For those of you in relationships: how often do you fight with your SO

[La Lioness Priyanka]

on average?

[Lex]

1. small fights involving snapping at each other over something

or big yelling fights that end in tears and badly hurt feelings?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. i think all of it.

[Lex]

3. okay then

We can snap at each other over something stupid (esp. if we're tired after work or stressed about something else) a couple of times a week. It's usually nothing and no real hurt feelings and passes quickly.

Really big arguments that are actually hurtful and result in bad feelings and need serious sorting through later--probably average once or twice a year.

[bicentennial_baby]

4. Never

[Zorro]

7. Never here, too

Why fight with the person you love?

[bicentennial_baby]

8. True dat...

We just don't ever get to that point. If there's an issue, we discuss it. We both realized back in the beginning that hurting each other's feelings isn't worth winning an argument or being correct. Works for us. :)

[Lex]

9. Sometimes "not ever fighting" means one of you doesn't feel

comfortable ever disagreeing with the other. Or is so uncomfortable with confrontation that they just 'go along' and swallow a lot of resentment over time.

I'm not saying that's the case with your relationship, but it can be the case sometimes.

[Wapsie B]

16. Ding Ding Ding!!

We have a winner! Conflict avoidance is no way to run a relationship. So says the master of conflict avoidance in a former marriage. :eyes:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. no offense but thats supposedly unhealthy.

[bicentennial_baby]

19. We have nothing to fight about, so I fail to see the

unhealthiness of it. We disagree on plenty, but we discuss issues in a calm and rational manner. Our communication skills are quite honed at this point. What works for some does not for others, and we're quite content to live in a fighting-free marriage. :)

[Maine-ah]

26. ditto that, Baby....

same thing in this house :)

been married 6 years yesterday, been together for 12, known eachother since jr. high.

[bicentennial_baby]

27. Happy Anniversary!!

:bounce:

yeah, I think it's a little weird that people see fighting as 'normal' or healthy. But, like I said, what works for some does not for others. :shrug:

:hi:

[erinlough]

30. Same here, my first marriage was very argument prone

and as I think about it I was sure the argumentative fire meant passion. I was young and stupid and my first husband and I literally tore our marriage apart.

My marriage now is based on trust. I know my husband would never hurt me and I trust him. He feels the same way toward me. Any differences are talked about and there is no need to argue. When I learned to trust another person my need to control went away.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. i was talking sort of about normal fights, the everyday bickerings

not any huge abusive name calling shit. i should have clarified that in my op.

[bicentennial_baby]

40. We also do not bicker...

No need to. :)

[Midlodemocrat]

42. Same here. And it will be 18 years next month.

We discuss rather than fight and it has served us quite well.

[bicentennial_baby]

43. Excellent...

:toast: I don't see why people see that as being so odd. :shrug:

[Midlodemocrat]

44. Mr. and I are on the same page in most ways.

We occasionally disagree on really, really little things, but never big things. We also give each other a lot of space to pursue interests that are important to ourselves, but not necessarily each other. That seems to work well for us.

[wildhorses]

5. one person's argument is another's

lively discussion ;)

evidently i like to 'argue' so much i am not fit company :shrug:

:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

10. Great response.

I have that trait too.
:hi:

[wildhorses]

12. and ya know --

making up can be ever so much fun ;)

:hi:

[skygazer]

11. Count me in this group

If you asked me, I'd say we rarely argue. If you asked him, he'd say I was always "picking on" him. :rofl:

[wildhorses]

13. exactly --

:hi:

[Nikia]

6. A couple of times per week

Too often for me, but better than the examples that I grew up with it.

[CatholicEdHead]

14. It got so bad (not yelling) that it was pretty much constant

and I had to throw in the towel. :(

[cobalt1999]

15. Not fighting, but we have lots of debates.

No anger involved, but each of us presenting our viewpoint and reasoning to the other. One of the reasons I married her is she is very intelligent and a good debater, 40% of the time she can convince me she's right. I'll win about 25% of the time, and the remainder is an "agree to disagree".

Very few real fights now though. A few back when our first child was born as we had different views on parenting that had to get ironed out.

[terrya]

17. I've never had a fight with him.

Ever.

[fizzgig]

20. right now, almost never

we have small misunderstandings but we've never had a really big fight

with the previous so, we'd have huge blowups at least once a week

[SarahB]

21. Maybe every couple of months.

Given that in the last two years we've both gone back to school and changed careers and got married while balancing that and the needs of 5 children (and fiscally irresponsible exes), I think we're doing pretty well. (For people who don't know and never experienced these things, that's a lot of stress/changes).

I probably fight with him more than I did my ex, but we deal with issues as they arise and talk through them; unlike my ex which consisted of me having to apologize..... and that was pretty much it, so real dialog and working through problems never could happen. We work through things as we need to. I think it's naive to think that no fighting can occur in a relationship where you spend every day with that person for years. Even couples who love each other a lot aren't conjoined podpeople without their own individual thoughts and feelings. Just remember to use "I" messages and don't say anything you're going to regret (i.e. intentionally hurtful to the person you love).

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. thats exactly what i was thinking

[bamacrat]

23. Well over the entire time we have been together we haven't fought much. But..

Lately I have been stressed out finding a job and stuff so its been a little more frequent lately, but all is good.

edit: She has a bit of a short fuse, and I am a guy so that always seems to be fun.

[Madrone]

24. Never.

One of the benefits of being 2000 miles apart. He gets lippy, I hang up on him. Fight over before it starts.

:rofl: Just kidding. ;)

Neither of us are fighters, so I seriously doubt there will ever be many, if any.

[TheDoorbellRang]

25. married 34 years here

and don't fight. We disagree, we discuss our opposing POV's in (ahem) firm, easy-to-hear, tones -- but we don't fight. Over the years I've known couples that get into namecalling in their domestic disputes -- "stupid b*tch" "*ssh*le", etc. None of them are still together. Couples we know who can disagree without the namecalling are still together. More than a coincidence?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. i was asking about normal fights, not crazy abusive fights.

disagreements, bickering etc.

[TheDoorbellRang]

33. Even with those parameters

We've worked out our "kinks" over the years: we've either learned to accept each other's minor foibles or changed our own obnoxious behavior -- so still, no fights these days. :-)

[sakabatou]

28. In my 8, 9 month history

We've only fought once.

[BellaB]

32. My wife and I

have been married for 5 years, together for 6 and we have only had 1 real fight in that whole time. Its called COMMUNICATION, nothing more difficult than that. Talk things out before they get to the fighting stage and your life will be much easier.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

34. Honestly, I feel sorry for the people who think relationships are work...

Ours is just easy!
Duckie

[Pushed To The Left]

35. In my last 2 relationships, the fighting got really bad

Frequent bickering and really hurtful fights. Looking back I realize they were both very unhealthy relationships and the harsh criticism/combativeness/fighting is what watered them down and made them less enjoyable. I think constant fighting is one of the most destructive things for a relationship. I think it's important to make a distinction between conflict and fighting. Conflict is going to be hard to avoid in just about any relationship, and it's important for people to communicate when something is bothering them. But that doesn't mean the couple has to have a fight to resolve it. I think it's better for couples to just be open and honest with each other and to keep the lines of communication open.

I am beginning a new relationship with a wonderful woman, and we have had lengthy discussions about our previous relationships and what we went through. She won't hesitate to bring something up if it is bothering her, but I think her feelings about fighting appear to be the same as mine. I think I very well might be in my first-ever truly healthy relationship!

[bigwillq]

36. Every once and awhile

it's not ever really a full blow fight just disagreements where he or I get mad at each other, raise our voices a bit to express our dissatisfaction with the other....I usually stay mad a bit longer than he (cause I can be a real bitch) but in all honestly we don't really fight all that often.

[Shine]

37. We disagree with each other and have arguments once in a while

but we don't really FIGHT. That word carries too much negative baggage in my opinion.

I think conflict is healthy and natural in a relationship. It's how you both resolve the problems that's the important thing.

:thumbsup:

[REP]

38. Where's the option for "every waking moment"?

We're both laughing as I type this out.

[Sanctified]

39. I like to call them disagreements not fights.

And we occasionally have them, I am totally laid back so it takes a lot to really get me upset and my wife is probably the most patient, understanding and forgiving woman on earth so I really have to mess up bad for her to get upset.

[frogcycle]

41. 39 years and no fights

differences of opinion, yes.
hurt feelings, yes.
fights, no