Anyone ever had 'adopter's remorse' after adopting a pet from a shelter?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

I'm just a couple days into it and it just doesn't feel right. Can't put my finger on it. The dog seems comfortable enough with me but I've got this little voice in my head telling me 'bad idea... bad idea... bad idea...'
I lost my old dog to cancer last spring and I intentionally waited a few months to look for another.

[SmokingJacket]

1. Is the problem that dog, or any dog at all?

I adopted two cats a couple months ago and they're the greatest.

Maybe your dog has a health issue that your subconscious is picking up on?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

5. My subconscious is doing _some_ kind of number on me but >

I'm not sure what.
The rescue group I dealt with may be part of the problem. They were thorough but... odd.

[SmokingJacket]

8. What breed is it?

Is the dog secretly vicious, do you think?

If the dog's not trustworthy, I bet part of you can tell.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

9. He's part lab like my previous dog and part shepherd.

I don't know about vicious but when the foster care person dropped him off and we did the paperwork, THEN and only THEN did I get a warning about possible behavior issues. Like, he might snap at me if I prodded him off the bed (which I've already tried and didn't get snapped at) or that they actually weren't sure about how he is with little kids; and that he isn't real kean on vets. This was not quite in keeping with my initial impressions of the dog. So now even though he's been acting mostly OK (I got growled at once when he discovered I'd left the room while he was distracted by some personal cleansing activity), I've got all those words of caution rolling around in my head. And it's all pretty common cautionary dog stuff but I guess my old lab really was above average-- I just never had to worry about him doing anything antisocial.

[NMDemDist2]

2. i had to return a beautiful Russian Blue cat once, he just wouldn't fit

into our household.

all my other adoptions have lasted a lifetime

[meow2u3]

3. 11 years ago, I adopted a cat from the city pound

The shelter workers thought he was a neutered adult male, when in fact he was a 6-month-old Maine Coon kitten--unaltered! At first, I had adopter's remorse because he stank up the house with his pee (neutering fixed that, and he had three paws in the grave b/c the vet gave him too much anethesia); kept trying to get out to play with other cats; and drove me nuts attacking my ankles. I was going to give him back after I found out this gaffe.

After I got him neutered, and adopted another cat from the shelter, he turned out to be one of the best cats I ever had.

God rest the soul of my Sylvester. I wish I could have him back; he would have been 12 on New Year's Eve.

[TommyO]

4. Maine Coons are the gentle giants of the feline world

I have one patiently waiting for the end of a conference call so he can trip me while heading down to the kitchen to feed him.

[jobycom]

6. Oh GOD! That's a familiar story!

Mine does that. No matter how you watch for her, she worms between your feet in just the right manner.

Another trick she does is whine to get attention, then dodge you as you go to pet her. She'll follow me around, jump on the couch next to me, and even rub her teeth against my arm, but when I reach out to pet her head, she ducks out of the way.

Smartest cat I've ever met.

[meow2u3]

26. Sylvester planted his @$$ right under my feet

My mom had said he was born underfoot! He'd forever plant his Maine Coon ass right where I had to walk!
Another thing he did was parade around the house in an attempt to disturb him so I could let him out--and when I did get off my ass and opened the door, he wouldn't budge! I was ready to tear my hair out!! :mad:

[jobycom]

7. Never. Is this a doubt about the dog, or you?

I mean, are you worried you aren't ready, or that you really don't want to go through it again? Or are you afraid this dog is a bad fit? I've never experienced it, but I can imagine a pet that you don't bond with feeling like a stranger in the house.

I can also imagine that after many years with one companion, suddenly having a different one can almost feel like a betrayal of the first. Or maybe not a betrayal, but just like the new pet isn't fair to your memory of the older one. Oddly, I felt a little of that with my younger daughter--like I was being unfair to my older daughter by forcing another child into her life. Coincidentally, she frequently seems to agree! :rofl:

If I were you, I'd narrow down whether the discomfort is over the dog, or over your feelings of readiness or appropriateness of having another (maybe a different) dog. Or even if you feel the dog is just too much work, and you aren't ready for that. That will give you a better idea of what to work on.

[Corgigal]

10. you're right about something

Your human radar is going off about something you feel from the dog. I would trust it and get another dog from a local pound. Most pounds do temperament testing before they go up for adoption. These are suppose to be lifetime commitments and if its not working now, it might never work.

Call them and move the dog along. Sometimes living things aren't tune to each other. No biggie.

[davsand]

11. My friend returned an adopted hamster.

She got it at the local shelter and it was a vicious little rodent--nothing like the ones they'd had before. She tried to work with the animal but it just got progressively more aggressive with her--to the point that it would lunge at her whenever she opened the cage.

She returned the hamster to that shelter and got a really mean lecture about returning adopted animals. They told her she'd NEVER be allowed to adopt there again. As she was on the way out the door she overheard one of the staff say something about "that damn hamster came back AGAIN!"

She has several hamsters, birds, dogs and aquatic animals and has no problems with any of them being aggressive so I'm inclined to think the hamster was the one with the issues!



Anyhow, if you are getting an odd vibe from the dog I think I'd take it back to the rescue group. I dunno about you, but I'd be just a bit wary of ANY dog growling at me for any reason--let alone for walking out of a room...



Laura

[idgiehkt]

15. hmmm, that makes it clearer

if that is what happened, the growling at someone for leaving the room that is strange behavior. Like either dominance or herding instinct. Either way, it can be corrected.

[idgiehkt]

12. being in a shelter is not a natural environment for a dog

and can be very traumatic. Two days is nowhere near time enough for the dog to adjust to it's new home and new person. This dog has been through who knows what and then got dumped at the shelter and had to adjust to that and now he's having to adjust to a new environment yet again. Maybe what is going on in your head is a protective mechanism to keep you from bonding to the animal...it might just be a defense mechanism in you. Did I understand the post below to say the dog growled at you for leavin the room? I didn't understand that.

Shelters are understaffed and alot of times they can be staffed by incompetent people who care little for animals and know very little about them. I wouldn't put any weight into *anything* they say about this dog, use your own powers of observation instead.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

13. History of the dog:

He supposedly was in a series of shelters. The staff in each liked him enough that when he got close to euthenasia they moved him to a new shelter. For the last month or two he's been in a foster home and the person caring for him brought him to me-- so I got some of the info from him and some from the head of the rescue group. I think if I had gotten some of the warnings prior to agreeing to the adoption, I would have looked around a little longer.
And I agree 2 days isn't enough time to evaluate but how much time do should people give it?

[idgiehkt]

14. wow, that's a lot of moving around

I don't think anyone can accurately predict how this dog is gonna be. I'd say at least a couple of weeks to learn whether there are any behavior problems that can't be overcome. There is no way to know in just a couple of days unless the dog is overly aggressive or whatever. You know, I've never heard of an animal being moved from shelter to shelter like that. That tends to make me think there is something pretty exceptional about this dog, having worked in a shelter and seen some amazingly sweet and beautiful animals put down, mostly because of lack of space. I'm not sure what warnings there are though...you said they said he might growl if you moved him and you tried it and he did not growl, you said they said he might not be okay with kids, which I guess unless you have kids, how much of an issue is that? Older animals might be a little bit more crotchety than younger ones...I rescued a dog once that was like that when you moved him and I had to correct that behavior...once he got some correction (I would just say "no" firmly) he accepted he didn't own the bed, and that dog was 9 or 10 when I rescued him.

[driver8]

16. I would give yourself a few weeks.

This poor dog has been through hell...and it will take him awhile to get comfortable in his new surroundings. Until then, you will not see his true personality.

Give it a chance...your pooch deserves it.

[dropkickpa]

17. I did

After the first 2 days, something with Lila just seemed off, especially when Dropkid was around. She got progressively more possesive of me, to the point where she did the "Oh shit, that dog means business!" growl at DK when she hugged me. I worked on a lot of behavior modification stuff with her and we seemed to resolve most of the issues, and I NEVER left Dropkid alone with her. It all culminated in her biting Dropkid in the face out of the blue unprovoked (we'd had her for over a year at that point). I took her back to the shelter a few days later.

She was a very good dog, just NOT the right dog for us and vice versa (she was placed in an adults only household, where I am sure she is much happier).


If something doesn't seem right, trust your instincts, I wish I had. Lila could have been in her forever home sooner and Dropkid wouldn't have had to go through that experience and the heartbreak of getting rid of Lila (she bawled for days, telling me "I'm not mad at her, please, can't we keep her?").

The rescue you worked with sounds MIGHTY shady, not giving full disclosure on the dog until after all the paperwork is done.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

18. I don't know that I'd call them "shady" but I'm not happy with

holding back that info to the last minute. It may all be normal dog behavior to people who deal with a lot of dogs. To me, it seems like, if not red flags, a lot of little yellow flags. My old lab was about 5 and on his 4th home with me and aside from some non-destructive separation anxiety was a model citizen.
I'm also a little worried that I could get blacklisted by all the local rescue groups if this one wants to punish me. I got the 'none of our dogs have been returned' spiel but the contract stipulates oblications for returning to them for the life of the dog, if the need ever arose.

[XemaSab]

19. Give it a few more weeks

It's impossible to get to know a dog in a few days, and it's impossible for the dog to get to know you.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

20. But has anyone personally gone through this and felt much better about it later?

Also, I get that 2 days is very little time. The rescue group offers a refund of the adoption fee if there's a return in 10 days (the $ isn't the issue for me) so is that the magic amount of time to evaluate?

[bleedingheart]

21. I adopted a pet and had an asthma attack two days later..

it got so bad I had to move to my mother house until my husband took the dog back to the shelter...it broke my heart..

then my hubby came back and washed down every wall and cleaned and washed every floor..

my kids and I are still heartbroken over it..

[China_cat]

22. Trust your gut.

If the fit doesn't feel right, it probably isn't...and isn't a good idea for you to try to make it into one.

There's no shame in calling the rescue group and saying 'this isn't working'. In fact, most of the rescue groups I've worked with give you a honeymoon period to see if it is a good fit. I wouldn't think much of this group if they don't.

[graywarrior]

23. It took me a year to jive with my cat.

I got him to replace the orange tabby someone stole and the new one just didn't live up to old Finnegan. A year later, I adore him. ADORE him. It takes time to get to know one another. Give him some time and you'll grow attached. I swear.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

24. Actually I'm a little worried about growing attached while >>>

too slowly realizing it's a bad fit. The longer you wait, the more traumatic it is on the animal.

[Kali]

25. You may need to up your dominance behavior a bit

the shepard in him may need more than a lab. Get some training if you need to - he will probably be alright.

[LynneSin]

27. I had that for about a year with Evita

She really should have been released back into the wild where she was trapped. She was already 3 years old and the only reason she was purring & cuddling the day I took her home (she was a last minute switch) was because she was still a bit doped up from having surgery.

I can't tell you how many times I felt I should take her back because she just didn't seem happy. But now after 3 years in my life I'm so glad I toughed it out. She doesn't like to be picked up or held but she'll give me some cuddle time for about 20 minutes a day. The rest of the day is spent sleeping, grooming and just looking plain adorable all curled up like the grey fluff-ball that she is.

Oh and she'll save me money on exterminator bills - she's caught the only mouse that got into my place and took care of my bat problem. Of course she managed to kill 2 songbirds while being totally indoors