How Would You Handle This...

[Dr_Funkenstein]

Hey DU...it's been a few weeks since I've posted...been busy getting ready for school to start up.

Anyway, here's the situation:

My wife works at a bank, and about 2 months ago, opened a business account for a customer who was the manager for a local business. A week or so later, she politely waved hello to him at a local eatery...and he rolls his eyes, and blows her off...no big deal. Later that week, some employees, including the branch manager are discussing how rude this guy is after he blew up at another employee...and he happens to be dating the assistant manager. My wife adds the aforementioned story to the mix.

Here we are, 2 months later, and he comes in, and requests to the manager that he'd like to speak with my wife. He proceeds to go off on her about how he doesn't have to acknowledge her in public if he doesn't want to, and starts acting rather aggressive. At the end of his rant, he leans forward and says, "If you ever pull that kind of shit again, I'm going to...", and the branch manager comes back in the office, noticing the problem. Keep in mind, "tough guy" here is picking on my wife, who is 8 months pregnant...and needless to say, she was extremely upset.

My first reaction is to beat the shit out of him. However, I am a rational man, and I realize if I go to his work and confront him, although noble in my intentions, I will be effectively doing the same thing he did: confonting him on a non-business related issue at his work. So now, my wife is genuinely afraid that he's going to come back in, and start this kind of shit again, or make false complaints against her (again). Naturally, I want to pop this little man's bubble, and I think most of you would want the same retribution. But...again...I'm a rational man. I told her to file an HR complaint against the customer, in which case they'll document it, and probably close the business accounts...which will piss off the owner of that business. I also recommended she ask the DA about filing a protective order against him. Being a small town, she's afraid he'll see her and resume his rant, and possibly get violent. Obviously, his "little-man" syndrome would prevent him from confronting her when I'm around, but we work in different towns. To make matters more interesting, he attends company functions, and I've met him...and I'll probably run into him again.

I'm at a loss...I want to protect my family, but I don't want to be stupid about it.

[NMDemDist2]

1. what does *she* want you to do?

follow her lead I think..,,

[Dr_Funkenstein]

2. well...

She came to me wanting to know what to do...

[EFerrari]

3. She needs to lay down a paper trail about this guy's behavior.

That would be a good first step. It can be done calmly and dispassionately. And as this guy sounds sort of out of control, the more calmly she handles this, the more easy it will be for other people to understand the situation.

[Orsino]

4. If only to help prevent the business owner from firing her.

She must act first.

[Dr_Funkenstein]

5. She works for the bank, not the business

...so the business owner couldn't fire anyone but the ass-clown employee giving her hell.

I agree that she needs to start the paper trail, to cover herself and the bank.

Another complicating factor is that he was out to lunch with another woman...big deal...it was probably a co-worker, and my wife made no assumptions about it. I think the assistant mgr got the story after the rumor-mill spun it, and then she went off on him. Thus, he returns the favor and lights up my wife. I told her that she should have stopped him immediately upon seeing that he was there to "discuss" non-banking issues. I also told her if he approaches her again, she needs to politely decline to help him, and refer him to another banker. If she files an HR complaint, then declines to help him, she is covered. The bank has policies in place to protect employees from dealing with customers that present a threat, just as any other company does. I stressed to her that she need not get involved with him in any manner, and site the company's P&P as justification.

Of course, in "the good 'ol days"...he'd just have an ass-whippin' coming...but I guess there's a price to pay for trying to make our increasingly selfish society a better place.

[hippywife]

6. Why should you let his behaviour dictate

what your response should be as a rational man? If your wife gets the documentation down, then she should be covered if anything else comes of it. If it's such a small town, I'd bet she's not the only one to have bad encounters with this man and many people must know how he behaves.

[graywarrior]

7. File a restraining order

The guy is a nut.

[blueknight]

8. no need to be rational,

the guy is a fucking asshole and acts like that because he goes un-challenged.
if it were my wife, i would go tell him whats up, and if he said one word i would kick his fucking ass. unfortunately, all some people understand is a good ass whipping.

[AwakeAtLast]

9. I second that!

Singling her out like that tells me he needs to get a life. The violent reaction tells me that she needs to protect herself with a restraining order.

[SPKrazy]

10. the protective order

and the complaint to HR are good starts

sounds like a jerk

she'd do well to ignore him as well and to not try to get his attention in public.

this isn't about attention anymore it is about terroristic threatening.

:grr:

what a dickhead he must be to pick on an 8 month pregnant woman

:eyes:

[QMPMom]

11. Paper trail is the first thing. And why does this person attend

business functions where you and your wife are? Do you work for the same business as he does? I know you said you work in a different town, but is your company a division of this person's business?

[Kali]

12. I would document the thing and then drop it unless/until he pulls something else

chances are he feels he "got even" and may leave her alone now. I would hesitate on the restraining order on a "first offense" for two related reasons, one - all he did was a verbal confrontation, and two they are useless against the real nuts and may infuriate him even more, possibly causing an unnecessary escalation of aggression.

If he continues then I would escalate - for now he may be over it.

[wildhorses]

13. if i were your wife, i would not do anything --

until i was ready to go back to work after i had the baby. then, i would find another job.

[Wapsie B]

14. I would have her document anything and everything,

protective order too. Even though it's a small town unless local law enforcement is totally corrupt they know he's a pain in the ass. Do not confront him. Let him die of a stroke or massive MI like he's destined to do.

[MichiganVote]

15. Have her company handle the issue of dealing with him in the professional capacity

If you're at a party and he is there, stay next to your wife no matter what and glare at him. If he is as hair trigger as he sounds he'll show his true colors. Then you can call the police..or deck him which is my personal favorite idea.