Mr Scorpio is available to solve your most perplexing questions

[MrScorpio]

His vast knowledge of things great and small is at your disposal.

Please take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.

[kanrok]

1. Why does my....er...friend's penis burn when he urinates?

[MrScorpio]

3. Your friend not light a match under his/her crotch while in the toilet

Replace the burnt out light bulb and the pain should go away

[kanrok]

6. Excellent. Thanks...I mean, I'm sure my friend will find this helpful

[burrowowl]

5. Syphilus? eom

[BigMcLargehuge]

2. my God I love that picture!!!!!

Okay Mrs. Scorpio, riddle me this...

I let my wife cut my hair this evening. To date the only hair she's ever worked on is that of the mane of our horse.

Do I look like an idiot now?

Keep in mind the preceding haircut was from "Supercuts" where, if they don't jam the scissors into your temple during the cut, you're lucky.

[MrScorpio]

10. Your trust in your wife's barbering skills is admirable

But, In order to resolve your current hair situation, you should sit down and watch an espisode to Star Trek: TNG with her and tell her that you think that you'd look great in a "Picard".

"A lot of women (including my wife think that he's really sexy for a bald guy)

Get it all shaved off and start from scratch.

And get ready to have a lot of sex.

[BigMcLargehuge]

16. thanks

I'll try and make sure it's not a ferengi-centric episode. I don't want Picard's baldness overshadowed.

Woohoo!!! Lots of sex!... wait a minute.

Sex AND Star Trek?

Uh oh...

[La_Serpiente]

4. YEAH...question time!!!!

OK Mr. Scorpio.

Which person in the Bush administration suffers from Mad Cow Disease?

[MrScorpio]

12. Ah, a trick question!!!

None of them are suffering. They are all enjoying it quite well.

[La_Serpiente]

13. lol

awesome Mr. Scopio, simply brilliant :-)

[Bertha Venation]

7. Dear Mr. Scorpio: When the hell will the JDF get here?

Wenchzilla is terrorizing the town! She's all the time ripping around, nipping heels, pouncing on other 'zillas, biting noses, jumping on the mantel... When, oh when comes my deliverance?!

You promised!

[MrScorpio]

14. The Diet is giving Prime Minister Koizumi hell these days

For allowing the JDF to deploy outside of Japan

Try to cut him a little slack.

In the mean time, hide Wenchilla's Catnip stash

[Bertha Venation]

15. I'll try, but I fear she'll find it.

She is all powerful, you know.

Thank you, great one.

[Champion Jack]

8. Mr Scorpio, if Jesus and Superman got into a fight , who would win?

because, Jesus can come back from the dead , but Superman, you know,
he's the man of steel

[kanrok]

17. Hey! Great question!

Here's a corollary. If God is all-powerful, can he (she?) create a rock so big that even he (she) can't lift it? How 'bout that Mr. Scorpio Smarty-Pants!

[MrScorpio]

21. God created gravity too

You do the math

[MrScorpio]

19. The Son of God vs. The Son of Krypton

It ought to be a good battle.

All I know is that I don't want the guys who judged that Roy Jones Jr. fight to be anywhere near it.

(My dollars are on Jesus. Superman is vulnerable to the supernatural)

[BlueJazz]

9. Oh Wise and Knowledgeable Mr.Scorpio

Why don't we human beings ever see any baby pigeons.
I mean, it's like the fully grown damn things just appear out of thin air, eat a bunch of bread crumbs and shit on statues and cars...

[MrScorpio]

22. They are hidden away in pigeon day care centers

Otherwise known are high rise ledges.

Get a job as a window washer and you'll get all the baby pidgeons you can handle

[populistmom]

11. Is it harder to be pretty or not-so-pretty?

I finally lost a bunch of weight that I put on with the kiddos and went from a 4 to probably an 8 (I don't know for sure, the few who have met me will have to judge). I'm in a less than happy marriage, but I've been trying and now it's like every man who looks at me or makes a bit of a pass at me (which has happened a lot in the past 6 months, but not much prior for a few years anyway) feels like a reminder of something I can't have. Sometimes I think it was easier when no one wanted me and I didn't look so good. Then I could pretend like I was happy because I had no other options.

on edit:
Then again, perhaps I'll be disfigured in some horrible accident tomorrow, rendering this silly, shallow question moot, which isn't what I'd want.

[MrScorpio]

23. Who's happier: A fat Oprah or a skinny Oprah?

The answer is neither, they're both billionaires.

Thus your size should not be relative to your happiness

Enjoy the kudos and walk on. (Thanks, but no thanks) Point out to Hubby that some guy just hit on you and in a way tell him he's lucky to have a looker like you: A woman who's happy to be with her man. (This little white lie will help more than hurt)

He should get the message.

In the mean time, figure a way to earn a million or two afterwards, if you decide to dump his ass. (Call this the Oprah Strategy)

And prepare to have fun, 'cause it's going to be raining men.

[TrogL]

18. My Quest is going nowhere

Now what do I do?

[MrScorpio]

24. When in doubt...

Turn on "Wild On" on E Entertainment TV.

If you can't get a hint from that show, you're hopeless.

(Make sure to bring sunsreen)

[burrowowl]

20. Who? What? Where? How? When?

Is Oscar?

[MrScorpio]

25. You'll need professional help. From The Smithsonian Institute

http://www.si.edu/resource/faq/where/oscar.htm

Your tax dollars at work

[arwalden]

26. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[MrScorpio]

28. Does this mythical woodchuck reside in a Right-To-Work state?

If not, and the he's a member of a union, the amount would have specified in the most recent deliberation with his employer.

If he is, and not a member of a union, it would be a shitload. In other words, He's fucked.

[Fight_n_back]

27. How come

the Professor on Gilligan's Island could make a Global Positioning Sytem out of a coconut but couldn't fix a whole in a boat this big? (Hold hands apart)

(taken from "Hack Jokes and Easy Premises" by Carrot Top)

[MrScorpio]

29. The answer should be obvious to you.

Yin: The Professor's skills
Yang: Gilligan's penchant for fucking EVERYTHING up.

Thus one cancelled out the other

(You might consider changing your Nom De Plume)

Hey, if I was trapped on an island with a hottie like Dawn Wells, I wouldn't fix my boat either.

The Prof. may have been an egghead, but he's got a dick.