. Specific details are given about recent murder scenes, along with the demand that a "cipher" be printed on on the front page of the papers (or else Zodiac will go on a "ram-Page").

Jul 31 1998
Diminutive actor Gary Coleman, former child star of the ABC television sitcom Diff'rent Strokes, is arrested in Hawthorne, California for allegedly battering an autograph seeker in a uniform shop. Coleman, then a security guard at Fox Hills Mall, was shopping for a bulletproof vest.

Jul 31 1999
Police arrest James Donald Ray for fucking two sheep to death at El Capitan High School in Lakeside, California. A previous sexual attack against one of the sheep prompted the police stakeout, which nabs the 38-year-old in flagrante delicto cum ewe.


We're all fucking doomed!!!