If You Could Have Just One Choice Back To Do Over, What Would It Be And Why?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

Part of my brain is in a deep kind of mode tonight, and I was reflecting a tad. I couldn't help thinking about an old friend of mine who had committed suicide.

It was a pretty tragic story. I believe he was only 19 at the time. But this kid was to this day one of the most decent, funny, charming, good hearted and easy to get along with people I've ever known. Unfortunately, he had a breakup our senior year in high school that broke his heart. He attempted suicide by driving like 90 miles an hour into a tree. Amazingly enough, he survived; though he was in a coma for quite some time. After he came out of the coma, he had some brain damage. He ended up recovering almost fully but would seem a bit more in a daze sometimes when talking to him. If someone hadn't known him in the past though, you would've never known anything had happened to him. It was amazing how much he recovered. But being good friends with him, I knew the truth. He used to say how tormented he was with his mind, because his conscious mind would still know exactly what it wanted to say, but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't force it out of his mouth at times. It was like part of his mind was trapped within himself.

Well anyway, some months went by and I hadn't talked to him. I saw him one night in a diner and we chatted at the table a bit over some coffee. He seemed to be doin ok and his 'make ya feel good' smile was on as always. But after we were done chattin a bit, and I went back to my table where the friends I was hangin out with were, his sister came over and told me that he's been a bit depressed lately and I should really give him a call and take him out. She knew I was really good with mental strength type stuff and would be able to talk to him in ways others couldn't. I promised her I would.

Unfortunately, sometimes we get too wrapped up in our day to day to realize how quickly the days go by. In this case, a week and a half went by like a flash. I didn't call him during that week and a half. But what I do know is a week and a half later, he was reported missing. After a two week long search thereafter, they finally found his body hanging from a tree in a remote part of the woods.

To this day I cry sometimes because we lost a really good soul that day. I also cry because I will always have the guilt of knowing I should've called, and didn't. I know I could've saved him if I had. I know I could've. So if I could ever do over a choice, it would've been to make that call. Just that one simple phone call.

But after reflecting on that tonight, I was curious what choices other DU'ers would just do anything to do over if they could. They don't have to be nearly as deep or sorrowful as what I posted above, but I'm curious nonetheless.

[Haole Girl]

1. Please don't blame yourself

:hug:

I'm sorry I can't think about what I would "do over" at this moment.

Part of me thinks about it, sometimes, but it would be too painful to put it all into words.

[RebelOne]

2. I would do over my whole life starting from age 16. n/t

[Fox Mulder]

3. I would do everything in my life over again.

Starting from the moment of my birth.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

4. Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your friend

:hug: :hug:

I regret not spending more time with my mother before she passed away earlier this year. I spent the last few weeks of her life with her and while I cherished and valued that time and it has helped with the grieving process that we shared those last few weeks together, I regret that I didn't go and spend time with her earlier -she had been sick for a long time and I could have spent a lot more time with her. I would do that and would also have tried to resolve some of the problems in our relationship a lot earlier if I could have -although I am thankful that we did make peace with each other

I regret not seeing my grandmother for a year and a half before she passed away. She lived overseas and she was ailing. I had spent much quality time with her in the past but I wished that I'd gone with the rest of the family to visit her earlier in the year that she passed away. I would also have attended her funeral -I think it helps with the healing and the grieving process

There are various choices I made during my university years that I would love to have the opportunityh to change and there are certain risks in my life I wish I'd been more prepared to take. I think, had I done so, I would be much better off now

[EstimatedProphet]

5. I think it would be my first marriage

That was a complete mistake.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

8. Any Kids With It?

[EstimatedProphet]

26. Fortunately not

[Lyric]

6. I'd go back to being 15 years old

and this time, when my Mom left my Dad, I'd refuse to go with her. I'd try my best to convince my younger sister to stay too. My Mom has said that if all three of her kids has refused to go with her, she wouldn't have left the state. She'd have left Dad, but she wouldn't have moved all the way to Virginia.

Maybe if we had all stayed in Morgantown, my Dad would still be alive right now.

[cobalt1999]

7. Well, you can't control what other people do

Taking your own life is a pretty big deal that one phone call from you wasn't going to change.

Amazingly, I have no big regrets or things I would change. I'm curious about other paths in life I could have taken, but this is a darn good one too.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

9. I Totally Disagree.

Many people have been steered away from that fate by others. What you must understand is that the one phone call is the start, not the end.

I may have accomplished nothing. But then again, maybe I would've. I'll never know for certain.

Good for you that you have no choices you would make differently though. That's pretty cool!

[cobalt1999]

12. I still think it was a long shot chance.

Sure some have been steered away, but many more continue on to that fate despite the valiant efforts of friends and family.

Yes it is pretty cool to have no real big regrets in my life. I figure one day an anvil will drop on my head to even things out though. :)

[skygazer]

10. There is very little chance that you could have saved him

I understand about guilt like that - it's nearly impossible not to feel it because you want so badly to believe that someone could have saved him from himself. But that's not really so. You are beating yourself up over something you had no control over. None. You just wish you did.

As for me, I would choose not to go babysit my nephew on a certain night in May of 1976. I would put my horse in the barn that night instead of leaving him out in the pasture. And I would patrol the whole thing and fix any weak spots.

That night, my beautiful coal black horse got out and wandered down to the highway where he was hit by a car. He was horribly injured but not killed outright and had to suffer until the vet arrived to put him down.

And yes, I feel guilt about that, too - no doubt as undeserved as yours. :hug:

[HuskerDU]

11. Can't blame yourself my friend.

I had a similar experience. 'Husker you have to call Groove I think he's going off the deep end!'

'I can't right now we are going out of town.' Groove stole a car and ended up going to prison. He was very similar to the person you described, funniest guy at the party, yet somehow tormented.

I too cry. (after prison, Groove disappeared without a trace- I fear he is dead and his family had already disowned him- noone would know!) And I wish I would've called. But I am not a superhero and neither are you. Remember your friend for the warmth he brought to life and don't dwell on the shoulda's and coulda's. I've gone there myself but it does no good.

[bearfan454]

13. I would have never started with the booze and pot.

I missed my son's entire childhood. I'm 50 now. I've been sober for years. It was a shame I didn't see my son grow up.

[Left Is Write]

14. I can't answer that, because no one event happens in a vacuum.

And please - don't beat yourself up over your friend. It's not your fault. I'm sorry for his pain, and yours.

[av8rdave]

15. During my divorce, I should have

moved to have mother's parental rights completely terminated. I realize that normally this is devastating to children and shouldn't even be considered, but this situation was never normal. She has done incalculable damage over the years.

[triguy46]

16. gone to law school....

I will take 50% of the blame, I credit my first undergraduate college with the other 50% through non-existent advising.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

17. Two things:

1) I wasn't rebellious enough as a teenager and college student. I gave into my mother's over-protective and old-fashioned advice on two occasions, which together have had a profound influence on the rest of my life.

2) I had three opportunities to relocate overseas before I was 36 years old. I turned down all of them, for what seemed like good reasons at the time, but which were really my fears talking. Now I'm considered too old to emigrate to most places.

[Debi]

18. I'm sorry for your loss.

:hug:

What would I change? I would have NOT used alcohol at such a young age - would have ENJOYED school more and not looked for the next party. Most of my life's problems have been created looking for "fun". My son and his friends made it all the way through high school w/out drinking - and they had fun AND are on a really good path into adulthood. I'm not against drinking and don't have an alcohol problem (I just don't really drink anymore) but I think that if I would've waited to start drinking, I would have waited on a lot of things and enjoyed being a kid more.

[Blue-Jay]

19. I wouldn't have beaten the crap out of Ron Dillard.

I still feel bad about that.

[conscious evolution]

20. I should have helped her take down her tent.

But I had to get back to Atl to meet some clients the next morning.I knew if I went to help her we would have not come out of that tent for days.So I left and headed back home.
Five minutes after I left a vampire saw her and worked his magic on her.
Have you ever seen a trainwreck coming and were powerless to stop it?That is what is coming for her and anything I might do now would make it even worse.
Talk about painful.aargg!!

And to top it all off-the clients I were supposed to meet did not show up.

[NewWaveChick1981]

21. That is tragic.

:hug: I'm sorry.

My do-over choice would be to speak up before we moved from Atlanta to NC. My parents were trying to make a fresh start of things because stuff had been so bad between them, and they got the idea that moving closer to my grandmother would be a nice change of pace. I was the oldest child (12 at the time), and my brother and sister went along with what I said. I told both my parents that I'd be OK with whatever they decided. They chose to move, and it was the wrong choice. Obviously, we didn't know that until after the fact, but if I'd told Mom and Dad I didn't want to move, they would probably have listened to me. My life would have turned out a lot differently.

[WinkyDink]

22. {{OperationMindCrime}} Mine is just that I would most definitely NOT become a teacher.

I'd become an archaeologist.

[SPKrazy]

23. Ultimately We Are All Responsible For Ourselves

don't blame yourself for that

what if what if

doesn't ever count because it wasn't.

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

24. Moved to California sooner so I could have met my wife sooner and spent more years with her

9 years could have been a lot more if I had known her sooner :)

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

25. Awwww, Now That's One Hell Of A Reply SS. Good For You!

And God bless you both.

[yellowdogintexas]

27. not married the first husband

because if I had not married him I would have been far less miserable for 13 years, and most likely would have acquired some additional degree of some sort and had an improved career outlook.


On the other hand, I seriously doubt I would have met my current spouse if I had not married the first one and stayed with him as long as I did. There fore I also would not have this particular wonderful child and both of them are quite worth it


and on a more frivolous note, wish I had listened to my college roommate and about 30 of our friends and gone ahead and pledged the sorority. My mom was agin' it and I wish I had not let her influence me that much on that particular thing.

[Xipe Totec]

28. Adopt two Russian kids instead of one

We adopted one foreign exchange student, put him through college, got him settled and on his way to becoming a US citizen someday.

The other one returned home and committed suicide within a year. Somehow, I wish we could have made room for him as well.

Now I have a knot in my throat again.