it's pretty f'ing sad

[MissMillie]

that someone can live more than 40 years without ever knowing what it's like to have someone love them enough to want to stay with them.




I'm having a bad day.

[huskerlaw]

1. ...

:hug:

:hug:

:hug:

[fizzgig]

2. ...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[skygazer]

3. I'm sorry MissMillie

If its any consolation, it took me until I was in my 40's to find mine - but I did find him. :hug:

[Debi]

4. ...

:hug:

Or to love someone who resents you...:(...that is my burden

[TZ]

5. Its 38 years for me but I understand

I seem to have the same problem. Thats why I have cats and not a spouse, I suppose.

[hyphenate]

22. Yup

I know the feeling. I've started to realize I'm that "crazy cat lady" that we used to whisper about when I was a child.....;)

[SPKrazy]

6. aw man...

:hug:

hang in there Millie

:hug:

[Myrina]

7. ... welcome to the club.

... there's a scene in "Waiting to Exhale" that brings me to my knees, every time.

If you've seen the movie - its where Angela Bassett and Wesley Snipes are in the hotel room
and he's telling her about his wife, and how even though she's dying, he's going to stay
true to her because his love is so strong that he would never, ever want to leave
her, and Angela - going thru a messy divorce - replies "Someone felt that way about me
once, but he stopped."

When I first saw that and realized that nobody has ever felt "that way" about me,
it cut to the bone. :(



:hug:

[MissMillie]

8. yeah... I've seen that

yeah and it does cut

I've been thinking about my family. I have a fundy brother who does not accept the partners of my 3 gay siblings. I just want to shake him. He has no idea what it's like to be alone.

It's a cold, cold world... sometimes your own children don't even treat you like they love you.

When you're lucky enough to find someone to love, and who loves you back... that's everything.

[ikojo]

32. Ms Millie....I'm 44 and have not yet found the one

who thinks I'm "da bomb." I'd like for there to be someone who wakes up in the AM and wonders what I'm doing.

I didn't have dates in high school either.

My other living siblings all married and had kids. Two out of three of my sisters even have very happy marriages where they and their spouses actually do things together and enjoy being with one another. My only living brother also has a happy marriage where he and his wife enjoy doing things together.

Neither I nor my now deceased younger brother found anyone. I sometimes wonder if our inability to connect with people stem from our very tumultuous childhood. I don't know.

I see other large sized women and they have no problem finding men, so that can be the only reason I am alone.

[hfojvt]

37. not the only reason, but, unfortunately, a common one

Alot of them would probably dispute the 'have no problem' statement, and sometimes too, they were not that large before they found somebody. The rest of my family married too, as did all of my cousins, except one.

I think a number of social forces and my own mild Aspergers conspired against me. I'm 45 and a half. I gave it up as a lost cause about three years ago.

[ikojo]

38. Yeah, I'm sure my aspie tendancies has much to

do with my life long single status. I don't do small talk well at all..it's all big talk or none at all.

I am also very uncomfortable in social situations where I don't know someone.

[alarimer]

20. I am in that club too I think

Not sure why exactly except that I just haven't met the right one I suppose. Maybe I am too picky.

[Myrina]

26. there is a horrible article on MSN.com's relationship page

... that says (paraphrasing) if you're female, over 40 and still single, it's not that you're too picky, it's that "there's something wrong with you".

I resent the HELL out of that and really wish there was a place to comment because I look at all the bimbos I knew in high school and college who've been married 2 or more times, or are married to some asshole slug and I think: No, THEY'VE definitely got the problem.

I guess I'd rather be 'picky' and alone than desperate and miserably stuck with some worthless clown.

:shrug:

[alarimer]

28. I hate those kinds of articles

It just perpetuates the myth that it is somehow wrong to be single after a certain age. They used to use the term Old Maid but I guess we have not come that far after all.

Oh well, I try to live my life the way I want to and hopefully the rest will fall into place eventually.

[LynzM]

9. I'm sorry, Miss Millie

Sending lots of hugs your way, and hopes for peace and comfort. :hug:

[Critters2]

10. On September 30, it'll be 49 years for me.

And yes, it is sad.

:hug:

[wildhorses]

11. just once i would like to be first in someone's life

i wonder how that feels.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

12. you just hit the nail on the head

that's EXACTLY how I've been feeling

[hfojvt]

24. first?

I think I'd like to be in the top ten.

First is alot to ask for. I bet it doesn't last. To some degree, children come first in people's lives. The children insist upon it, at least until they hit the age of 11 or so and would rather be left alone, and for at least a while, mom is first in a child's life, but it is not 'first among equals'.

:grouphug:

[wildhorses]

27. both my parents

put my siblings first before me. i was a shotgun baby, so to speak. little mistake, as it were. brother comes along 2 years later, is my father's favorite. brother #2 is mother's favorite. when my parents divorced, dad disowned all us kids and made his spouse #1. mother's boyfriend is #3 after my brothers. both my husbands abused me. every man since then has put his kids first before me. not only am i NOT in anyone's top ten. i doubt anyone knows whether i am alive or cares whether i die. not asking for pity. just stating the facts. it is what it is. :grouphug:

[hfojvt]

29. you went past the facts there

I certainly know you are alive, albeit in an electronic sort of way (like Perky in GD, we could all be replaced by pod people)(edited to add link - because I hope I can make you laugh)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=1530270#1530338

and I certainly would care if you died.

But the last time I did a ranking though, you came in 11th, sorry. :hide:

It's tough to get in my top ten because "me, myself, and I" are #1, #2, and #3. Plus, I've got two dogs and an ex-stepdaughter. Then there's my computer (which is really probably #4), my ipod, my digital camera ...

You should get a dog though - a huge one in case you run into another abusive male. The dog will put you first, sort of. After his food, his leash, every other dog, cat, squirrel, rabbit, skunk, possum, bird, woodchuck, chipmunk, and raccoon he sees. You get to be first because you control the food, the leash and the doorknob.

[wildhorses]

31. i do have 2 cats --- who have promised

to eat me when i die ;)

:rofl:

[hfojvt]

33. cats - bleargh

they don't even have the courtesy to pretend to put you first. Fortunately (I think) my anal-retentive control freak boss would be at my house once I was half an hour late for work, so I could not be dead for more than three days without being missed.

Did you see the link I added above?

I cannot take credit for making you laugh if you are laughing at your own jokes. :P My jokes need to come first here. Think of my poor, starving ego.

[wildhorses]

34. missed it. first time around, multi-taking over here

*chuckle*

:thumbsup:

[Deja Q]

13. 35 years and goin' strong here.

Hang in there. There ARE ways to survive.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

14. of course I'll survive

I've got plenty of practice at independence and self-sufficiency.

survival's not the problem

[Deja Q]

19. Sometimes it's our only choice.

:(

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

15. I know...

:hug:

[supernova]

16. Understand completely

:hug: MissMillie

I wonder if I'll ever find someone to care for me and be devoted to me and our life together.

I had someone once but he didn't love me so much as want to own me, possess me, and control me.

My siblings both have families of their own and although I do see them and love them, it's not the same.

[lost-in-nj]

17. ....

:hug: :hug:



lost

[libodem]

18. sorry you are so blue

but it's probably better than living with someone and still feeling alone and blue. That's what would get to me in the worst way. It's the shits to have someone claim to love you, treat you badly, and leave you feeling abandoned even if they are in the same room. Count yourself lucky you don't have some skeezy fuck messing up your life and making you wish you could be alone. I hope I cheered you up. :)

[hyphenate]

21. I think you should have a certain

satisfaction in that knowledge--some people will never figure it out.

:hug:

I used to feel it, too. At this point, I prefer my cats as company--they love me unconditionally. Of course, that could be because I feed them, but I like to think they'd stick with me nevertheless......

[Fire Walk With Me]

23. Join the club!

Don't blame yourself for others' attitudes. People are highly limited, and are never the solution to inner issues.

Be well.

[no name no slogan]

25. Love eats ass. As does most of humanity

I've completely and utterly given up. I don't care anymore. I'm sick of putting my heart on the line only to have it shredded by some cold-hearted manipulative you-know-what.

I never get back what I put in, so why bother anymore?

[RFKHumphreyObama]

30. Well I'm not 40

But I've never even experienced true love even once in my life, never been in a relationship, never even dated. I know how you feel

[Beaverhausen]

35. Earl and I got together when I was 41

And what happened was, I had to learn to love myself first. It was hard work, but really, no one can love you if you can't love yourself.

Except, of course, I love you! :loveya:

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

36. Here's a hug for ya

:hug: I hope your night is a little brighter being able to share with friends here who listen and can understand.