My grandmother died today

[alarimer]

I got a call last night from my mother who said that she had gone downhill a lot in the last week so we were expecting this soon. And it is probably for the best. She suffered from congestive heart failure as well as the effects of her stroke. She could not speak very well but she was clearly "all there." She would have been 90 years old in October so it was a good long life.

She had been in a nursing home since her stroke about a year and half ago. I went up there in July to see her. I hated seeing her there. It was sad.

I don't know if I want to go to the funeral or not. I live a long way away and I don't have a lot of money right now. Airfare wouldn't be that bad, but I just don't know when it is yet so I can't make a reservation. Not sure I want to drive, with $3 gasoline (and the fact that it is 1300 miles one way.

[SPKrazy]

1. ...

:hug:

sorry

[alarimer]

9. Thank you.

[Maine-ah]

2. sorry to hear it, alarimer....

:hug:

I missed my G. Grandmothers funeral because a similar situation. I rather regret it now.

[alarimer]

10. Thank you

I haven't made a decision yet on the funeral.

[TommyO]

28. I missed my cousin's funeral because i was traveling

and I definitely regret it as well

[JVS]

3. sorry to hear that

[alarimer]

11. thanks

[lost-in-nj]

4. ....

I'm sorry....
I will keep you in my thoughts.....

:hug:

lost

[alarimer]

13. Thank you

[Wcross]

5. Call the airlines and see if they have a grievance fare.

They often discount tickets for travel to funerals.

I am sorry to hear you have lost your grandmother.

[alarimer]

14. I'll do that

Thanks.

[SoxFan]

23. I agree

When my wife's grandmother died a few years ago, she was able to find a bereavement rate on a flight from Boston to Memphis.

[Wcross]

39. Bereavement! That's the word I failed to conjure up!

I used the term "grievance" fare last time I called for one and the woman was puzzled at what I was trying to say! Thanks for the correct term, I'm gonna have to write that down in case I need to call them again.

[yellowdogintexas]

42. absolutely you must check out bereavement fares. Depending

on airlines, they discount significantly. My daughter and I got both our tickets for my mother's funeral for not much more than a normal planned ahead discount fare, and these were of course last minute tickets.

and on edit, condolences on the loss of your grandmother. Both of mine lived to advanced ages and I miss them both a great deal. Good full lives, both of them. Hope you get to the funeral, you will be glad you went.

[Catshrink]

6. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

:grouphug:

[alarimer]

15. Thank you.

[havocmom]

7. Strength to you and yours, alarimer.

Anytime you need to vent or just want a friendly shoulder to lean on, the crew in the Bereavement Group are really quite kind.

Don't beat yourself up if you really can't afford the trip. Stay in touch with your mom and make sure she knows she has you to talk to.

Do something your grandmother would have got a kick from or something honoring what she taught you or some value she helped instill in you. You don't have to be at a service to honor the departed. Take one thing you really liked/admired about that person, and make a conscious effort to integrate that trait into how you live your life.

Know people are around here to help you when grief needs a witness.

peace, to your grandmother, you and your kin.

hm

[alarimer]

16. Thank you.

I won't make a decision on going until I know the details.

[rockymountaindem]

8. I'm sorry to hear that

My condolences

[alarimer]

17. Thank you

[fizzgig]

12. i am sorry to hear that

:hug: to you and your family

[alarimer]

19. Thank you

[Liberalynn]

18. You and your family

have my deepest sympathies. :hug:

[alarimer]

20. Thank you

[wildhorses]

21. ~*~*~

[Erva]

22. I am sorry to hear that.

I really adored my grandmother and it was terrible for me when she died. Hang in there.

[Debi]

24. Sorry for your loss

:hug:

[Shine]

25. I'm sorry for your loss, alirimer

:hug: I'm glad you at least got to see her in July, even though it was sad.

The airlines typically have a "bereavement fare", for those needing to fly quickly to a funeral. They're usually lower than the regular fares. Worth looking into, if you haven't already.

:hug: I wish you and your family Peace and Comfort during this time.

Blessed be to your beloved Grandmother on her journey. O8)

[alarimer]

26. Thank you

I will look into it.

[Ava]

27. i'm so sorry for your loss

:hug:

[question everything]

29. Deepest sympathies

I hope that, until the stroke, she lived a full life and that you have memories of her of the good times.

As for the funeral - it is for the living, not for the dead. Talk to your mom, see how she feels, whether she would need you there for support.

Otherwise, if you are planning on visiting for Thanksgiving or Christmas, your support perhaps could be postponed for a few months.

[alarimer]

31. She came to Texas about 2 years ago

This was six months or so before the stroke. She was still a pistol. She used a wheelchair when we were in San Antonio because we walked around a lot but other than that, she was her old self.

My mom has already said I don't have to go but I have not made up my mind. My mother's sister and a couple of my cousins live in Austin. We may carpool or travel together but since I do no know the details, I have not made a decision.

[TommyO]

30. My condolences to you and your family.

It's never easy when a loved one passes, regardless of their age. I can understand your hesitancy to travel, but if you can do it, I would recommend it. I was away on vacation when my cousin died, and regret missing her funeral to this day, nearly fifteen years later.

[Nikia]

32. I am sorry about your grandmother

I know that it is hard to lose a grandparent. I hope that you can find a way to attend the funeral if you would like.

[UrbScotty]

33. (((alarimer)))

:hug:

I would suggest you go ahead and go. You may regret not going. If money is an obstacle, don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help.

[laylah]

34. ...

:hug: So sorry for your loss. Grandma's are in the "VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE" category. Mine passed 5 mos before her 100th. I had seen her probably 2-3 months prior. Could not go back for same reasons that concern you. Took me awhile to process that but I soon came to peace. I wish you peace also.

[alarimer]

35. Thanks

My grandmother was kind of a tough person to love. I was afraid of her when I was little! I don't think she mellowed much through the years.

[applegrove]

36. Sorry for your loss. Ah grandmothers...the joys of childhood and life.

[alarimer]

37. This is my grandmother a few years ago with her partner, Mike

Mike died earlier this year. I think that took the wind out of her sails, to be quite honest. She had been living with him for about 20 years (I don't think it was living in sin exactly, just that they cared about one another and at least had that in their twilight years). When she was younger (like probably 65 or so!) she played softball and also rode in a hot-air balloon. She went to Italy and met the Pope (the old, now dead Pope). I have a book that she wrote about her life growing up on the farm She had a number of brothers and sister but I think they are all gone now. My cousin digitized a lot of pictures and I will put them in an album on Photobucket to share with the family.

[Maestro]

38. My condolences

It is never easy. She had a long life and that is something to celebrate.

[Zoigal]

40. My sincere sympathy,

Alarimer. Grandmothers are so special, at least mine were. Does your family understand
why it would be difficult for you to attend the funeral? You will always remember her and
that is what counts IMO. p

[bigwillq]

41. I am sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[alarimer]

43. I want to thank everyone for their support

I have decided to go to the funeral which will probably be Friday. My aunt and cousins and I will be driving from Austin, sharing the gas and hotel costs along the way, so no need to fly. I get three days of sick leave for the funeral of a close relative (I think it includes grandparents but I need to check- my boss should let me go regardless). My parents are also driving from where they live.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

44. My thoughts, prayers, condolences and deepest sympathies

:hug: :hug: :hug:

It is never easy to lose a grandparent -I know from experience. Deepest sympathies and condolences once again and my thoughts and prayers are with your family

[GreenPartyVoter]

45. I am so sorry *hugs*

[QMPMom]

46. I am so sorry.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[MnFats]

47. you are NOT obligated to attend the funeral.

funerals are for the living who wish to remember/honor the dead in that way.
for some, it's not the best way to do so.
when my father died my sister came from, umm, a western mountain state. the day of the funeral she was panicking all over.
she finally told me she couldn't handle the funeral, so I said, "then don't go."
she didn't. she got on a bicycle and rode around our little home town to places our dad had taken us as kids. She talked to him at each stop.
it meant more to her than going to a funeral. i might have preferred to go with her but I had to give the eulogy.
as i say, these things are for the living....honor the dead in your own way and don't worry about it.

[alarimer]

49. I have decided to go

We are driving from Texas to Minnesota. If we split the gas 4 ways, it won't be that bad.

[struggle4progress]

48. I'm sorry to hear this.

The only reason to go to a funeral is to support the survivors

[BlueIris]

50. My condolences. Losing a grandparent is hard under most circumstances, I think.

[LibDemAlways]

51. Sincere condolences.

You took the time to visit your grandmother when she was alive and I'm sure that meant the world to her. Cherish the memories you have of better times. She'll live on in those.

[Wapsie B]

52. I am so sorry.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

53. I'm very sorry for your loss

It's never easy to lose a family member, even when it's expected. My deepest sympathies.