Sweet Jeebus, he just picked a fight because I said I'd like to get myself

[crim son]

into a financial position where I didn't have to worry about paying the electricity bill. I was referring to MY OWN "career" (such as it isn't, but I hope may be, some day). If he wants me to be the happy homemaker then he's going to have to make more than $25K a year to support the two of us and five children.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Just a little venting. I've already blogged it but he reads the damn thing so I can't say what I really think:

On another note entirely: Brenda the Phat Cat went missing last night. At about eleven I suddenly had a thought and went to the basement, opened the locked door to the clothing chute and VOILA! the poor girl gets unsteadily to her feet, blinking at the sudden light. I carried her upstairs and gave her the requisite large meal and she's fine. P.S. She fell straight down from the second floor to the basement. Thank God there was a pile of clothes at the bottom of the thing. It's only about 12 x 18" of space! Poor, poor Brenda!

In her honor:

[IndianaJones]

1. bastard. kick his ass. nt.

[crim son]

5. Are you telling me he's not hungry enough

for me to want him? :P

:hi:

[skygazer]

2. Word from the wise

I don't care how much he makes - I wouldn't care if he were Bill Gates. ALWAYS have your own source of income, enough to support yourself and your family members. NEVER allow yourself to be dependent on someone else. That may sound paranoid to some people here but its always served me very well.

And here - :hug:

[supernova]

3. Word

I agree totally.

[crim son]

4. No, you think exactly as I do.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for sixteen years (less one year working) and now that I'm divorcing my husband I have no job skills and nothing on my resume which could recommend me even to serve burgers at a fast-food restaurant. So I'm going to school where the placement is 100% upon graduation. Fine. I'm dating a wonderful man who has raised his two daughters by hook & by crook, whatever work shows up. He has skills but he doesn't want a "career". Well and good! I already know that which is why if I want health insurance I need to work myself and not rely on him. Suddenly he finds this very threatening. We've also had a discussion about how it unnerves him that I like my dishes to match. He takes that as a sign of my corrupt nature, I suppose.

Sigh. I told myself that I would never again date somebody financially insecure, not because I give a shit but because he so often does. Yet here I am again.

Thanks for the hug!!!!

[Zookeeper]

6. I thought he was a Repub?

He's supposed to be the one who wants the dishes to match. :P

:hi:

[crim son]

8. No kidding!

I honestly don't believe he knows what it means, these days, to be a repub. For him it's a matter of doing what his father did, and his father's father.

The only thing that matches in his house are the twenty-four plastic disney glasses in the kitchen. :P Me, I have seven sets of dishes. I LOVE DISHES!

[Pierre.Suave]

7. Crim Son

The truly great men, men that will love you the way you deserve to be loved, actually admire a woman, respect her, and enjoy, finding a woman that is able to take care of herself.

That is one of the qualities I like so much about my gf. I know she does not NEED me to support her because she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Personally, I think EVERYBODY should be taking care of themselves BEFORE they find someone else.

Anyone that stresses out about you supporting yourself, wanting healthcare, and wanting matching dishes, sounds like a loon, to be honest.

[crim son]

9. He's afraid.

If you knew him you'd see it makes perfect sense. The problem is that he is blissfully unaware of his own issues and deeply resents their being exposed. I'll say something like, "You look upset." He'll responnd, "That's enough analysis for the night, thank you!" It's his one huge are of weakness and it may be our undoing. Maybe not though, because he is very proactive about "improving" our relationship. I just wonder... is there enough time left? I mean, he's 52! :P

[Pierre.Suave]

10. How republican of him

seriously.

It would be the undoing of any relationship I had with someone.

[crim son]

14. Heh. You're right - that is a republican trait.

No fucking insight into himself. It really makes me wonder about myself, though. If he is that numb, maybe I am too. Scares the crap out of me, you know?

[Pierre.Suave]

25. I understand why you would think that, but...

here is my take on this situation.

You have known this guy for how long? Been dating for how long? This is the learning process, not every girl I ever dated turned into a long term thing, I learned, I moved on until I found what fit.

That is what dating is about, expecting them all to work out is a bit silly I guess.

this isn't about whats wrong with you, this is about you learning what works with you, and what you want.

[skygazer]

11. Oh, brother

Forgive me, my dear - I like you very much and know you're a smart woman. BUT...

Do you really need to deal with some guy who is so insecure that he requires constant care? Don't you kind of have enough on your plate without defending his stupid and unjustified fears? I realize everyone gets to a certain age and has baggage but I don't accept that they have to dump that baggage in the lap of people who have nothing to do with it being there. I will no more punish my current SO for my ex-husband's behavior than I will accept him doing the same to me.

I think I'd be treading very lightly myself and I hope this guy doesn't drag you down somewhere you don't deserve to go. :hug:

[crim son]

13. Sigh. You're right.

I was literally saying to myself just now that I can't be with another man who expects me to do all the understanding and make all the concessions. I can't do it. 50/50, that's what I want.

I'm doomed to solitude and you know what? It doesn't sound that bad right now.

[Omphaloskepsis]

29. Isn't this relationship fresh..?

To have these doubts so early on can't be a good indicator of where things are going.

And my duck is lonely.. She tolerates the chickens but they don't hang out..

[crim son]

31. 6 1/2 months.

And... that pic is both sad and cute. Are you guys thinking about getting her a new friend? Ya gotta put down the duckie if you want to play the saxophone. IMHO. :P

[Omphaloskepsis]

43. Yeah, we want to get her a buddy, but they are really hard to find.

I was getting drunk at Alton Baker the other night and was tempted to try and capture one of the ones that hang out there. The Mill Race has tons of ducks too. I doubt any of them would want to live in my backyard so it might be best to not steal a wild duck.

[crim son]

56. Wow, the Mill Race.

I haven't thought of that in years! Yeah, there are ducks there. If you steal one, his/her entire extended family would probably follow and the next thing you know you're burning duck poop to heat your home. :P

[IndianaJones]

20. deaths around the corner...or ED. kick his ass and get on down the road. nt.

[crim son]

32. I'm familiar with ED.

Fortunately, he isn't. :P

[IndianaJones]

37. you know I'm right. Kick him to the curb. nt.

[crim son]

41. Well, I did,

but he called six times and I didn't answer. Then he drove over here and went to the back door and tried to talk to me as I was working in the kitchen. Then he went to the front door and tried to talk through the mail chute. I can't dump a man who is trying to make up through the mail chute. It just isn't possible.

[IndianaJones]

44. then tell him how its gonna be and if he doesn't like it he can lump it.

then kick his ass. and tell us about it.

[crim son]

52. Living vicariously?

I can help! :7

[IndianaJones]

64. You know we'll have this exchange again.

You've lost that hunger and you're settling. The appetite will come back...its all just empty calories now.

What the hell does that mean? I have no idea.

[crim son]

68. That's what makes you so special.

:P

[Pierre.Suave]

23. by improve...

does he mean, change you to fit his ways? or change himself?

[crim son]

34. Change himself.

He's been alone for so long while I've been in a shitty marriage for so long, it causes problems. For example, when we were arguing just now he said that he was leaving for good, and picked up his shoes to go. Based on my marriage, I thought he was going to throw one at me and I cringed. Stupid Lisa - not every man demonstrates his anger physically. But I know how to handle that... it's the insane angry arguments that I can't handle.

It's already resolved. Sigh.

[Pierre.Suave]

59. Wow Lisa

I dont know what to say, except you dont deserve this kind of thing.

:hug:

[crim son]

61. I agree.

On the upside, I just got an email from him entitled "Bush is a Brainless Asshole."

He isn't all bad, you know.

[Pierre.Suave]

65. that e-mail aside

I disagree. he sounds like all sorts of bad news.

[crim son]

69. The good news is that if you are right, you know

you'll hear about it, because I tend to let it all hang out.

I don't disregard your opinion; don't think that.

[Pierre.Suave]

70. I know that

and please know that none of my comments are meant in a hurtful way at all.

[crim son]

74. I do know it.

I'm always sharing the terrible but make no mention of the wonderful. There is infinitely more wonderful than terrible; he's an amazing guy, otherwise he'd be long gone.

[bicentennial_baby]

66. Hey, that's not stupid...

It takes time to get past the cringing response to potential violence...I've been there. I hope you can let him know that he needs to be aware of that aspect.

:hug:

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

27. Dump him!

You don't want to be with someone who won't support your goals and dreams....... :shrug: am I right or what? :)

[mzteris]

26. ain't that just the f'ing truth.

going through this sh*t right now.

Stuck - between a rock and a hard place.

I'm try to patient and as smart as I can about it.

Though some days I'm nearly paralyzed with fear (lotsa reasons there).

[Tyler Durden]

12. Deborah tells ME what to do and what to spend on.

Personally, I have enough to worry about. I LIKE it this way. Be nice if she could cook though: she could LIVE on boiled broccoli, which leaves me driving the stove all seven.

[crim son]

15. I can cook!

Basically, I totally rock. My big weakness right now is the desire to choose my own path and expecting friends and lovers to be supportive and not threatened, or negative or disapproving. Christ, the man drives a cab all winter. And he's afraid I might get a real job? What the hell?

[Tyler Durden]

16. Insecurity sucks. Makes me greatful for Anxiety Attacks.

At least a little CELEXA helps me out on that one.

We can choose our companions I guess, but not their neuroses.

[crim son]

36. I used to have panic attacks too.

Even though I knew exactly what it was the first time it happened it still scared the heck out of me. :hug:

[IdaBriggs]

81. I know nothing about the details, but this does not sound like a healthy

relationship. He doesn't want you to become financially secure (what happens if he dies? does he have you "taken care of" -- on $25K a year, the odds of him being able to take care of HIMSELF in the event of disaster are pretty slim), he's a Republican by "habit", and he doesn't like "analysis" which means the constant WORK of being in a relationship is going to bring you both down because he isn't used to it/doesn't like doing it .... ?

If you are still together by Valentine's Day, I'll be surprised. Frankly, I think you can do MUCH better!!!

[AlCzervik]

17. It sounds like he needs you to need him.

you earning has nothing to do with him and hopefully he'll figure that out.

[crim son]

38. That is right.

And his marriage ended because his wife left him for somebody with money... but she left during the marriage, if you know what I mean. On the other hand, my husband's father called me a "spoiled brat" and "princess" (said with a sneer) in the years before he died, so I am sensitive about the fact that I am used to being comfortable. Not wealthy: comfortable. We're working on it.

[AlCzervik]

40. good for you, you're bettering your own life and ultimately you and your

kids will be better off for so many reasons.

[KG]

18. when you're ready for a REAL man,

ring me up, sweet-cheeks! :hi:

[crim son]

39. Laughing.

I'll bear that in mind, KG!

Okay. I'm ready! :7

[leftofthedial]

19. is this the repuke?

[crim son]

42. Yes.

My father is a repuke, too. Maybe I'm looking for dear ol' dad!

[Guava Jelly]

21. Are you ready for a torrid affair yet?

:evilgrin:
I'm sorry Crimmy.
I am glad your kitty is fine.
Looks like you guys have a lot of talking to do.
I hope always the best for you my friend
:hug:

[crim son]

33. We've already talked and resolved.

This is the shortest fight in the history of our relationship but also the loudest. I'll take that affair anyway :evilgrin:

[Guava Jelly]

54. yes!!

Woohoo!!!!! :D :party:
:loveya:

[crim son]

57. Bwahahahahahahah!

What have you done for me Lately? :P

[Guava Jelly]

58. I pm'd you my but

:D

[crim son]

60. You bet you did!

*sigh*
:D

[Guava Jelly]

62. ..

:hide:

[fizzgig]

22. i'm glad brenda is ok

give her some snuggles for me

as for d....all i've got for you is :hug:

[crim son]

45. I'm fine now. Thanks for the hug!

Poor Brenda, she is so grateful for the rescue! She's never been as loving. I wonder what, if any, thoughts went through her head as she sat in that dark box overnight. :rofl: I know, it isn't funny. :rofl:

[BarenakedLady]

24. I say this as your friend

You know I care about you and I have no ulterior motives for saying this; this guy is not the one for you. There is too much drama here and you definitely do not need that. You deserve a whole lot more.

Just my .02.

:hug:

[crim son]

47. Well, you may very well be right.

It is probably hard for me to accurately gauge my own feelings these days. And BNL, I always appreciate your thoughts. :loveya: :hug:

[ThomCat]

28. Poor Kittie!

:hug:
I am glad she's okay.

As for the other issue, take care of yourself first. Don't depend on him or anyone else. Be good to yourself. :hug:

[crim son]

48. She's great!

Thanks Thom, that's what I'm doing. I will reward myself for my kindness and understanding by getting myself a meal from the Indian restaurant downtown. :P No, really, that's what I'm going to do.

[ThomCat]

50. That's wonderful!

Enjoy a good samosa for me. :)

I'm having dinner with my nephew tonight to catch up on everything that's happening in his life. If I survive today at work.

[crim son]

53. Don't talk to me about work.

Kidding!

Hang in there and enjoy your dinner. Samosa... hmmmm... I wonder what time the place opens...

[Starbucks Anarchist]

73. "Indian restaurant."

:evilgrin:

[crim son]

75. Sure, but when I think about you I think about

beef and cheese :hi: :D

[Starbucks Anarchist]

78. *Spicy* beef and cheese.

;)

[crim son]

83. Ve-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-y Spicy!!!

:loveya:

[redqueen]

30. Ugh... good luck.

I don't know what else to tell you...

except the ONE time I made a thread like this I got called out for bitching here about it... so... that's the last time I do that!

Hope things get better. :hug:

[crim son]

49. Eh, I'm sorry about that.

I think I am good at listening to people's responses without letting them get to me in a negative way, but sometimes I fail. I hope I didn't fail you. :hug: :hug:

[redqueen]

63. Er, no...

but you sure confused me! :P

[crim son]

67. Why am I not surprised?

I'm not doing very well expressing myself today!

[GalleryGod]

35. Hey, Crim !

So I come back from AC after winning 2 large at Roulette and attending the N.J. State Democratic Convention :meeting Senator Hillary and some other luminaries...drinkin' till dawn with the "Obama Gang" and ...what do I Spy as the first post you, Crim, are STILL havin' men problems!

25K????????:puke: My stepdaughter is out of Rutgers on May 19th and is making 41K to start as an Environmental Specialist !

Oh,well.........sorry,kid...shoulda come to AC:smoke:

[redqueen]

46. C'mon now...

low-wage jobs are still jobs.

I won't do a pukey smiley just cause someone doesn't make a huge salary cause they got a nice education... now if you want to tie that puke to his desire to have a stay at home partner on that salary, that's another thing. But the wage itself is nothing to puke about.

[crim son]

55. GG means no harm.

At least, no bodily harm. :evilgrin:

[GalleryGod]

84. I love it when you discuss blunt force trauma,you Sexy Thang!

Love 'Ya, Babydoll!:loveya:

[GalleryGod]

85. Stand down, your majesty.

Crim + I are cyber confidants.:pals:

[redqueen]

86. Heh... sorry!

I get all uppity about stigmas against low-wage laborers. Manual labor is honest work. :)

[crim son]

51. You have a way of putting things in perspective!

Heh. The average salary in Maine is something like $24K/year: it's pathetic. However I've lived both with and without money and not noticed a difference in terms of happiness.

Hey! Give me some credit: at least it's the same man! :P :hi: :hug:

[Brigid]

71. Guys like that . . .

are why I never got married. Lucky me.

Glad Brenda is OK, BTW.

[crim son]

77. I did get married.

I tend to agree with you.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

72. Jeebus, you are more in need of a hug than ...

So here's a little something instead ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqeaHaxYSIw

:hug:

[crim son]

76. That is the CUTEST THING!!!

Thank you, thank you! :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Hugin]

79. ...

:hug:

[mitchum]

80. Why would anyone making $25K a year be a republican? You need to find a smarter man

[Connonym]

82. No kidding

poor republicans are a special kind of dumb imho (sorry Crim Son, love ya but that's wack)

[libodem]

87. Hope things get better with your fella

He must be feeling insecure, with your desire to support yourself. Somehow he makes it all about him and his ability to provide for you. Hard to straighten out the communication sometimes, huh. What is actually said, what is meant and how it is taken, can all be mixed up. Anyway what I wanted to say is nice kitty. I have a black kitty who is 16 and lives in my room. Yours looks a little chubbier. I almost lost my, Mooner Mow, during my move in 2002. I had to take her to the BF's house with me until I could take possession of my townhouse. He tried to take her outside on a leash. She was out of it in 2 seconds and over a fence. We called and looked and called and looked. It took about 3 days for me to hear her meowing in another yard and to call her to me. I was SO relieved. Glad you have your kitty. Hope your significant other can learn to communicate better in the future. If not dump him. The BF of which I have spoken was a Repuke. We got along as long as I kept my mouth shut while he taunted me with Dem stereotypes in his condescending smarmy manner; pretending it was a 'joke'. Ewwwhhh god, don't get me started. I'm so glad I jumped out!!!!!!!!

[The Traveler]

88. Free fall cat

Whew! Glad she's OK. Maybe she needs the protection and companionship only a Great Dane puppy can provide ... :)