Loneliness

[Droopy]

Ever look forward to going to work so that you would have the company of your co-workers? Have you ever gone to a restaurant to eat instead of eating at home so that you would be around people? That probably sounds pathetic, but it's the situation I'm in now. I have such a hard time meeting new people and making new friends that I've ended up leading a somewhat solitary lifestyle. I've tried looking into social groups around where I live, but I haven't found anything that will fit into my schedule. I work from 4pm to 2am. I tried starting a social group with an ad on craigslist, but nothing has come of it.

How do you deal with loneliness aside from prostitutes and dope? :)

[lost-in-nj]

1. I don't use prostitutes or dope

but I do eat out alot
I come here and vent and talk
have made friends....
Hope you can open up and meet people
I have learned it is so much better with friends.....
but, yes, i'm still lonely......

:hi: :hug:

lost

[Parche]

50. I like to make friends with dictators Stalin

I dont use prostitutes you dope


I like my time sometimes just to relax, but other times with people...........:hi:



:hi:

found people

[Deja Q]

2. Photography and ignoring peoples' heckling, writing, watching movies.

Mind you, my handicap isn't in relation to my working hours... :)

[Droopy]

4. I didn't know that you wrote

You will have to share some of your stuff with us.

[mzteris]

3. volunteer?

There are plenty of places that could use your help for a few hours here and there.

Or maybe - take a class that fits your schedule.

I went for a walk today on a busy "retail street" just to have people around me. The boys were with their dad pretty much all weekend. I walked for about an hour, browsing, etc. and realized when I got back into my car I hadn't spoken to anyone at all - nor been spoken to. Sometimes I feel invisible.

[Cabcere]

5. Rock & roll, baby.

:headbang: (Well, you mentioned sex and drugs, so...) :P

Seriously, though...I'm not the best person to ask about this, as I have a tendency to be kind of a loner at times too. And I actually do (try to) drown my loneliness (and various other negative emotions) in music. Works sometimes. :shrug: I wish you well, my friend!

[SPKrazy]

6. I'm pretty lonely d00d

I look forward to the company of coworkers

i tend to hide more than go places to eat

i have a regular schedule, but i'm really a pretty shy guy

i'm also totally out of my comfort zone and trying to adjust to that

hope it gets better

prostitutes and dope aren't the answer though

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

7. don't you have friends you can talk to??

I do....
you to Droopy????

we need someone to talk to......

:hug:

lost

[SPKrazy]

9. i do

but not so many

i've not ever found my "niche" in this town

yeah i have friends

i talk to them some, I'm still lonely---

i have one really good friend that I talk to on the phone

:hug:

[Droopy]

10. I have one friend

And he can't ever get out and do anything because he is very ill. Years of working in trucking has pretty much erased my social life.

[Danger Mouse]

8. Become bitterly misanthropic to the point where you loathe the company of humans.

I haven't quite succeeded at it yet. :cry:

[rug]

11. I reread Rabrrrrr's posts.

[Mutley]

12. I try to hang out with friends and family.

Go out to eat or to the movies or something.

[hfojvt]

13. I usually goto DU

cyber people are so much cooler than real people. They rarely steal your DVDs or criticize your housekeeping.

Or there's always church and my service club. I have Sunday-friends there. For an hour a week, we pretend to care about each other. Thinking about that, though, I should spend more time at the club's blog.

But my co-workers? Bleah. Perhaps you could try a move-on meetup at www.moveon.org (I think). A restaurant would probably make me more lonely because everyone else has friends and family and there I am - table for one.

[skygazer]

14. I have a tough time making real friends

I mean, friends to actually do stuff with or talk to on the phone. I have a lot of casual friends but I only see them at work or school and it never seems to reach the point of becoming something beyond that.

For the most part, it doesn't really bug me because I am pretty much of a loner but sometimes it does and I wonder how it was so easy when I was a kid and why it's so hard now that I'm 46 years old.

I don't know the answer, Droopy, but it sucks to be lonely. :hug:

[Fox Mulder]

15. I'd rather be lonely than have the company of my coworkers.

And I'm probably the loneliest person out there. I have no friends. None. I spend all my free time in my house doing solitary things, like reading and playing video games.

How do I deal with the loneliness? I drink. A lot.

:(

[Droopy]

17. Booze makes things worse for me

I used to drink quite a bit, too.

[BrklynLiberal]

16. Try checking out the local meetup groups. Maybe something there will be good for you.

Can be by topic, or city...many options.

http://www.meetup.com/topics/

[Wapsie B]

18. I feel the same way.

It just hit me bad today. There's been beautiful weather here this weekend and just was wishing there was someone to enjoy it with. The feeling passes after awhile though and I just suppress it. I do like to go to lakes in the area. There's usually people around. I don't do bars at all. But there's a casino nearby where I sometimes go to be around people. Sometimes I just go window-shopping.
I am looking for a new church and have found the UU church in the area to be to my liking. And I'm wanting to do some kind of volunteer work.

[Digit]

19. Ah, that is probably why I like to stay at work, also.

Everyone seems to be married around here and much younger.
The last so called friend I met had an annoying habit of calling me at odd hours drunk out of her mind and repeating herself for four hours. Oh, and when I say "habit", I do mean that literally.

You have some tough hours to work in a social schedule. Maybe some others might have an idea.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. I volunteer, take an exercise class at the gym, sing in a church choir

When I can afford it, I take classes. All of these have led to friendships.

Figure out what you're interested in and go do it.

[BlooInBloo]

21. There are ways other than prostitutes and dope? Get OUT! :)

EDIT: More helpfully, I've had friends of mine report success with various interest groups (books, cooking, happy hour, etc.) to be found on craigslist, yelp, and the like. You may want to look into something like that.

[Droopy]

24. LOL!

Yeah, I've been to craigslist and either can't find something that will fit my schedule or end up getting no response. I guess it couldn't hurt to try again. Maybe I could put "FREE BEER AND PIZZA!" in my ad.

[BlooInBloo]

28. :) Good luck!

[Bjornsdotter]

22. Yes

...and I come to DU. There are always people here who care, whether it's a problem or I just can't sleep.

There are many here I consider friends.

:hug:

[alarimer]

23. I don't know

It's an ongoing problem with me. I am not social at all, have very few social skills to speak of. I guess I am you standard-issue introvert, which makes it hard to meet people to date, for example. They are always telling me I am too quiet, too reserved. Just once I'd like to meet someone who likes me the way I am. But that's a rant for another thread I think.

I don't look forward to work because I do not like my job and MY coworkers are extremely annoying. So if I could avoid going to work I probably would, no matter the loneliness I might feel.

Working nights must make it even more difficult.

[philosophie_en_rose]

25. I'm around so many people all day, I can't wait to be alone.

But, if I'm home and lonely, I'll post on DU or IM people.

[Droopy]

26. DU helps, but it's not the same for me

as hanging out with people in person.

[philosophie_en_rose]

27. If you weren't in Ohio, I'd invite you over.

There are always groups of people at my condo.

[Roon]

47. My ex-foster daughter is driven crazy by her friends

and co-workers, and her girlfriend. She LOVES to be alone....

[otherlander]

29. That doesn't sound pathetic.

This summer I was looking forward to school starting just so that I'd be around people more. But then after a few days I remembered why I had been looking forward to summer so much... namely that these people are fucking crazy and remind me of nothing so much as a bunch of cannibals searching for scraps of joy which they can latch onto and destroy.

Ah, well, it's not all of them. And in less than a year I'll never have to deal with any of them again, except for the ones who I want to keep in touch with. So I'm trying to tell myself that I can just ignore most of them and only pay attention to the sane ones.

[Skittles]

30. nope

have lived alone for decades and have never once felt lonely - the trick is to enjoy your own company

[billyskank]

34. It is good that you are okay with that

but that sounds like something you either do or don't. It doesn't sound like there is a 'trick' to it.

[Skittles]

35. for the most part

I have found that people who get lonely simply don't like being alone - ever

[billyskank]

36. I don't.

I don't mind being on my own, as in for hours or whatever. It is living alone that is starting to get to me. As the years drag by, yes, I am getting lonely. It is not the same as just being on my own for a period of time.

[Skittles]

38. I have no problems meeting people - they are everywhere

problem is, most of them I cannot stand :7

[VLC]

31. Is this how it's been your whole life, or is it schedule related right now?

I met a guy a couple months ago who felt similar to you. He said he had been socially awkward his whole life, and then decided to read a book about it - the problem is common and there are many books. He read some books about how to be a good conversationalist, how to approach people, etc. and said it has made a huge difference in his life.

I thought it was an interesting approach. People don't usually address social/personal problems the way they address others, but it works! Learn about the problem, identify solutions, put them into practice.

I realize your schedule makes it more difficult, but you are not the only one who works weird shifts. Unless you live in a tiny town, there must be late morning events of some kind.

And ditto what many others have said - find somewhere to volunteer. It's impossible NOT to meet people that way.

[Droopy]

41. It's been that way since I became a trucker

Being gone for long periods of time and working long, odd hour shifts has pretty much erased my social life. I am not socially awkward.

I've looked into voluteering, but I could not find anything suitable in my area. It either doesn't fit my schedule, or they are very particular about who they want- like internships for college students. I will give it another look, however. It's been a while since I've checked into it.

[halobeam]

32. loneliness

You can be alone and not lonely. You can be next to a person you truly love and still feel lonely.

It's inside. There's no other conclusion. Find out what you are missing and go for it, or it will never subside.

Most of us tend to think we need people because we are lonely. But as some have posted here, they are alone much of the time and not lonely, and others go where there are many people and still feel lonely. We may not be missing people in our lives. We could be missing an artistic expression, or a sense of purpose in our careers.

You need to find out exactly what it is you want. Once you do, please don't let anything get in your way of getting it. Especially yourself.

Just some insight into a field that I, like many here, have great experience in.

[DarkTirade]

33. I'm in a similar situation

My solution: to look for a new job that won't make me be asleep when everyone else is awake and vice versa. :)

That and porn.

[Blue_Tires]

37. ttt

hopefully i'll find some ideas to fight loneliness as well

[applegrove]

39. Join a church. Pursue your interests. Join a book club or a gym.

[bikebloke]

40. I adapted

There was a time when I felt isolated. I had moved to a town that was pretty unfriendly. So I adapted to my solitude. Maybe too much. Now I'm reluctant to socialize when I have my own activities. A big 180 degree turn from my hyper-gregarious travelling and kibbutz living days.

[redqueen]

42. Not really... but I am lonely.

I seem to prefer it to going out and trying to make friends, though, so... *sigh*

I've always been more of a loner than a joiner... so... I just focus on the one or two friends I have and call it even.

[Roon]

43. I solved my loneliness problem.

I got a roommate! Working out great!

[Droopy]

44. No can do here. I've only got one bedroom.

[Roon]

57. Awww!

I don't have two bedrooms but I have a basement room. My roomie loves it!!

[Midlodemocrat]

45. You seem like such a sweet person, I think any number of

organizations would kill to have your help. Maybe teaching disadvantaged kids to read? I LOVE working with kids and have met a great many of my friends that way.

Volunteering is a great way to meet like minded people as well. I bet if you thought about it a bit, you would come up with a passion of yours that has an unfilled need somewhere.

Best to you, Droopy. :hug:

[Droopy]

52. Thanks Midlo

I'm afraid I'm not good with kids. I like kids, I just don't know how to connect with them. I've been hunting for a volunteer position before and I didn't have much luck. It seems like a lot of organizations who use volunteers are awfully picky about the kind of person they want in contrast to just needing someone with a strong back. I'll keep looking, though.

[Midlodemocrat]

54. How about the hospital?

My friend volunteers at the hospital visiting the folks who aren't terribly, terribly ill and she loves it. She actually stumbled upon my husband last summer when he had congestive heart failure. She brings patients magazines, chats a bit, brings them something to eat or drink, that kind of thing.

[Droopy]

56. That might work

For a long time there I wanted to work with mentally ill patients after a couple of my own stays on a psychiatric ward. I even tried going back to college to get a degree in the field, but it didn't work out. I don't know if they'd allow me on a psych ward, but it would be worth a shot.

[ceile]

46. What about getting a dog?

A companion for you at home and also a great way to meet people. Dog meetups, dog walking groups, dog parks are all great ways to meet people. Just a thought....:hug:

[Droopy]

53. That won't work

I'm gone 12 hours a day and I'm afraid I cannot give the kind of attention a dog or other pet needs.

[Jamastiene]

48. Hmm, you had to add the "besides prostitutes and dope" part?

Didn't you? I tend to let myself daydream a little about how nice it would be if the woman of my dreams actually thought I was human.

I listen to my favorite music and go inside the music instead of just listening. It's a little trick I have learned through the years. It feels safe there.

I find internet communities with great people and carry on conversations and/or debates for the purpose of connecting. I only do that at communities with people I really like and relate to, like here, LLF, and C-Lo forums.

I take nice long hot baths and surround myself with candles and nice scents that remind me of all the wonderful women I have met and adored through the years.

I talk slow walks through my yard and look at all the wildlife and enjoy watching them romp and play.

I cry. I laugh. I sleep. I do anything it takes to get me through the night. Damn the consequences.

Loneliness is something that is hard as hell to endure. It's been killing me for years. I have finally decided that it is something I should embrace and learn to live with, because for me, it is going to be like this forever. I'm just too eccentric and strange and all sorts of other things that make people not really know what to do with me, so they flee when I enter a room or post in a thread.

Maybe I shouldn't have posted here. I might have killed your thread. I sure hope I didn't. But for the truth, no woman I adore is every going to like me back. I have figured out that that is carved in stone deeper and more permanent than even the Ten Commandments display in front of an Alabama courthouse.

So, I have had to adjust to the life I never wanted to live, a life of loneliness and misery. I guess in time, I'll learn to accept it and figure out how to cope. Otherwise, I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.

If you hadn't added the "besides prostitutes and dope" part, I would have said this. If I had great drug connections left, I'd stock up on smack and crack and then save some serious money. After that, I would go find a working girl to spend an entire week with just for some relief from the misery of my permanently rejected condition. That would be like a taste of heaven for me.

I feel exactly where you are coming from when it comes to loneliness, Droopy. I totally get it.

[Droopy]

51. Hey, Jamastiene

It's okay to post in my threads even if you're a dreaded thread killer, because I have the power to resurrect them!

I feel your pain. It would be nice to have a mate sometimes, but most of the time I just wish I had some people to hang out with. If I ever meet a nice woman I think it will be due to us meeting as casual acquaintances and then developing something from there. But I need casual acquaintances first!

You've got a brain in your head. In my experience most women like that sort of thing, so don't give up.

[redqueen]

55. "I need casual acquaintances first!"

Yup, same here... and that creates all kinds of problems, it seems.

[tigereye]

49. keep trying Craig's list - you never know when you will get a bite...

there might be some social agencies or church groups you could try.... (well, church groups that aren't too heavy handed with the proselytizing, anyway)