Is there anybody out there?

[mzteris]

Please check in if you give a damn at all.

or not.

[Spacemom]

1. just nod if you can hear me

is there anyone home?

I do give a damn. Although a bit more of this margarita, and I probably won't. :D

[mzteris]

2. can you hear the rocks

rattlin' in my head.

No margaritas but I just cracked a beer - maybe I won't give a damn soon.

[SeattleGirl]

3. I am. But all I can hear are crickets.

:silly:

[mzteris]

5. all I'm hearing right now

is this sceetchy damn BIRD! That is, of course, right next to me because that was the only place in the house for it.

(May I go on? If not interested in :rant: please ignore this part: I didn't WANT the damn birds (there were two, one bought it - the quiet one, go figure!) but the boys' dad said, but son#2 WANTED some birds. They're so cute. And easy to take care of. It'll be good for him to have birds. (On top of the 3 dogs, a cat and two - now one - fish.)

AND WHO TAKES CARE OF THE DAMN BIRD? Who has to feed it and water it and clean the damn cage? And who didn't even WANT THE DAMN THING?????????? :banghead: And it screeches and screeches and screeches - some days I really hate being non-violent.

ok :rant:


At least it's quiet where you are.

[SeattleGirl]

6. Almost two quiet. Downright boring, as a matter of fact.

And I really am hearing crickets, which have invaded the house.

[mzteris]

13. ewww - I hate that.

Crickets in the house. Yuck. They eat clothes you know.



Maybe I should send the bird to YOUR house and he could find and eat your crickets?

[SeattleGirl]

21. There's an idea!

I'll just have to make sure the cats stay outside. :crazy:

[mzteris]

52. Or

NOT!

:rofl:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

4. You know Duran Duran asked a similiar question years ago ...

:hide:

[mzteris]

8. um - I think it was Pink Floyd

which had nothing to do with this posting - but I'm just sitting here by my lonesome and feeling - er - lonesome.

Sometimes I don't mind "alone time" - but it just hit me wrong today. I miss my boys when they go to their dad's. My oldest got back TODAY from being gone 10 days. It could have waited until tomorrow for him to go over. (Dad took him up to camp and picked him up from camp.) I understand the little one going over - but - I missed my son and he just blithely went off to "Dad's house" and I hardly even got to talk to him.

Not to mention "dad's" back in town and driving me nuts by sheer proximity. We get along swell when they're several hundred miles between us!



Can you tell I'm a wee bit down tonight?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

29. Um yeah they did ...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dwu6wYtH9fI

I am so sorry that you are feeling lonesome. I am alone a lot but I am not depressed like I used to be. I could be expecting but I won't know until Tuesday so hey that's life sometimes. We have ups and downs. I have so many things happening right now and I don't know the outcome. I applied for a new position at work and I don't know if I got yet or who got it - its up in the air. And like I said I could be expecting - been feeling nauseous for a whole month ,tired and just hungry all the time. That's life - now what does this have to do with what you typed I don't know.

Don't feel down, just think about how your boys are going to run with you with open arms and hugs when they come back home. Cheer up and eat some ice cream .

[mzteris]

38. So they did!!

I don't remember it. And I'll even admit to being a Duran Duran fan way back then. I think maybe even more apropos than Pink Floyd's lyrics (see below).


hey - keep us posted on the whole expecting thing. . . Are you hoping you are or you aren't? Or are you unsure? (You don't have to answer that!) I was VERY unsure about my first pregnancy (and there were a few others along the way) - so I know how it feels to be happy, sad, and unsure - all. It's not a given, you know.

I hope you get the job you want. And the outcome you want.

My boys? Well one's in the process of becoming a "man" (he's TALLER THAN ME NOW!!!!!!!!) so he's being a bit less running and hugging these days, ya know? Mr. COOL or something. bleh. I miss my little boy!!! Damn it. I'm NOT ready for him to grow up yet. It's too soon. WAY too soon.


Thanks for the icecream.




Anyone Out There

I never found out what made you leave
And now the day is over, just an hour to go
I tried to phone last night but you didnt answer
Just left me ringing on the line

Outside is there anyone out there, anyone else outside
Outside love is there anyone out there, anyone else outside

My face in the mirror shows the break in time
A crack in the ocean which does not align
I tried to sleep last night but Ive caught your dreaming
About days we used to wonder away

Outside is there anyone out there, anyone else outside
Outside love is there anyone out there, anyone else outside

Look out of the window maybe you can call by my name
Another night over babe another light comes on in vain

I tried to phone last night but you never answered
Just left me ringing in the air (outside)

[Dr. Strange]

57. Wow, Duran Duran and Pink Floyd in the same thread...

Behold, the Apocalypse is upon us!

[truedelphi]

67. Except it was actually a Def lepard song that asked that.

[SPKrazy]

7. Hey Mzteris!

I'm here!

:hug:

:hug:

how's fifi

:shrug:

how are you?

:hi:

[mzteris]

10. Fifi's great.

She's out on a date or something though. So I'm all alone.

Me? I'm not doing so hot tonight.

Sorry.

[SPKrazy]

14. aw, i'm sorry mzteris

:hug: :hug:

i care...

[Critters2]

9. I do.

Well, mostly I do. What am I being asked to give a damn about?

[mzteris]

15. anything really

Wait - I admit it - ME.

I'm looking for attention. And sympathy.

[Critters2]

16. Okay. You got it.

Do you need sympathy for something in particular?

[mzteris]

17. everything?

Sorry. Just feeling down lately.

It's a lot of stuff. Kids. Life. $$. Dissolving marrage. Trying to find a job. Trying to find a SELF. (I think I got lost somewhere along the way.) Trying to keep going when I feel so frickin' lost. I just feel so inadequate for the challenge some days, ya know? When did I get so old? When, how, did it all go so horribly astray? wtf, I mean WTF happened.

I'm sorry. It's just not a good night here. And you guys are all I've got. Sad, huh?

[Critters2]

19. I know these feelings.

I had just another day where I had no conversation with anyone else. People are impressed with how much I visit parishioners, but it's mostly because I'm so terribly lonely. I should be married, have kids, have a good life.

Yikes, sorry!! This wasn't supposed to be about me!! But I do understand. So, I offer you some understanding and a :hug:

We're here for you!!

[mzteris]

23. thanks.

Some days are better than others, aren't they?

It's just that sometimes, I feel invisible - even in here. I feel like I "know" everyone yet somedays I feel like I'm nothing but a lurker cause even when I post - I get mostly zip in the response department. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. But damn I just got tired of it. I mean, like how damn many ignore lists am I ON? And what did I do to piss so many people off? I really do TRY and I mean TRY to not offend people on here. To the point I hardly even SAY much of anything at all. My therapist wanted to know who "my friends" were - and all I had to tell her about was my imaginary pig Fifi living in my basement whom I got when Southpawkicker and Rev Acts broke up . . . oh I dunno - I'm ramblin' now.

[Critters2]

26. I've never seen you say anything that should land you on an ignore list

And threads I start tend to sink like stones, too. Some days it's hard to know what people will repond to.

You're cared for here. Really. I'm sorry you're down.

But, I must say, I would've loved to see your therapist's face when you said your friend was an imaginary pig...and to read her notes from that session :)

[mzteris]

32. I dunno - sometimes I seem tactless

- or so I'm told. I'm pretty literal about a lot of things. And occasionally I jump to conclusions based on the information I have - and not have the whole pic, ya know? I know I'm on at least a few.

It's being "ignored" without being on an ignore list that actually hurts. And it shouldn't - I mean MY GOD IT"S AN INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD (GET A LIFE!!) How many times have I heard *that* one, eh? But for the last several years, it's been more "my life" (and no I don't have a whole lot of other options to interact with IRL people right now).



Thank goodness my therapist has a sense of humour. I wish I could see her more often. I feel pretty empowered after my sessions. My insurance co has a "cap" on visits though and I'm about out this year so they're stretched out.

[Critters2]

45. Just wanted you to know that I'm not ignoring you

But I'm gonna log off now. Gotta go over sermon notes, set the texts for tomorrow, stuff like that. Gotta walk the dog and do laundry, too. (My parishioners expect me to wear clean underwear to church--laundry snobs!). But I'm thinking of you. Hold onto this for a while: :hug:

'Night :hi:

[mzteris]

48. um -

how would they know? (about the clean underwear, I mean?) :rofl:

Thank you for posting with me. I really DO appreciate it.

Have a wonderful evening and tomorrow.

[Critters2]

51. I love that flower smiley!!

Thanks! I hope you feel better! :hi:

And as to the underwear, somehow they'd just know. :tinfoilhat:

[BarenakedLady]

30. I'm dealing with the same stuff mzteris

It ain't easy.

:hug:

[mzteris]

33. No,

it ain't.

I didn't know you were having a rough time of it. I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm just clueless.

:hug: back atcha.

[Midlodemocrat]

34. Oh, sweetie. I had no idea.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. You're a treasure and deserve happiness.

:grouphug:

[mzteris]

39. Thank you.

Maybe it's just end-of-summer-itis. Or something. :(


oh - and may I send you a PM about something, btw?

[Midlodemocrat]

44. Of course.

[SPKrazy]

36. ...

i know... you got lots to deal with mzteris...

I know the feelings too WTF happened. when...? where???

:hug: :hug:


pm me if you need to talk more

[mzteris]

43. and you start

to feel crazy and all cause other people are telling you "YOU"RE CRAZY" and they're this person you've loved and trusted so they MUST be right, eh? Only somehow you know - they're NOT - and thank god for the therapist - who can say - "WAIT A DARN MINUTE! They said and did "this"??????? " and suddenly you feel like, "hey, I'm NOT crazy!" But then it's a month between visits and there's the constant constant hounding and debasing and degrading and general insulting not to mention - well - anyway

I know you're going through "all that sh*t, too". I hope it's not as bad as here. Though of course, "I have it soooooooooo good" I should be "soooooo grateful." blah blah frickin' blah. (And the ever popular phrase, "you should be NICER to me because I'm still taking care of you" :puke:

And. we. all. frickin. know. what. "nicer". means. don't. we.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

As if. I'd rather be dead first.

[SPKrazy]

53. oh mzteris

so sorry you are so feeling fucked up

i think the moon is in a retrograde, or some shit

or maybe it's the meteor

or maybe there is no gravity, and the earth just sucks.

i think life can suck pretty bad sometimes, and i'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much.

hang in there friend, i know that you are a person with a warm heart and a caring nature.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

and besides, Fifi needs you, 'cause i might eat her :evilgrin:

protect Fifi!

[mzteris]

55. You would not!

You're too nice to do that to Fifi!



At least she's making friends:

Elsie:
Henrietta:
and some really wild guy:


Something must be off lately. I've been really down the last few days. Here's hoping the stars change alignment soon.

How are you doing this evening?

[SPKrazy]

58. oh, well...

i'm okay...

just moved today

tired, and sad, and feeling positively sort of...

thanks

oh and Fif looks like she's doing well... ;)

[mzteris]

65. It'll get better -

some days are just better than others, eh?

:loveya:


I like that Fifi has friends now, but the partying in the basement kept me up all night.

[SPKrazy]

71. It may not...

I however will

:hi:

:hug:

happy for Fifi

get earplugs

:rofl:

[mzteris]

75. You will - and I will -

though you're right - "it" probably won't.


You know, it just dawned on me, Fifi definitely has to move OUT of the basement.

My daughter may - MAY, mind you - being moving in for "awhile" - and the basement is probably where she'll light. (There's a full bath, a wetbar with minifridge down there, and a tv. Of course there's also a bunch of boxes, tons of books, a drumset and a pool table!! - which I have to figure out what to do with!)

At any rate, if she hears me telling people I have a pig living in my basement, I'ma guessing she just MIGHT take it the wrong way, doncha think? :rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

35. OT and not to hijack this thread

but I've noticed lately your posts seem much happier as if something wonderful has happened to you.

Not that you were gloom and doom before, mind you, but your posts lately just resonate happiness and well being.

[Critters2]

40. Me? Really?

No, nothing's that much better. The conflict at the church has quieted, though I honestly think that's just a lull and expect it to rear its head again one of these days.

The church did have staff come in and do this evaluation process, and I got GLOWING reviews for my work. I was called the best preacher the church has ever had (it's a 150 year old church--so I don't think the people who wrote that really know), great remarks about my visiting, my Bible studies, etc. That helps quite a bit.

The gloom and doom might have come when I was first reading Girard. Man, he paints a pretty bleak picture of humankind.


And I've started yoga. Maybe I'm just more in touch with Atman!!

Seriesly, thanks for the kind words. Happiness and well being...who'd a thunk?!

[Midlodemocrat]

46. Yes, and I didn't mean to imply that you were

not happy before. It's just that I have noticed a lightness and a happier tone to your posts lately, so I had assumed that something was going well for you in your offline life.

I hope that is the case.

[Critters2]

49. Maybe it's that I'm really seriously thinking of moving

This place and I are not a great match, so I've been looking into other possibilities. Just knowing one doesn't have to stay in a bad place forever is a load off!!

Gotta go! Have a great weekend! :hi:

[lost-in-nj]

11. I care

about my kids
my family
my friends
my new love....
my friends here on DU


:hug: :hug: :hug:

Mrs.Grumpy and family

shit


lost
on edit:
Billyskank I care and I am worried......

[Critters2]

20. Good point. Where is Billy? nt

[BarenakedLady]

12. I give a damn.

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. I certainly do give a damn, my dear mzteris...

What's the matter, sweetie?

You know I'm here for you...

Sounds like today has been rough...:hug:

[mzteris]

24. lots of days, really.

Thanks. CP. It's just everything really.

I'm sorry.

[NC_Nurse]

22. Hey darlin'.

I'm here and I give a damn.

I also know how proximity can make an ex go from irritating to downright demoralizing.
Hang in there. :hug:

[mzteris]

27. oh yeah

you nailed it in one: "how proximity can make an ex go from irritating to downright demoralizing"

Not the ONLY thing - but a major thing.

Jeeezus. How can a simple conversation go downhill so fast? How does it turn into a screaming match of recriminations so quickly?

I become nearly paralyzed into not saying ANYTHING because I'm trying to figure out what - and HOW - to say something that doesn't piss him off. (But it doesn't matter. I think my breathing pisses him off.) And then I'm accused of being "indecisive" well, if hr had to consider every single syllable that came out of his mouth he'd sound "indecisive", too, eh?

Ooops - I'm ranting again. Sorry.

Thanks for the hug. I needed that.

[NC_Nurse]

37. Yikes. Sounds like a major drag.

Some people are just AGGRESSIVE. They pick at every word and rush you to talk -
probably hoping you'll "step in it". Sometimes it's better to just be quiet and let him step in it first. :)

Anyway, I'm sorry stuff sucks right now.

[valerief]

25. I'm busy working on getting U.S. maps to Merkan schoolchildren.

I'm sending thousands to South Carolina first.

[mzteris]

28. ceptin' they cain't read none

yew no.

No Child Gets Ahead without Neil Bush's curriculm package! yay.

[valerief]

31. That Miss Teen contestant will get the first one. nt

[Critters2]

41. Good luck with that!

Some people just don't have maps, ya know!!

[mac56]

42. I definitely give a damn.

I'm going through some stuff very similar to what you describe.

Hang in there - and I will too -

[mzteris]

47. Hey mac -

Thanks.

I'm sorry I don't even recognize your screenname. This place is just so darn big, isn't it?

I'm sorry to hear you're going through similar.

I didn't mean to just unload my dirty laundry like that, but right now I just don't give a damn about telling the details. Maybe it'll help someone else.

I'm tired of trying to be "good" and "quiet" and "nice". It really isn't my nature. Well - I mean - I am good and nice - but I used to NEVER be quiet. And I used to be quite rowdy. I don't know if it's age - or just - I'm afraid anymore.

Thanks for posting. I'll try and look out for you in the future. 'k?

:hug:

[mac56]

50. Thanks to you too.

Sometimes you just have to unload, in a place where you feel safe and supported. Not always easy to find. We have to savor such places when we find them.

Hang in there, and god bless.

:pals:

[HuskerDU]

54. Frankly my dear...

I DO give a damn!

:hug:

[mzteris]

56. oh rhett....

I knew yew cay-uhd!

[billyskank]

59. I care.

[mzteris]

62. oooh Billy -

I know you do.

Thanks, hon.


:hug:

I've been a bit worried about you. Are you okay?

[NewWaveChick1981]

60. I'm here.

:) I've been sick for the past couple of days, but I'm here. I do give a damn. :)

[mzteris]

63. hey chica

I hope you're feeling better soon!

[NewWaveChick1981]

66. Thanks, mzteris!

:hi: :) I've felt much better today. :D I actually got out for about an hour this afternoon.

[taterguy]

61. We care a lot

Well, these guys do:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VDwiTxXzFsA

[mzteris]

64. thanks -

That was sweet. Made me wanna

[DarkTirade]

68. Occasionally I give a damn or two, but rarely more than that. :)

[mzteris]

72. which is infinitely better

than not giving any damn a'tall. :P

[LaurenG]

69. I lurk therefore I am

:hi:

[mzteris]

73. Lurkers

have to stick together, you know.

:pals:

[Lyric]

70. hey sweetness

:hug: :loveya:

I am definitely in the "Gives a Damn" category.

[mzteris]

74. Thanks . . .

At least I'm feeling a bit better today - in some ways - the important ones, really.