Have you read "Bored of the Rings?"

[pokerfan]

It;s on my bookshelf so neener neener.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bored_of_the_Rings

"Do you like what you doth see...?" said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Frito's throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale.

She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her.

"Let me make thee more comfortable," she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. "Touch me, oh touch me," she crooned.

Frito's hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.

"Toes, I love hairy toes," she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Frito's nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.

"But I'm so small and hairy, and...and you're so beautiful," Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.

The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. "There is one thing you must do for me first," she whispered into one tufted ear.

"Anything," sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. "Anything!"

She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. "The Ring," she said. "I must have your Ring."

Frito's whole body tensed. "Oh no," he cried, "not that! Anything but...that."

"I must have it," she said both tenderly and fiercely. "I must have the Ring!"

Frito's eyes blurred with tears and confusion. "I can't," he said. "I musn't!"

But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maiden's hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully...

[NewJeffCT]

1. a hot elf maiden can certainly throw a monkey wrench into things

Sauron should have tried a different tactic!

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. It's my party and I'll snub who I want to!

Great book!

:rofl:

[catmandu57]

3. I sit on the floor and pick my nose

and think of dirty things.
I loaned that book to my brother four years ago, he's never given it back.

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

4. Ah I remember Pepsi and the gang

One of my favorite books as a teen. Need to find another copy and relieve some childhood memories.

[seemunkee]

5. I can't believe they left Tim Benzedrine out of the movie

What were they thinking?

[KatyMan]

6. Love it...

Always have a copy around, and usually am lending it out and losing it. Excellent book.

[sarge43]

7. Yup. Still have a first edition.

Love it. One of my favorite memories, I was reading it in a chow hall. Came to the passage about boggie's eating habits "They'd eat anything they could wrestle down their throats." Looked around and lost it. :spray:

[stuntcat]

8. no but

My husband read it a long time ago, we have a beat-up old copy.

[EstimatedProphet]

9. Years and years ago I read it - hilarious!

[Dukkha]

10. There's Star Wars porn too

it's utterly embarassing. Amazing what a 30 something shut-in will do.

[regnaD kciN]

11. "...the sound was enough to wake the dead, if they hadn't already been bringing up the rear."

:rofl:

(I also loved the Ballhog. Dribble...dribble...dribble...)