I'm depressed

[Critters2]

Because all of its regular attenders are members of the "we hate Pastor Critters" faction, no one showed up for my Wednesday night Bible study. The funny thing is that I used to hate this class, because it would run late into the evening. But I sat there and waited, and slowly realized what was happening. Then I had a good cry.

More people like me than not, but those who don't can sure make life unpleasant.

Thanks.

Critters

[SPKrazy]

1. I'm depressed too

for different reasons

:hug: :hug:

hope you feel better soon

on edit:

I've sat many a night waiting for some support group to show up, or form, or whatever...

bible study, not done that, but when you take your time and you put your effort and energy into it is easy to take it personally.

don't.

[Critters2]

2. Thanks. You too.

:hug:

[Cabcere]

17. Hey, SPK...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Better? ;)

Seriously, I hope things get better for you as well, my friend...DUers are such cool people, and I hate to see anyone here sad! :hi:

[lizziegrace]

3. ...

:hug:

I'd have done the same thing. :(

[Critters2]

4. Thank you. nt

[idgiehkt]

5. I do this little exercise sometimes

in my head when I'm going through hard times (not life-shattering hard times, but people-problem hard times) I call 'who would I rather be'...I map out what everyone's role is in the events that occurred and ask myself 'would I rather be the person that ________', (for example, 'would I rather be the person that misrepresented themselves as a friend to me, then stabbed me in the back') or whatever, etc, etc. I always end up being grateful I am the one that was wronged rather than the ones that did the wronging. If I have wronged someone I apologize (by that point I already would have made the apology), and if I haven't then I focus all my energy on keeping my side of the street clean, and not reacting to people's attempts to bait me back into their drama or prolong my relationship with them. I know these little psych ops are painful, but you really have to stand your ground regardless. Don't let people's pettiness make you unsteady. Nature abhors a vacuum, but you have to have a vacuum for new, positive things to flow into it...

I chant this verse like a mantra sometimes: "trust in the lord with all thine heart, lean not unto thine own understanding". I am more confident than I have ever been (and I have been through it with some trifling folks in the last 6-9 months) that the people that are supposed to be in my life will be there, and the ones that are not God will step in and remove, sometimes via these little dramas. A while back the universe was pulling them out so fast it was like someone had stuck a Hoover vacuum cleaner hose down into my life and it was sucking them right out one after the other. It was dispiriting at first but when finally realized what was going on was a cosmic thing, it became a spiritual experience and by the time the last couple or three got sucked out I let go much more easily, I was like 'whoops, there goes another one up the hose'. And I sat in the vacuum for a while and then they began to be replaced by rock solid folks, people I should have been seeking out in the first place if I'd used more discretion and listened to that little voice in my gut. Sorry to be so long-winded, I can relate in a sense. Much, much better things are in store for you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Critters2]

8. All very wise. Thank you.

I've been very careful about "keeping my side of the street clean". When I feel a vengeful thought arising, I let it play itself out in my head..."What would happen if I..." and then I see how much more damage I'd do if I gave into my anger. That tends to stop it pretty quickly. Not the anger, but the impulse to act on it.

I've been going to Emotions Anonymous, and the "admitting I'm powerless over my emotions" part is VERY helpful to me, much like your quote "trust in the Lord..." It's not for me to solve all the problems, just not do anything to make them worse. I've also been reading a theologian (and former prof of mine) who writes about the role of the Holy Spirit as the one who stands beside us through the hard times (in the midst of all this Girardian stuff about God being there with victims of ritual sacrifice--really pretty deep, but ultimately useful). That is VERY helpful to me--reminds me that I'm not alone, no matter how alone I feel.

Better things are in store, but I hate going through what I have to to get there. But I will.

Thanks a lot!! Especially for the hug!!

[idgiehkt]

12. that is so powerful:

"It's not for me to solve all the problems, just not do anything to make them worse." I love it.
:woohoo:

thanks for mentioning EA
I really need to check that out; I've been to some of the A's since I got into recovery in '92 but not that one. I realize in part because of what drama I've been through that I need to work on expressing my anger, just because I have a hard time with that, I realized today my upbringing is that you are never to express anger with outsiders (those outside the family) ever, you are supposed to hold it all in, which I know isn't healthy.

I know what you mean about the vengeful thought processes; I know for me that I won't be able to live with it, I will *have* to apologize to clear my conscience so when I envision those scenarios I carry it through to where I see myself having to apologize and that kills the desire for me, lol. Works every time; the last thing I want to have to say to someone who has wronged me is "I'm sorry", when I haven't even ever gotten an apology from them. Plus it will inevitably prolong the relationship which at that point I'm aware needs to fade into the past as quickly as possible. I'll check out the Girardian thing...I've never heard that term. I hope those folks don't get you down for much longer. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[mzteris]

24. Emotions Anonymous?

What is that? I've never heard of it before.

Sounds interesting, (and maybe apropos?) .

[Critters2]

33. A 12 step program for people with emotional issues--

depression, anxiety, anger, whatever. It really helped me through a bad depression about a decade ago, but then I thought I was well, and stopped going. I've started doing it again, and am trying to be more committed to it. I'll always be powerless over my emotions!

There's no meeting in the town where I live, but I participate in a phone-in meeting on Monday mornings. which works nicely because Monday is my day off. There's also an e-mail list (a Yahoo group).

Here's the website

http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/

[mzteris]

52. thanks -

i'll look into that.

It's interesting to know about, either way.

I hope you're feeling better today!

:hug:

[Kali]

6. oh that was sad

I'm sorry.

[Critters2]

9. Thank you. nt

[Shine]

7. Sorry.

:hug:

[Critters2]

10. Thanks!! nt

[The Straight Story]

11. Well, that sucks - maybe we could do one online

A lounge bible study - good Lord the site would implode :) but I'd still chime in.

[idgiehkt]

13. why the heck not?

I am not christian or anything but the bible as a historical document I find interesting. That is actually a thought, the next time Mycritters hasn't any attendence we can be her pupils or whatever they are called in bible study. :) :hug:

[The Straight Story]

15. I'm all in :)

May have to bounce in and out till the daughter is in bed, but I am game.

[Critters2]

35. It's on!!

That'll be fun!

[EstimatedProphet]

30. Isn't that the R/T forum?

[Critters2]

34. Hey, that'd be interesting.

What would you like to study?

[elshiva]

14. Dear Pastor Critters,

You are a thoughtful person. I would love to go to your Bible Study. What are you studying?

We are doing the Book of Revelations starting Sept. 13.

[Critters2]

36. Just going through the Bible

We were supposed to start this fall with I Kings.

What study text are you using for your Revelation study? For my money, _Breaking the Code_ by Bruce Metzger is the best Revelation study. It answers all the fundie Revelation nonsense really well.

[Cabcere]

16. I'm sorry, mycritters2

:hug: I don't see how anybody could hate you - based on your posts here that I've read, you seem like a really nice and cool person. Their loss, I guess! :hi: :hug:

[Critters2]

37. Thank you. That's very kind! nt

[TK421]

18. Perhaps they find Bible study a boring subject...why not take it up a notch?

TOPLESS Bible study!!!!! There you go! Now THAT will get their attention, won't it? Forget Moses and the Burning Bush....oh...I'm not gonna go that far, but..anyway...just a few pointers for that Bible study class. Oh, by the way...don't be too hard on your students if they focus on nothing else but your bustline while you're explaining the Passion to them. :D

[wildhorses]

19. ~

:hug:

[Blue-Jay]

20. "Good evening, everyone.

Before we begin, I'd like to share some thoughts on last week's church breakfast - normally I don't take it personally when people don't participate, but when you're sitting alone with 300 pancakes, you can't help but take stock. So after a glass of merlot and a good cry..."

[TK421]

21. Where's the fucking maple syrup, pastor?

:D

[TK421]

22. Oh...and PANCAKES are the DEVIL

just in case you didn't know...Leviticus-38:26+34-89*54(some bullshit)$$$$$$$$$87

You know...THAT passage!!!!!

[elshiva]

26. YES! AMEN!

:rofl:

[Critters2]

38. LOL!!!

Merlot would've helped. Next week.

[stuntcat]

23. :hug:

I hate that feeling. You sound strong though, I mean even if the haters hurt you you're still more reasonable than they probably are :hug:

I know how that feels kinda, everyone who knows me seems to either like me a lot or hate me.

[RevCheesehead]

25. Hey, I've been there, too.

And it still sucks. :hug::hug::hug:

[Critters2]

40. My PPRC is being really supportive and good.

I think that's why it's hitting the fan again...the haters are realizing they're not winning. The rest of us are starting to move on. They can't stand that.

Hey! It's good to see you!! I've been wondering where, and how, you were! :hi:

[RevCheesehead]

48. I'm so glad you have a supportive PPRC.

Mine is fabulous, too. When problems came up about someone complaining on how messy my house is, they all said 1) it's a non-issue, out of bounds; and 2) they UNANIMOUSLY support me 100%!

I still don't know why people choose to act out in their congregation. Isn't that sort of like taking a dump in public?

I've been away, helping my dad move to a smaller apartment (same complex, just a different wing). Sure glad that's over... it was emotionally, as well as physically exhausting.

Remember, Critters, I'm just a PM away. :)

[Critters2]

49. I missed you, and was becoming worried.

I'm glad you're back and well!

Yeah, my PPRC has been great. When the haters sent the committee a letter listing all the things I'd supposedly done to slight them, the chair said, "What is with these people? We're not a trial court!!".
My moderator expressed a hope they'd just transfer to another church, and I strongly encouraged him to keep that kind of talk to a minimum. But things are okay most of the time. I know they're out there, and once in a while they rear their ugly head. But I have a lot of support, from the congregation and the Association.

I've often worried that someone might complain about my housekeeping, but that hasn't happened so far. *knock on wood*

Thanks for the offer of PM'ing for support. I will keep that in mind. You do the same, if you need to.

For now, I'm wicked tired. It's hay hittin' time.

Have a good night! :hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

27. Isn't it a drag

to be powerless over other people? On the other hand, it's a relief, too, since it means you're not responsible for their actions. Whew!

Here, have another glass of sacramental wine. Where'd you hide the host & dip?

[Critters2]

41. The dill dip goes best with host, imo

And I prefer a nice Riesling to that red sacramental stuff. But that's me.

[Ellen Forradalom]

51. Host & guacamole sounds good to me

And that red sacramental hooch would make a nice sangria.

[KitchenWitch]

28. Wish there was something I could do to make it better.

Humans are asses sometimes.

:hug:

[Critters2]

42. Thanks. Yes, yes they are. nt

[Redbear]

29. I would love to go to any Bible study you are leading.

I always enjoy your perspective on things.

[Critters2]

43. Thank you! nt

[Connonym]

31. well screw them

:hug:

[Critters2]

44. That's pretty much where I am now.

Thanks for the hug.

[NC_Nurse]

32. Geez.

How very "Christian" of them. :eyes:

Sorry, my friend. :hug:

[Critters2]

45. Thanks!! nt

[skygazer]

39. I'm sorry

That had to hurt. :hug:

[Critters2]

46. It did, but I'll be okay.

Thanks!

[billyskank]

47. So am I.

:(

:hug:

[Critters2]

50. I know. I wish I could help.

At least there's this :hug:


Thanks, Billy