My newest poem....for my creative writing class:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

The Metaphorical Sea

I drove down by the beach today

The glittering blue, heaving waves

Were billowing onto the shore...


Restless energy and beauty

So rough and lovely

The uneasy surges barely held by the sand...

As they strained to overflowing...


They reminded me of...you


Your life

So chaotic and restless

Your mind, ever roving

Made me think of the sea


Your rough masculinity

The way you say hey baby

Your drive to succeed

Your thirst for life


But most of all

Your energy

As it threatens to overflow you

With only your skin to contain you

The way the sand contains the sea

[Droopy]

1. Based on what I've read from you

I think that is your best poem yet. I love metaphors. Good work, Peggy.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Droopy!

Wow, thank you!

Yes, the assignment was to write something about or to someone, using metaphors and simile...

My best? Wow....

And it's not even dirty, lol!

:hug:

[Droopy]

5. I guess I'm kind of weird for a guy

I don't really go for the pornography.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. I prefer the erotic stuff, myself...

Pornography tends to be a little on the rough side for me...

[fizzgig]

3. excellect work peggy

i love the pictures you painted with this

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear kagehime!

Thanks, sweetie!

I did work on those a bit...

And they work!

Amazing...

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

6. Spot on again, and I love the way you keep writing about me

:rofl:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. My dear Straight Story!

Shhh........sheesh!

You want to blow my cover???

Good grief!



Glad you enjoyed it, sweetie!


:rofl: :rofl:

[wildhorses]

8. those last two lines

are some of the best i have ever read...by anyone ;)

you nailed it with those last 2 lines. excellent work there, my friend.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. My dear wildhorses...

Ah, sweetie...

I'm so glad you like those...

I really felt how good they were when they showed up inside me...

Thank you...

:hug:

[huskerlaw]

10. Oooh, it's lovely!

I'm not a poetry kind of person, but that poem is REALLY good.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My dear huskerlaw!

Thanks!

Maybe we'll make a poetry person out of you yet!

So glad you like it, sweetie...

High praise indeed...

:hug:

[Jade Fox]

12. "heaving waves".....

I like that. Gives me a new perspective on wave action.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear Jade Fox...

Thank you!

This is what every poet or writer tries to do: Take a familiar image, and make it new again...

And those waves were heaving, all right...

It struck me as I looked at them...

I had to write the phrase down so I wouldn't forget it!

:hi:

[UrbScotty]

15. You ought to compile your poems into a book, my dear CaliforniaPeggy!

I'd buy one!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

16. My dear ih8thegop!

That thought has crossed my mind, believe me...

I hope one sweet day to be published....

We shall see...

Thank you for your vote of confidence!

:hug:

[Miss Marmelstein]

17. That is quite a lovely poem CalPeg....

As usual I'm very impressed with your poetic talent!

Mazel tov, Sweetie! :toast:

:bounce: :bounce:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. My dear Miss Marmelstein!

Insomnia has me in its grip tonight!

I am so pleased that my little poem meets with your approval!

Thanks!

:toast:

:bounce: :bounce:

[Bluebear]

18. I need a cigarette after that poem.

And I quit! :hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

20. My dear Bluebear!

Well, sweetie...I'm glad you stopped smoking!

And I gather that my little poem met with your approval...

I thank you!

:hi: back atcha!

[Callalily]

21. I really love

this poem Peggy. Now please tell me where I can find a guy like that!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

26. My dear Simply Fugue!

Oh, I'm so glad, sweetie!

Thank you...

I have no idea where guys like this exist.....but I'm sure they're out there...:hug:

[zabet]

22. This is the first one of your poems..

I have been lucky enough to have the opportunity to read.

You paint beautiful pictures with your words!

:applause: Excellent!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

27. My dear citizen_jane...

I thank you for your very kind words!

There are more of my poems in my Journal, along with lots of other crazy stuff...

I really appreciate what you've had to say here...

:hi:

[VenusRising]

23. Bravo!!!!!

:applause:

Gorgeous poem, Peggy!!!

You're very gifted with words, my friend.

This is your best poem yet.

I can't wait to read more. :bounce:

:hug::loveya::hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

28. My dear VenusRising!

Wow, sweetie!

My best yet?

I hadn't felt that, at all...

Thank you...

Oh, and trust me...there will be more! :bounce:

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[lost-in-nj]

24. Beautiful CP

and I bet we all know someone this describes.....



lost

[CaliforniaPeggy]

29. My dear lost!

Thanks, sweetie...

I hope we all do...

Such people are rare, and amazing at how much they influence our lives...



:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

25. Gorgeous Peggy

You are so talented.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

30. My dear BarenakedLady...

You're going to spoil me with your generous comments!

Thank you...

I really appreciate this...

:hug:

[Cabcere]

31. That is an amazing poem, CaliforniaPeggy!

I love the sea as a metaphor...it seems a bit reminiscent of some of Pete Townshend's work, especially with Quadrophenia, and yet it is so unique and different here. :hug: You are very talented! :hi: Thanks for sharing your talent with us here - I really do feel honored to be able to read this. :thumbsup:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

32. My dear Cabcere!

Well, what can I say, but thank you!

And, sweetie....I am the honored one...

That you should say such lovely things to me...

I love the sea as metaphor as well...

The timing was sure right on for this poem!

:pals:

[LisaM]

33. I like this poem, but I would remove two lines from it

I would remove:

They reminded me....of you

and

But most of all


I think that if you are writing about someone using metaphor or simile, it's stronger if you don't directly say what the metaphor or simile is.

I have one I've written that you might like. I'll PM it to you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

34. My dear LisaM...

I always appreciate constructive criticism and I appreciate yours a lot...

I hadn't thought of that, how the metaphor or simile is stronger if you don't directly say what it is...

Glad you like it nonetheless...

I'll get back to you on yours!

:hi:

[Parche]

35. My Dear CaliforniaPeggy

You are the best...........:hug: :hi:

"Since the first living thing gazed upward through the darkness, Man has seldom been content merely to be born, to endure, and to die. With a curious fervor he has struggled to unlock the mysteries of creation and of the world in which he lives. Sometimes he has won. Sometimes he has lost. And sometimes, in the tumbling torrents of space and time, he has brief glimpses of a world he never even dreams..."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

36. My dear Parche...

I am so glad to see you here today, sweetie...

Someone was asking about you yesterday...

Thank you for your compliments!:hug:

[skygazer]

37. Very nice work, CalPeg

Beautiful word pictures and a nice comparison with good rhythm.

If you don't mind a little constructive criticism, the only thing I'd change is this - "They reminded me of...you". For me, personally, I'd leave out the "..." I see what you're trying to do with it but I think it almost detracts. If you really want a long pause there, maybe put the "you" on the next line?

Just a little thing, though and I may be all wet (like that? ocean poem and I'm "all wet?" :P )

[CaliforniaPeggy]

38. My dear skygazer!

I am always happy to have constructive criticism.....

How else do we learn?

I see what you're saying about the ellipses...

I could have put the "you" on the next line...

I wanted to break up the rhythm a little, and your suggestion would do that!

I'm glad you enjoyed it...

Heheheh...all wet!

Did a wave catch you?

:hi:

[skygazer]

39. Ellipses

Temporary brain fart - could NOT think of the word. :rofl:

:dunce:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

40. Well, hell!

I use them all the time!

I'd better remember what they're called!

:pals:

[BlueIris]

41. Very nice. Continued best of luck with your writing!

:-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

42. My dear BlueIris...

I am honored to have you comment on my poem...

Thank you!

:hug:

[Inchworm]

43. I would love

to be written about in such wonder.

Rawr! first.. then :loveya:

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

44. My dear Inchworm!

I would too, sweetie...

Thank you...

:hug:

[struggle4progress]

45. What happened to all the sharks and hurricanes?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

46. My dear struggle4progress!

What sharks and hurricanes?

I've never written about them!

And....

You didn't say...

Did you like my poem?

:shrug:

[struggle4progress]

47. Honestly I never understand why poems have so many words in them

Thirty some years ago I wanted to be a poet: I read literature constantly and enjoyed it. I stopped reading literature years ago. It's not that I think literature is silly or pointless: I remember it fondly as a worthwhile subject that can yield important insights. But somehow I started to study algebra instead, and it wrecked my literary tastes. Now I have the following hardwired reaction to almost everything I read: I always think it has too many words in it. So I'm really a terrible person to ask about poetry, because I predictably ask everybody exactly the same question, namely, Can't you take out about a third of the words?

But since you asked -- I think the second half of your poem is much more engaging than the first half and evokes an emotional connection to a believable person.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

48. I really appreciate your comments! I mean that...

The poem is the length it is because I was supposed to use metaphor to describe a person...

And I believe I did that...

The person described is a real person...a friend of mine...

Hence the emotional connection...

[Perseid]

49. please, if you love writing and reading poems

kick my thread.

It needs help!