WARNING!- I *may* be asked to Barbecue

[underpants]

or at least man the grill.

I have lead a concerted effort to avoid this going on almost 30 years now. The plan was simply-utterly fail and no one would ask me to do it again. Who wants to stand over flames in the middle of a summer day when you could be sitting in the shade drinking a cold Miller or in the pool drinking a cold Miller or doing pretty much anything OTHER THAN manning the grill....while drinking a cold Miller.

Well looks like we might have a couple and their boy over this weekend. I need to come up with some sort of injury that could give me an out on this.

Seriously, this can't be good for anyone. :scared:

[BurtWorm]

1. And you can't use DU as an escape hatch, like you do at the office...

That's tough.

:shrug:

[bicentennial_baby]

2. Simple...

Get arrested for soliciting in an airport bathroom!

:hide:

[underpants]

3. but but

I'm not gay!!!!

[bicentennial_baby]

4. ...

:spank:

[Parche]

5. Barbecue

Butt do you have a 'wide' stance? :hi: :bounce:

Happy Barbecuing

[underpants]

7. I don't want to become a statistic

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

29. In that case ...

the OTHER bathroom.

Anything to keep you away from the grill.

Do they server ice-cold Miller in jail?

:rofl:

[JVS]

36. Nah, just get drunk once and piss on the grill. They'll never ask again

[DS1]

6. grill, don't barbeque. barbeque is shit. why would anyone want to destroy

a cut piece of meat by pouring sugar all over it?

[bicentennial_baby]

8. Yes!

Someone else is sane, besides me! :bounce:

[Gormy Cuss]

10. You're crazy.

BBQ is the way to go for certain cuts. Grilling for everything else.

[bicentennial_baby]

13. I just hate BBQ sauce, with a passion

:yoiks:

[DS1]

20. me too

a friend got me some guiness bbq for me bday. it will never be opened. and wtf is guiness doing making anything other than beer in thef first place?

[Gormy Cuss]

24. THAT I understand.

There are a lot of powerfully bad BBQ sauces out there.
I do see you liking slowly cooked, slightly smoky, fall off the bone/melt in your mouth pork or beef.

[Kali]

42. you say bbq sauce like there is only one

you obviously haven't tried any of the 1000's of good ones

[SteppingRazor]

11. What's sugar got to do with it?

Grilling is cooking for a short amount of time over a direct heat source. Barbecue is cooking for a long amount of time over indirect heat.

[DS1]

12. the bbq sauce

nasty stuff

[SteppingRazor]

16. Ah, I see. Still, you can barbecue without bbq sauce.

You need some sort of tenderizer, but it doesn't have to be a sugary, tomato-based sauce.

[AngryAmish]

25. BBQ is a cooking technique, not a description of a sauce

Barbecue means cooking with smoke over a long period of time at a low temperature (225-250 degrees). It infuses the meat with a smokey flavor and the long cooking process dissolves most fat and connective tissue.

Cooking outside over a charcoal or gas fire is grilling. A different cooking technique.

Also in the many regional variation of BBQ there are many different sauces. In Kansas City and sadly Chicago there is a tendency to sweet sauces. There are a few BBQ places who do it right but they are the minority.

Carolina BBQ is a vinegar based sauce (east carolina is a mustard vinegar, west carolina is tomato based vinegar sauce). I'm a west carolina man myself, but I am open. Texas has its own style, one I was resistant to for a long time. Then a new BBQ joint opened in town that makes a superior beef brisket, then I have made my own and I have come to love it.

BBQ is the finest form of cooking meat known to man. It is America's only unique contribution to world cuisine.

[underpants]

15. Okay see I use the two terms interchangibly

so clearly I don't need to be doing this.

I'll just be over here if you need anything. Well anything other than grilling.

[TommyO]

34. Dry rub barbecue is pretty darned tasty!

There's an incredible BBQ place by me that has great dry rub offerings, sauces are only on the side, and I don't use them.

[Gormy Cuss]

9. GoddessofGuiness posted some helpful hints.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6883688&mesg_id=6883688

}( }( }( }( }(

[SteppingRazor]

14. Dude, manning the grill is a privilege, not a chore.

If, out of an entire party, you are the one chosen to man the grill, it says something about the trust others place in you and your ability. And besides, it's not as though you're just staring into an open flame for hours. Prep work is everything. The grilling is just throwing meat on, leaving it alone for a while, turning it over, leaving it alone a while longer, and then taking it off. Simple as that.

[underpants]

17. I thought it meant that no one wanted to talk to me

[SteppingRazor]

18. Pity I don't live nearby. I'd totally do the grilling.

:hi:

[underpants]

19. That would be GREAT!

I could sit down and have a beer. God knows I need one.

[SteppingRazor]

21. Oh, I'd be sitting down and beering too.

The trick to grilling is learning not to do too much.

[Sanctified]

30. Agreed, if you are manning the grill you are the man.

Besides don't most men actually hang out around the Grill during a BBQ, if I am not grilling I am right next to it admiring another mans work.

[Beausoir]

40. Yes! Let everyone do the prep. Throw some meat on the flame. Drink. Reap the accolades.

You're totally the hero!

[Taverner]

22. First rule of BBQing: Less is more

Less heat, less fire...etc

Also less fuel :)

[tigereye]

23. but you're a dad! That's what they do!

he-he.


:hi:


(my husband has no interest in barbecuing....)

[NoodleBoy]

26. man, I love to barbecue, I'll go in your place

you can be one of the freeloaders who drinks cheap beer and talks about how his dog looks in his pickup truck, and I'll grill up some dead animal until it looks like a charred heart that tastes damn good between some potato-bun things and covered in ketchup.

[underpants]

27. See now that's my kind of guest!!

:beer:

[meegbear]

28. BE A MAN, GIRL!

BBQing is one of THE rites of manhood! Hell, if you can't cook raw meat over a fire, then dammit, turn those testes in right now!

[underpants]

33. I don't think we have any testes for this weekend

maybe I misread that post or sumptin'

[Callalily]

31. Okay, just take

a deep breathe. You can do this. Just stand near the grill with tongs in hand. Look the part, that's ll you need to do. Rest assured, Mrs. underpants will come and rescue you.

[underpants]

32. Oooh ooh I know

I'll pull off the old #42--I'll ask all the other guys over to offer their advice, hang up the tongs, and when one enterprising go-getter takes them up and starts working the grill I fade into the background.

It is good to have a backup plan.

[TommyO]

35. I actually got hoodwinked into grilling a london broil yesterday!

I don't know how, but it was perfectly done - after resting for ten minutes under it's foil tent it was a perfect medium to medium rare on the thicker end, and wonderfully moist and tender.

I did good.

[matcom]

37. you BBQ like Tim Russert

:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

38. Trust me. Put on a 'deer in the headlights' look whilst

approaching the grill. Someone else will readily take over.

[johnnie]

39. Simple

Start on those cold Millers now and by the time it's time to cook, everyone may just think you are too drunk to cook. Just start dancing around naked with a lampshade on your head.

[JohnnyLib2]

41. Hold out, for the love of God and sanity!

And for the rest of our quiet little subgroup.

I just got to your post.

Old #42 should work again; you can hear the male taunting in plenty of the posts above. (Let me anticipate one: "grow some body parts, bubba.")
If 42 somehow doesn't work, go for the sleeper. "I'm not sure this is safe, kinda having a diarrhea problem, heh, heh."

My best move so far has been to produce one of THEM, a son who mans the damned BBQ. Old age and wisdom......

[Kali]

43. ask the other males present how they start a fire - one of them will "show:" you and he will take

over the whole job. ask him frequently if he needs another beer, but don't be obsequious about it.

[DarkTirade]

44. It's the end of summer... skip the Miller and grab the last of the Sam Adams Summer Ale

before it's gone! :)
Or not, the more you save for me the better...