Bait and Switch (reading the withholding sex threads)

[pokerfan]

I was going to post about a friend of mine who got married only to find out his wife hated sex. Much to his surprise as they had been having regular sex for a year before the marriage. After the marriage, nothing. After ten years they split.


Anyway, when I was with the Mountaineers, a doctor friend of mine met a woman in the club. They hiked, canoed, climbed together and even got married on top of a mountain. A few months after the wedding day they sat down to plan a vacation. He wanted to go trekking in Nepal. She wanted to go on a cruise and told him that she didn't really care for all that outdoors stuff. He was flabbergasted and asked her why she joined the club in the first place. She said that she wanted to meet someone. They lasted five years, no children.

Why would someone pretend to be soemone they are not just to get married? Especially in this day and age when marriages are fairly easy to end?

I don't get it.

[WildEyedLiberal]

1. A relationship built on a lie is like a house built on sand

It's going to crumble eventually. It's sad but some people are so lonely that they're willing to say anything to find a mate, but then when it comes to actually living with that mate, things fall apart because the partner who lied wrongly assumes that, once married, the other partner will have already invested enough time in the relationship to just forget about it.

[KG]

2. something like that happened to me last year.

not sure where that psycho-chick got the idea i had money or was making money that could support us both, but when we moved in together and she realized she was going to have to work and contribute financially to the relationship, suddenly she wanted out in the worst way.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

5. I can't shake the feeling that being a plain prostitute is more honorable than that. -nt

[supernova]

3. That's a person who isn't comfortable in their own skin

They don't think they are lovable the way they are, with their interests, so they pretend to be interested in the same subjects as their object of desire.

You're better off if they leave you, though it hurts, that spend time with someone who'd rather fake it than show you their real self.

[wildhorses]

4. thank you for this insightful and honest post about the underlying

problem that leads to the manifestation of the scenario. bravo :applause:

[skygazer]

6. I think people like that don't really think about the afterward

It's just the goal that they think about. At least, that's the only explanation I've been able to come up with because I've pondered this, too.

Really, a classic example was Princess Diana who enthusiastically went hiking and did outdoorsy stuff and evinced an interest in horseback riding prior to her marriage and then admitted she hated all that stuff once she was hitched.

Never seemed a good way of starting a relationship to me.

[wildhorses]

7. so basically ----

the one 'raped' that person of 10 years of a life that he can never get back. and the other one
'raped' the person of five years of their life. :yoiks:

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. Rape?

That comparison is disgusting. Sometimes people lie and sometimes they change. Break up with them or learn about what you actually do have in common.

You seem to think that a relationship is a legal contract that obligates people to do the same things forever. The fact that someone else does not want to do the same things as you (even if they lie) does not mean that they've raped you.

[wildhorses]

11. i knew that would get you

:rofl:

[Fran Kubelik]

12. Is this some kind silly inside joke?

I totally don't get it.

[wildhorses]

15. yeah, kinda.

slightly sick and sorta twisted. that is all i care to say in open forum. contrary to popular belief my life is NOT an open book for this forum. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. both these things are insane sounding. i am not doubting you but i dont understand why people do tha

[pokerfan]

14. The guy in the sexless marriage

just toughed it out as long as he could. He says he never cheated but I don't know.

The other guy, the doctor mountain climber, they just wound up taking separate vacations and drifted apart.

Of course it's unrealistic to expect complete and total compatibility. For one thing, people change so there must be some give and take. But to lie and misrepresent yourself through the entire courtship seems a little whacked.

These were just two stories from a couple of male friends. I'm sure that there are similar stories from the other side of the aisle. Maybe a guy that misrepresented his wealth or the case of my neighbors: she didn't find out until after they were married that he was a total alcoholic, he was that good at hiding it. She toughed it out for a long time but he didn't want to get help and when things began to get violent she split.

[Callalily]

10. It clearly baffles

me why someone would be so dishonest, so deceitful just to be in a relationship. Common sense says it won't last, and yes, time is wasted for both involved.

I would rather not be in a relationship at all than to be in a poor, deceitful one.

Upon further reflection, I'm adding that such conduct is not only dishonest, but cruel too.

[TreasonousBastard]

13. Who the hell EVER expects any...

relationship to be based on rationality or even common sense. No fun there at all.

Te good old days when our parents arranged a marriage with someone they knew to be suitable worked just fine. They did know better.

And, on those rare occasions when they blew it, it was perfectly acceptable to go out and get someone on the side and keep up appearances.

Left completely to ourselves, we screw it up every time.

[NC_Nurse]

16. I think sometimes people try to be something they aren't and

then realize they can't do it forever. The guys in those relationships may have made assumptions based on what they were hoping for.
Who EVER understands other peoples' relationships? You have to be in it to know the real truth.