When seeing a homeless person, do you avert your eyes?

[oregonjen]

I was watching a rerun of Oprah and she had on actress Ellen Burstyn. Ms. Burstyn wrote an autobiography of her life. One of her experiences she had was living on the streets for a few days with nothing. When she came up to two women and asked for $1 for the subway, they gave her the dollar, but did not look at her. She was so excited that she begged successfully, but then realized that they did not meet her eyes. From then on, she may or may not give money to people who ask, but she always looks them in the eyes. We are all humans and deserve the respect and love, no matter where we are in life.

I found myself learning from this story. It makes me uncomfortable to see a person holding up a sign asking for money, so I would look the other way. I realized that I was treating them with disrespect for not acknowledging their existence. I may not want to give them money, but I should at least meet their eyes and let them know they are loved.

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. Judge a culture by how it treats its weak.

I usually try to do what I can for the homeless, which is very little.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. if they are insane i dont look in their eyes. no offense, but my safety is important to me.

and staring down a crazy person, is hardly safe.

if they are just poor and homeless of course i look at them when i give them money.

i also frequently cry when i see homeless people, but thats another story

[oregonjen]

6. Safety of course is first

In the Portland area, we have people begging for money at exits from freeways. I have read that there is a theft ring of people who beg for money who really aren't in need. They pool the "earnings" and make out like bandits. However, there are people out there who really are in need and I realized that I was scared, ashamed and perhaps frustrated that they can't find a job. I read the book "Conversations With God" and the main character was homeless for a time. Trying to get back on his feet was really difficult. It became a vicious circle of interviewing and being cast aside. No money, no clothes, no food, no shelter. That book was an eye-opening read.

[Patiod]

11. It's not hard to spot the aggressively crazy or schizophrenic

and I make a *point* not to look at those people, since I've had them follow me, shouting, because they caught my eye (not just me - they do it to everyone).

I've had people scream at me for giving money AND scream at me for not giving them money.

[skygazer]

3. I don't - I smile and say hello

I always do this. I can't always give people anything but I can give them that. I know what it's like to be poor and I've been homeless though it was only for a brief time and I had plenty of friends who let me sack out on their floors. There were nights I couldn't find anyone though and I slept outside my share of nights.

Thanks for posting this - it's important.

[Gormy Cuss]

4. It really depends on the circumstances.

I agree with lionesspri that there are some street people with whom you shouldn't try to make eye contact because they appear to be in some other agitated place mentally but for the majority I will try to smile or at least acknowledge them with a nod pointed in their direction. It's remarkable how often they smile in return, as if it's a rare event for someone to treat them like a fellow human being.

[oregonjen]

7. My point exactly, but you said it better

:hi: :hug:

[Ahpook]

35. them, them, them

What site am i on?

[Gormy Cuss]

41. Do you have a point? n/t

[crispini]

5. It's an interesting instinct, to close your eyes.

I think a lot of people do that, for different reasons. One is that the homeless person makes them uncomfortable. A very acid reminder of what you could become. One is, of course, safety -- not wanting to engage. Some of it probably is a feeling of shame. Some people probably think "get a job" or "why are you here" and are repulsed. Some people think, "You're just going to use the money to buy beer or drugs." The homeless have evoked all of those feelings in me at one time or another, and, yes, I used to avert my eyes.

Of course, what the effect of not looking at that person is, that it makes them into a non-person.

When I was in Thailand in the Peace Corps the homeless there are really, truly beggars. I mean, missing limbs, open sores, the whole nine yards. And yet the people there freely give to them if they have a few baht and they treat them as if they are human (for the most part). I brought this back from Thailand with me -- especially since our homeless are so much more healthy looking and clean in comparison -- which made me strangely feel easier about giving to them and more able to look them in the eyes and give.

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. In my area...

I always look people in the eye.....homeless or not.

The most respect you can pay to a person is to look directly at them when you are speaking to them.

That being said however, there may be some circumstances where this would not be wise. For example, if you felt threatened or in potential danger.

I always speak to homeless people, and give them money if I have it on me. Once I had no money on me, told the guy to wait there, drove home 5 miles, got my change jar, went back and gave him the jar.

I figure that EACH of us are only one tragedy away from homelessness...

[Dragonbreathp9d]

9. Sadly, sometimes yes...

and I am ashamed that I do. Other times I stare, saddened. I do give change when I have it. I even gave a guy $20 and a ride once.

[ronnykmarshall]

44. Same here.

When I first lived in San Francisco I was always either giving money or saying "I'm sorry, I don't have any money".

But there were times when I've been told to "fuck off" or "I'd rather you tell me to go to hell" when I didn't have change to give some one that I just got cold. As wrong as that seems.

One time I saw this man give a young kid on Castro St who was asking for money for "food" a sandwich ... this little asshole said "Oh dude, I can't eat this I'm a vegetarian". The man took the sandwich and threw it in the trash. (go ahead and attack me vegans)

My mom once said to me when she visited me in SF "How can you not give them money?" ... my response "If I gave them all I could, I'd be on the streets as well".

I don't know what the solution is to the homeless problem. It's not that I don't care, but to honest, I don't know what to do.

Flame away.

[supernova]

10. I'm successful mostly if I meet them on the street

person to person. I do try to look everyone in the eye, regardless of their station in life. To not do so, means exactly that you are negating their existance. When I fail, it mostly has to do with the fact that I can be painfully shy, something about that moment that is overly stimulating for me, not that they are homeless.

[IndianaJones]

12. not unless they're welding. nt.

[billyoc]

21. As a homeless IronWorker, I applaud your good sense!

:rofl:

[MsKandice01]

13. I not only look, I smile...

I figure if I can't actually give money, I can at the very LEAST give a smile. But like lionesspriyanka said, there are some that I do not make any contact with because they look particularly agitated, such as the ones who walk down the street talking to themselves in an angry tone. In those cases, I just move out of the way.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. I don't think it's from a lack of respect...It's from shame.

I try to make a point of looking at the homeless people I encounter, because I understand why they take offense at a lack of eye-contact. But it doesn't come easily for me. I feel shamed and humbled for complaining so often about my life when I have so much more than they do...

[DemocratSinceBirth]

15. Look Em In The Eyes

"Never treat a brother like a passing stranger...It might be the Prince of Peace returning. .."


-Leon Russell

[closeupready]

16. I try to respect homeless people as I respect anyone else I don't know.

that includes giving them their space, but also looking them in the eyes when giving them money or talking with them. I would echo others here though that if they seem agitated, I steer clear.

[pitohui]

17. i think it's rude to look people in the eyes, it's a sexual come on

however, i'm both a female and a high functioning autistic, so i have never noticed that anything good comes of looking ANY stranger in the eyes

if someone is going to be offended that i don't gaze into their eyes, i don't care if they are bill gates, i don't want to deal w. their "walk on eggshell" attitude anyway

why do people always think it's about them? "i should at least meet their eyes and let them know they are loved" -- no, i shouldn't, unless i'm a patronizing, condescending ass -- because let's get real, i don't love a fucking stranger on the street!

i guess i believe in equality and not condescension

now if she goes around looking everybody in the eyes (not wise as a female unless you want constant come one) then i guess she is treating them equally

:shrug:

[DemocratSinceBirth]

19. If I'm Walking Down The Street I Usually Acknowledge People With A Quick Tilt Of The Head

I hope they don't think I'm coming on to them...

[GirlinContempt]

47. I know I do.

Cheeky, you are.

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. Let me understand...

you are saying that looking a stranger in the eyes is a sexual come on? So if I smile at a woman in the grocery store, it is a come on?

I'm just trying to make sure I understand you here...thanks.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

25. There Is A Balance

But if you intentionally turn your gaze from someone that is seen as a sign of disrespect as well...

[LeftyFingerPop]

28. I'm not understanding this thread...

I think I look at just about everyone who passes my way, and smile and nod at them. Now sometimes, you can just sense that you should not look at someone, so you don't...it's reflexive.

But, to say that looking at someone (I know you didn't say it) is a sexual come on....to make a blanket statement like that....well, that blows my mind.

I don't come on to anyone, but I do look at people in a friendly way. I don't STARE at people, I acknowledge their being...it's respectful, not sexual.

Jesus Christ...this thread is starting to weird me the fuck out.

[pitohui]

36. well you're just not reading the thread or at least you're not reading my post

i am a high functioning autistic

we do not look people in the eyes, period

neurotypicals may say all these nice things about looking people in the eyes, but at the end of the day, yeah, when they make a point of looking me in the eye, it's to fuck me or to sell me something

and in your heart you know you are not looking people in the eye for no reason, why is it so important to look people in the eye and grab their attention, it is a form of trying to dominate and intrude

look at the animal kingdom, to look another animal in the eye is a threat

i'm just tired of the lies, we know in our hearts what it's about, but we're supposed to eat chickenshit and say it's chicken salad

looking in the eye of the homeless in this article is clearly about the lady's ego and has fuck all to do with helping any homeless person

not me, sorry, no

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. Ah, the voice of nihilism. You're right, we shouldn't look at each other

unless we're planning on raping or otherwise dominating one another.

What a wonderful society it would be - none of us looking at one another, refusing to shake hands, never touching one another, hiding out in our homes so as to avoid all possibility that we might make a sexual come on to someone.

God forbid we bring a ray of sunshine to someone's life, or treat them like human beings.

How daft of me.

How silly of me to have laughed earlier today, or have smiled at the small child's playing in the parking lot at lunch - was that a sexual come-on to the child? I should have stayed home with the curtains drawn and the furnace turned all the way up to "oppressive" while I sat in a musty closet of self-hatred cutting myself profusely with a Hallmark greeting card that was obviously sent to me out of spite by my "best friend" who is clearly only using me for his own personal elevation and need for abusive control through emotional manipulation of others. I would bleed, but life is meaningless, and so my veins are as empty as the abyss, leaking only the pain of pure psychic and cosmic abandonment.

:eyes:

In fact, now that I think about it - when Tom Brokaw is looking at me on the news, is he coming on to me, or is coming on to the camera?

Maybe he has a weird camera fetish.

[pitohui]

37. are you tired of post stalking me yet?

i'm glad you get such a thrill out of stalking and intimidating the disabled, you must feel like a real man at the end of the day

you need help, dude, you are seriously ill

[Rabrrrrrr]

39. If you think I'm stalking, then you need help.

Gosh, I've responded to you twice in the last two days. If that's stalking, then I'm far more guilty of stalking others than I am you.

:eyes:

Don't think so highly of yourself.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

27. Oh boy...

:eyes:

I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but even I will look somebody in the eyes and not think anything of it.

[pitohui]

38. and this response has relevance to my post, how exactly?

read it again and give a response that proves you read my post

or else re-thread and make sure you respond to the correct post next time

sorry, but asperger's and high functioning autistics don't look people in the eyes, and if you are offended by this not uncommon difference then you are as bigoted as the guy who crosses the street because of my color, it is exactly the same thing, pure dee bigotry

[Starbucks Anarchist]

53. Sure, I'll tell you.

You said this:

i think it's rude to look people in the eyes, it's a sexual come on

however, i'm both a female and a high functioning autistic, so i have never noticed that anything good comes of looking ANY stranger in the eyes

You presented two different ideas -- that you think it's rude to look people in the eyes and your personal experience as a high-functioning autistic in this regard.

Your personal experience, because of your condition, certainly applies to you, but you stated that it's also rude to look people in the eyes because it's a sexual come-on -- the way you wrote it, it seems you think any "neurotypical" looking another one in the eye is a sexual come-on.

Don't try to frame the argument and say I was thinking less of autistics when you yourself strongly implied eye contact between non-autistics/neurotypicals was evidence of a sexual come-on.

[GirlinContempt]

48. I need to take fucking lessons from you

on saying ridiculous things and starting fights that are really about nothing.

[krispos42]

18. Yes

Of course, I try to avoid eye contact on general principles, so don't read too much into it.

[EFerrari]

22. I know most of the homeless people in my neighborhood by name.

Sometimes all I can give is my friendship. I do feel guilt and shame and anger sometimes for not being able to do more or for not being more effective. That's my problem, not theirs.

Wolf and Keith and Uri are my neighbors. And I guess I will never stop trying to find out what they're needing and how we can make it happen.

[Deep13]

23. Honestly, I don't remember.

The only ones I remember from when I was practicing in Cleveland were the guy who was released from the VA hospital without a sixpence to his name. I bought him a hot dog. Another guy was sleeping on the sidewalk being told by a police woman to go somewhere else because he "wasn't wanted" there. I remember thinking that it was a public sidewalk and anyway where the fuck was he supposed to sleep? I didn't say anything because because my own practice was hanging by a thread and I really could not afford to be arrested myself or to piss off the criminal justice establishment. (It's a big concern when you've just finished seven years in college and are now in debt over your head.) Anyway, the only other one I remember was one guy who was begging outside of my office. I went past him to the corner store to get lunch. We each left the store at the same time. He had a 5th of liquor. (How cliched.) He was pretty pissed that I noticed it, though I did not say anything.

[Phillycat]

26. Can't smile at homeless people in a big city - it's dangerous.

However, I wish I could.

[Fredda Weinberg]

31. There is a proper look - serene but determined

It's respectful and acknowledges their existence - and you don't get any bigger than NYC.

[hippywife]

29. NO.

I always meet their gaze, give them a warm smile and say hello.

[DarkTirade]

30. I'll look them in the eye... unfortunately being only a few steps away from

homelessness myself, and also since I rarely if ever carry cash, I don't usually have anything to give to them.
Except the one time when I ran into a homeless guy going through the trash outside my last job, then I had 3/4 of a leftover pizza in my backpack and I gave that to him.

[Xipe Totec]

32. Without further comment.

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[Gormy Cuss]

34. That's just cold and self-serving.

Dude, the thread is about REAL homeless people, not rusty bots.

[jobycom]

40. No more than I divert my eyes from people in houses, I guess.

I'm a bit private, so I don't make eye contact with people unless I'm interacting with them somehow. But I make an effort to not shun anyone, to not turn away. I usually shrug apologetically or nod at people holding signs on street corners, if they look in my direction, if I don't have anything to help them. If I do give them something, or if I'm not in my car with the window up (In Austin, the window is usually up because of AC), I make sure to exchange a few words.

I guess that's something I grew into, not something I did when I first moved to the city and began seeing homeless people.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

42. Yes

I'm embarrassed for them.
It's tough being empathic sometimes. :(

[FooFootheSnoo]

43. I used to, but not anymore

I had a creepy experience with a homeless person on an exit ramp. He basically made some sexual comments about the toddler in my back seat. I'm not in anyway trying to infer that all homeless people are like that, but it scared me and I just don't take chances anymore.

I doubt they feel too badly about it here in Florida, people don't generally make eye contact and smile at each other anyway.

[tandot]

45. I found myself walking today one of those streets in San Francisco

walking by Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Tiffany's, Saks, and a whole lot of homeless people.
I didn't make eye contact with any of those homeless people. I read some of the signs they had. Some of them said "God Bless" ... and after I walked by, the probably said "fuck you"

I didn't shop at any of those stores. I am just here because of a conference. I didn't even pay for my stay or anything else. I couldn't afford it. I have a really cool boss who offered me the opportunity.

It didn't feel too good.

[ronnykmarshall]

49. It's tough.

I'd lived in San Francisco for years. One time my ex-boyfriend and I were in the Haight and we were getting on my scooter and this guy asked for "spare change" ... my ex-boyfriend who is a sweet big hearted guy said "I'm sorry, I don't have any" ... this guy started saying "I'd rather you'd said 'fuck you, you faggot'". Steve looked liked someone kicked him in the stomach. I'd wanted to give the guy his request. But I ended up taking Steve home and making love to him.

Like I said in my previous post ... I don't know how to solve this problem, but I'm not a monster that doesn't care.

[tandot]

51. My first thought was that they choose that area because of the pricey

location. You got all the upper-scale stores.

I wish I had a solution to the problem. It seems that people aren't willing to pay higher taxes for services for the needy. Prevention isn't something that is valued.

It is really saddening that someone so down on his luck has to say something that disgusting. It makes me really angry.

[FloridaJudy]

46. My complex is near a freeway on-ramp

So I have to drive by many homeless on my way anywhere. I've started making up small packages of non-perishable food to pass to them: vienna sausages, crackers, dried fruit. A lot of these folks have substance abuse problems, so I hesitate to give them money (though I did break that rule for a woman and her children stuck next to a broken-down car).

For all my problems, I have a roof over my head at night, food in the pantry and scores of friends. I'd be a sad example of a human being if I didn't share at least a little with those that don't.

[stuntcat]

50. There but for the grace.. and stuff

They're all just as important as everyone else really. The only time I don't pay attention is when I'm afraid that if I look them in the eye they'll follow me or something.. well actually I haven't seen many homeless people since I lived in NYC, and back then I used to give stuff to a lot of them. There was a sweet old man who 'lived' on my street, named Jimmy, he had a little dog named Suzanna. I wonder about them sometimes, it was eight years ago. Okay sorry, I'm tired :) The point is I care more about them than I do politicians.

[Godhumor]

52. Honolulu was an eye-opener

During my time living there I saw more homeless people than I've ever seen before--they were literally everywhere. As someone said way above in this thread, I avoided the ones who were too aggressive (being chased by a guy trying to hit me with a sizable tree branch is not a highlight of my life.), but I tried to approach each one as a fellow human.