Stupid shit white people do in horror movies

[MrScorpio]

- Not leave a haunted house

- Fuck each other outside, in plain view of a serial killer

- Fuck with blood-thirsty sharks

- When running away from a monster, fall flat on their faces

- Not believe the hysterical teenage girlfriend, who just saw her boyfriend get shredded, and tells her to "Calm down". Meanwhile, the monster is just outside the door.

- Investigate dark basements, closets, attics, houses, caves, lakes, holes, alleys, dungeons or anything else, that when you look into it, creepy music starts.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

1. Yet it's always the black guy that gets killed first.

Ain't that some shit?

[MrScorpio]

3. That happens and yet the rest still follow behind

Like lemmings

[HEyHEY]

57. Well, it's how the music industry works.

[Zuiderelle]

2. I think stupid shit like that transcends race.

[mark414]

30. maybe, though the black folks in the movie never have time to do dumb shit

cause they die right away

also, this thread is a joke, created for our amusement

[Zuiderelle]

48. I guess I haven't seen enough horror movies to know that.

So, thanks :)

[sasquatch]

4. My Horror movie Pet Peeve is when they run upstairs

X(

[MrScorpio]

5. That's a good one

Like running outside is so wrong?

[Dr. Strange]

6. Dude, if you run outside,

you'll trip over the outside fuckers! Think, man!

[sasquatch]

17. I know "Let's lock myself in this upstairs closet w/no phone or window"

"Boy this is gonna be completely safe."
:eyes:

[JTG of the PRB]

52. It works against zombies.

Get up the stairs, destroy the stairs, and you're safe. Zombies cannot think creatively or use a ladder. I learned it in the fabulous book, "The Zombie Survival Guide." I am now ready to survive a zombie attack.

[Ellen Forradalom]

61. ZombieNixon and Zomby Woof?

[flvegan]

7. I hate that even though most "victims" are young and can run/jump like Bruce Jenner

they can't get away from a slow, plodding lunatic. I'm referring of course to the Friday the 13th and Halloween-esque slasher flicks.

[MrScorpio]

9. Which why the new Dawn of the Dead was a breath of fresh air

Those zombies knew how to run... fast

[flvegan]

15. Along the same lines, I LOVED "28 Days Later"

Those undead mofos could MOVE!

[MrScorpio]

18. Another good one...

Which is why I bought the DVD

[Taverner]

37. I'm sorry, the remake shouldn't share the title with the Romero masterpiece

Romero's movies are never really about what they are about. NOTLD was about racism. Dawn was about consumerism and our amusing ourselves to death. Day was about the threat of armed fascism. LOTD was about the War on Terror. Martin was about addiction.

The remake of Dawn was all about the stars from Dawson's Creek whining and getting eaten.

Romero is the master.

[redqueen]

8. Hehehehe.... "She was only 5 years old!

They couldn't have been too attached to her!"

:rofl:

[MrScorpio]

11. That's a good one!

[idgiehkt]

10. a classic from Overheard in New York:

During trailer for horror movie where young girl peeks in door of creepy house and says, 'Hello?'...

Thugette: Why they be goin' into some abandoned-ass house like that?
Thug: 'Cause they white.

--Court Street cineplex, Brooklyn

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/010896.html

[MrScorpio]

13. My point exactly

Thank you

[Critters2]

55. LOL!!! That would explain it. nt

[NewJeffCT]

12. Not only do they investigate dark basements, closets, attics, & houses

They mysteriously never seem to turn the lights on when they think there is someone (or something) in the house.

[Crazy Dave]

14. Dunno

I always like when the foxy babe who's been scared shitless for the entire movie finally gets pissed and tough enough to kill the bad guy. Twice because she thinks she killed him the first time but when she's not looking he attacks her again.

Same plot for different named movies

[MrScorpio]

16. Bingo!

Never "kill" the bad guy just ONCE.

Pop fifty more caps in his ass... THEN LEAVE THE ROOM!

You can cry about it later

[Lance_Boyle]

19. They learned it by watching Scooby Doo.

"Hey gang, let's split up and search for clues/the monster." If I wrote Scooby Doo, it would've been a lot more dull. "Hey gang, let's stay right the fuck here, in a circular arrangement, facing outward, with weapons at the ready." Or, even better, "hey gang, let's call the cops and let them handle it. Who wants a beer?"

[TommyO]

20. Thank you, Eddie Murphy!

[MrScorpio]

23. You caught the ref correctly!

You've earned an ice cream cone!



Don't drop it!

[idgiehkt]

25. nuh-uh

you don't get no ice cream...cause you're on the welfare...and your daddy's an alcoholic...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[TommyO]

26. I'm surprised it took as long as it did.

[MrScorpio]

27. Me too

What pissed me off is that I couldn't find the skit on YouTube

I could have added the clue

[redqueen]

31. Hey!

x(

[Crazy Dave]

33. Actually it was Richard Pryor who once said....

If the Exorcist happened to a black family the father would have said, "Bitch!...You get that cross out your pussy and get downstairs and help your mother with supper!"

[jobycom]

41. I thought I was being polite by not calling you on it.

:shrug: Didn't know there was ice cream involved. How about a Slinky?

[Pushed To The Left]

44. If it's Eddie Murphy, shouldn't you be giving her a "houseburger"?

"We got McDonnos, you didn't get none, we got McDonnos"

[TheMightyFavog]

21. After enduring attack after attack by enraged birds...

Making your escape using small British-made ragtop sports car instead of the pickup truck parked RIGHT NEXT TO THE DAMN CAR!

[datasuspect]

22. cf. richard pryor's bit about the exorcist

won't post link here because all the hand wringing net nannies might get their panties in a twist.

[ghostsofgiants]

65. All the more reason to post it!

[CGowen]

24. - forget about going into safety before sunset n/t

[stuntcat]

28. usually calling the cops would help

or just turning on all the lights

*creepy music*

[Richard Steele]

29. "Ok, let's SPLIT UP and search dark creepy places SEPERATELY."

Dumbasses.

[TK421]

32. Say "I'll be right back" when you damn well know they won't

I think that was a line from Scream?

[qdemn7]

34. Why is it...

That it's always white people getting slaughtered in these slasher flicks? Don't people of color fuck? And smoke dope? And drink? I mean c'mon here, fair's fair. :beer:

[TK421]

38. People of color always seem to be getting screwed in most slasher flicks...

but I take it by the smiley that you are drunk..welcome aboard! :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast:

[Taverner]

35. Stay on the phone when they are talking to "THE KILLER"

Having sex when they know they are about to be killed...although if you're gonna go, might as well go out fuckin'

[BlueIris]

36. Get found *alone* in a room with one or more of the victims.

Assuming, I guess, that White Privilege is going to protect them from being mistaken for the slasher/murderer/monster.

[Fire Walk With Me]

39. If they'd just notice the creepy music, they could all have run away.

But no, ignore the music, go down the stairs... :cry:

[ironflange]

40. I'm just watching "The Birds"

It wasn't too bright of her to go into that upstairs bedroom. The gas station guy was kind of careless, too.

[qdemn7]

45. The Birds

Scared the living crap out of me when I first saw it on TV 40 years ago. I had nightmares for about a week. :cry:

[Lars39]

53. Me, too. I won't *ever* watch it again.

:scared:

[texanwitch]

58. I have seen The Birds a few hundred times I will never understand why

after everything was quiet why did that silly woman go into that room.

She would have been safe downstairs.

[baldguy]

42. Their problem is

They don't read ahead in the script.

[Skittles]

43. women trying to run in high heels

instead of:

wearing normal heels so they can run or using those damn stilettos as a WEAPON

[zanne]

46. They NEVER turn on the lights!

They'll use a flashlight instead, or a cigarette lighter.

[Sugar Smack]

47. "What?" (answering phone) "There's someone in my house?"

"He's stalking me? What do you mean, he's in my closet? He's HERE? I don't know what you're talking about!"

THAT, dear baby. Aw, Geeze.

[MadMaddie]

49. All of you are cracking me up....

I did see the new Halloween....

Who puts a steel fork on a tray in the psyco ward...just askin?:banghead:

[Dangerously Amused]

50. Um... dance?

Wait. That could be any movie. Nevermind.

[TimeChaser]

51. I got a book called "How to Survive in a Horror Movie" over the summer

It includes helpful hints on how to survive a night of babysitting, how to convince skeptical local authorities, and how to tell if you've been dead for the entire movie.

:rofl:

[begin_within]

54. Call someone the n-word, when that person's not actually dead yet?

[NOLALady]

56. Pet Peeve...

Caller: Get out of the house NOW!!!!!

Answerer: Why?

[jgraz]

59. Yell at the screen

Oh wait... :evilgrin:

[Ellen Forradalom]

60. Knock on the front door of a castle in the pouring rain

[SeattleGirl]

62. Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

:woohoo: :woohoo:

[alphafemale]

63. "If the HOUSE, itself, tells you to 'GET OUT!'"

Get the fuck out. :rofl:

I also loved the routines where Eddie claimed his aunt was a Bigfoot.

[Fire Walk With Me]

64. Do you know what a horror film starring all blacks would be like?

Five minutes of them getting into a situation/location with danger. They sense the danger and leave.

Know what the next 85 minutes is? Watching them party. A film can't be two things ;-)

And that reminds me of that story in "Armature", from olyoptics.com. Armature finds a house in the hills. Enters, and encounters the glass demon (IIRC). He is chased and flees. Much else happens, and at the end of the book, the last panel is the demon looking out the window, mumbling, "He'll be back." :7