Pilot's Gripe Sheet

[arwalden]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot, S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[curlyred]

1. My dad was an airplane mechanic

...and he says this is mild compared to the stuff they used to do to the pilots. There is an enmity between pilots and mechanics for some reason....

[HawkerHurricane]

2. My dad was also a aircraft mechanic...

or Radar/Radio repairman in the Air Farce...

Says the best thing he saw on a gripe list was...

P: Aircraft relief tube to short for use.
S: Aircraft relief tube regulation length. Pilot's relief tube must be too short.

[MaineDem]

3. My former Navy AMS (aviation structural mechanic) husband...

is painting my kitchen cabinets. I just read this to him and he had to stop painting. We were both laughing so hard; my stomach hurts now.

Thank you for the laughs.