Does anger build up in you? Do you hold grudges?

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

I'm a little curious about how people feel (this isn't realted to anything here, just a regular question). I can't be angry or hold a grudge for more than an hour. Even when people really hurt me, It doesn't take long for me to get over it.

Being angry just makes me feel worse (I get GUILTY over feeling angry even when I'm right. Aint that a bitch?).

I ask this because my mom is someone who won't stay angry long, but can hold a grudge for a LONG time. So, old news, people are different.

People of DU, how do you handle anger and grudges?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

1. I hold grudges like Bush holds Cheney's hand.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

4. Nice analogy, heh n/t

[redqueen]

2. I get angry FAST, but get over it just as quickly. :)

I do the opposite of grudge-holding... I often completely forget whatever it is that angered me after a while.

I don't trust people easily at all, though... so if I can manage over time to grow to trust someone, and they break that trust... that's a very hard thing for me to get back. But that's not holding a grudge... I don't stay angry with them... I just can't seem to trust them again. Or it hasn't happened for me so far, at least.

[Parche]

3. Angry

Dont be angry at me......I was only posting a copycat thread........:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hi:

[redqueen]

6. Who? What?

If I was angry with ya, I've already forgotten why. :P :hi:

[billyskank]

12. I get angry fast too

but if that person acts affectionately to me later, I find it real hard to resist.

Guess I'd better be careful; big danger of abuse there.

[redqueen]

14. Lord, don't I know it.

Yes, be very careful...

I guess that might be what's behind my trust issue thing... hmmm

[billyskank]

15. .....

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

5. Why are you asking me this?

Why? WHY? WHY?????? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS????????? YOU SAYIN' I GOT AN ANGER PROBLEM????? Wait....nevermind...sorry 'bout that...:P

[Parche]

7. Hey

You are mean...........:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

17. Nah...

that's the one thing I am not....mean. Sarcastic? Yes! Mean? No!

How are you doing Parche? :hi:

[jobycom]

8. I've got a flash temper and a memory worth spit.

I can't even remember names of close friends at times. So something gets me mad, i curse at it fiercely, and I don't even remember it happened. Luckily, I have non-violent instincts, so cursing is the extent of it.

Works well on DU. I read a post that angers me, and by the time I'm finished typing my bitter, fierce response, I've calmed down enough to edit out the mean parts. Usually. :)

[bleedingheart]

9. I admit it...I do...and I am evil when crossed...

however it takes a whole lot to make me that mad...

I judge people solely on the content of their character...and I give people chances...however once I feel someone has truly wronged me or someone I care about ...I never let go of that knowledge...do I let it build up inside me? No..not at all..

So in a way...I hold a grudge more as a personal database..."never be burned again"

There have been a few people who have regretted their behavior but while I forgive...I don't forget.

Sadly the older I get the more I learn that most people don't change their bad ways...they just hop around to new crowds to avoid getting caught

[Mad_Dem_X]

25. "I forgive...I don't forget"

I'm pretty much the same way. I'm slow to anger, but if you piss me off enough (and it has to be *really* bad), I will never forgive you.

[LaraMN]

10. Only toward people who repeatedly piss me off.

I try not to.

[Midlodemocrat]

22. Sorry, darlin'

[LaraMN]

27. For the record,

no one here has ever managed to *truly* piss me off! It takes a lot.
Not that I am posing a challenge to anyone, mind you...

:rofl:

[SoxFan]

11. I've got Irish Alzheimers

I forget everything but a grudge!

[Shine]

13. I can get angry very quickly...but I can let it go just as quickly.

I don't carry grudges. Not my style.

[skygazer]

16. I don't really hold grudges

It generally takes a lot to get me really angry and it doesn't tend to last. I weigh things out - if the person makes me more angry than not, I back away. But I don't really sweat the small stuff.

[billyoc]

18. Irish Amnesia. We forget everything except a grudge.

;)

[MissMillie]

19. I have a hard time letting go of hurt

I don't actively pursue revenge.

But there are people who hurt me years ago, who thankfully I don't have any real relationship with, but when I see them, or when I think of them, the hurt is still there.

[buddhamama]

20. grudges, no.

i get flashes of anger. who doesn't? but a good venting session usually does the trick. there are persons i have had a visceral reaction to; i didn't/don't hate them or hold a grudge, though...it might take me some time but i am capable of working through it.

[CBHagman]

21. It depends on the situation.

As I grow older, I notice myself getting really cross about everything -- mad drivers who speed across parking lots, etc. -- and I really need to work on keeping perspective, because most of this stuff is trivia and/or just part of living.

But with genuinely personal issues, it's a more complicated matter. I do believe forgiveness is the answer,that anger holds us hostage, but also that it can take quite a lot of work to get through it. So I find that the anger eventually drops off, but while I've got it, the old mind is churning.

One thing I am resolved never to do: the silent treatment. I will, however, end relationships that I believe I would be better off not continuing, especially if that's true for both parties.

[supernova]

23. I am slow to anger

you have to show me a pattern of intentional misbehavior before I get mad at you.

But if I do get mad, I don't stay mad for long.

I'm over most things pretty quickly. If I find that you are abusive or manipulative, I might not stay made but i won't trust you either. And I will let the relationship go.

Thankfully, that's not very many people. Most people I surround myself with now, are kind and trustworthy and not yank-your-chain-for-the-sake-of-it types.

I really enjoy and appreiciate the people in my life now. :hug:

[last_texas_dem]

24. I'm a lazy grudge-holder

If I get pissed off at something someone did to me, I can hold a grudge for quite a while, although usually not a particularly intense one. If they start acting apologetic and seem like they are truly sorry for what they did, though, I generally forgive pretty quickly. However, if they don't, it's very unlikely I will take any action to make up with them. So that's why I say that I'm a "lazy grudge-holder" because I essentially leave the ball in their court if I feel that they were the one who wronged me. If it was a mutual "wronging" it's a different story, though. Again, I'm generally fairly quick to forgive, but I also try to feel out where they stand on the whole thing because I don't want to go and essentially apologize and ask for forgiveness if they're still acting like a jerk.

[Jimbo S]

26. Shit, some of my grudges are going on 15 years

People who have done me wrong will always be on my shitlist. I don't forgive easily.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

28. Sometimes I wish I could do that.

[TOhioLiberal]

29. I've been have anger issues recently...

...I used to be slow to anger followed by a big blow up. No grudges. For most things I still am. But if I start thinking about my STBE I get full on pissed rather quickly. I think it'll pass of its own volition, but it's shocking how angry I can get.

[pitohui]

30. it depends on the situation

it is stupid to hold a grudge w. somebody i care about, just poisons the relationship

if it is someone i'm distant from, the grudge is a valuable time saver, i don't need to waste care or concern or kindness on the shithead again, unless something happens to show me they have really changed -- most people who would do something shitty to a stranger or acquaintance are even shittier close at hand so holding a grudge is useful in that case

[Nikia]

31. There are some things that I hold a grudge about

It can often be overcome with positive interaction with the person in question though. When I don't speak with the person for years (and sometimes that is the other person's choice,) I have a long time letting go.

[Swede]

32. Rarely hold a grudge.

I don't have any right now.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[alarimer]

34. I WANT to hold grudges but am rarely successful

But I am very angry for no reason that I can recall, except that on some level I must be deeply unhappy. Nothing ever, ever seems to go my way, not jobs, not relationships, nothing.

[Roon]

35. I got angry at my Grandmother recently

I felt so terrible. When she came over to make up I just cried. I don't hold grudges....usually.

[begin_within]

36. Revenge is SO much better than forgiveness. And, forgivness is dangerous,

because it leaves the door open to the offending behavior to happen all over again.