Son's pre-school teachers recommend evaluation for autism/sensory disorders.

[rbnyc]

My son is having a little trouble adjusting to pre-school. The teachers have noticed some things and we are having a meeting tomorrow, but since I work at the facility where my son goes to school and am on Senior Team with the Program Director, I know what's on the agenda of tomorrow's meeting. The teachers have noticed in my son the following:

Extreme reaction to disruption of routines
Difficulty making transitions
Extreme sensitivity to noise
Poor eye contact
Not responsive to name
Spacing out
Excessive lining up of toys
Pattern walking
Hitting, biting self, hitting head against wall

These are all symptoms of disorders on the autism spectrum and/or sensory disorders.

Then there's the excessive swearing and refusal to use the bathroom.

I noticed in my son from an early age a few red flags for autism, but I wasn't concerned because he is social and affectionate, and has good language and motor skills.

Anyway, they are going to ask that he go for evaluation. My husband is extremely cynical about this type of thing and has an enormous distrust of "experts."

I'm nervous. We are under a great strain as it is. I don't want to go through this. And my little boy is smart and wonderful and I don't want there to be anything wrong with him.

[Midlodemocrat]

1. R - all of the things you listed can be addressed.

Being social and affectionate are wonderful traits, and I know you are worried, but try not to be too upset.

Honestly, I think everyone on the planet falls somewhere on the spectrum for autism and its cousins.

:hug:

[rbnyc]

3. That's probably true.

The Program Director asked me if it ran in my family, and Ithought, maybe ME. ;-)

Thanks.

[LaraMN]

2. A label is just a label, babe.

If your son has issues that can be categorized, it's not so much more profound than if he has issues that aren't diagnosed as a "condition."

Don't worry.

You and your husband are intelligent, caring, devoted parents. Whatever help your little guy does or doesn't need, you'll hash it out. A label won't change the person who he is.


:hug:

[rbnyc]

4. Thank you.

Autism is such a huge fear--especially when you hear about parents' whose child will never say "I love you."

Garrison expresses his feelings very well, of love, frustration, excitement, anger, joy, fear, contentment.

We're blessed, no matter what.

[LaraMN]

6. And all those things he's doing, he won't suddenly stop doing.

You already know he's expressive. That's a very good thing!
:thumbsup:

[rbnyc]

8. That's right.

Thanks so much. He's playing with his cars right now and singing. We're taking a sick day because we both have a cough andrunny noses. ;-) He was so happy to have a "Mommy Day."

[coffeenap]

5. Have you noticed any amazing intellectual qualities in him?

Profoundly gifted kids are so unusual most "experts" don't even know how to recognize them. I, and a whole network of friends, have experienced this sort of thing. If it turns out that you need this kind of perspective, please feel free to pm me. (An example: the cause of odd behaviors can be that the child needs constant intellectual stimulation from multiple sources or they find other, usually odd, activities to keep that brain busy.)

[rbnyc]

7. He learned all his letters early...

...and is picking up on spelling now, while most of his peers are still working on letter recognition. He knows all the stops on the Huntington Line of the LIRR. He has a great memory. He is very verbal and makes complex sentences. Yet he has trouble with some very simple things, like answering "How old are you?" No matter how many times we go over it, he just doesn't seem to understand. He can say, "I'm frustrated because you won't go to the taco restaurant." But he can't say "Three" when you ask "How old are you?"

[coffeenap]

9. Those really can be signs of it. Often, the seemingly simple things

are so much harder for the kind of kid i am talking about. I found out years later, that the concept of age, or size, or what-a-stranger-is were wildly different in my kid's mind than in mine. Here is an example: My kid told me much later that he didn't want to learn to read because he thought it was a waste of time since he would automatically memorize books read to him. He learned at age 5, but was memorizing books at about 3. He spoke in paragraphs when others were learning to put two words together. If I had known then what I know now...

Best wishes. PM if you want.

[coffeenap]

11. Sorry, one more thing: about the age thing:

It is possible, that he needs to understand the reality behind the concept of age before he can acknowledge that he is, indeed, three. In his mind it might be: three what? why am i three and someone else is some other number? is it random? is there a pattern to it? With my kid, i would have to explain that three refers to how many years he has been here, that a year means the number of days it takes for the earth to go around the sun, and that people measure how old they are by this. Then, he'd be able to remember he was three. (I am not kidding, and I know it sounds weird.)

[conscious evolution]

32. I have seen this happen before.

A friends kid knew what numbers were but did not know what a year was until someone explained the calender.

[Burma Jones]

30. We had the same problem with our son

He could repeat "Cat In The Hat" and I mean the whole damned book when he was 18 months old - I thought I had a Genius on my hands, but ask him how are you or how old are you and you would get absolutely no answer.

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. Egads! Best wishes to you!!

Though I'm sure if he is autistic, he has a wonderful mom to help him with it! And will bring blessings that a "normal" child would never bring you.

I hope that whatever it is, only the best comes out of it!

[rbnyc]

13. Thanks so much!

He's asking for me now. Gotta run!

Love you so much!

[MrCoffee]

12. excessive swearing?

how old is he?

[rbnyc]

14. He just turned 3. (nt)

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. I think my brother is also on the autism spectrum

but he grew up decades ago, long before any such concept was current. Accordingly he's gone through life without help and understanding. He's been seen simply as a weird guy.

I suggested this to my mother, we both read up on it, and it has greatly changed how we view him. I no longer get as angry at him for his actions because I now accept the possibility that he may be wired differently. I try to deal with him the way he is.

I myself have bipolar disorder. Far from being dismayed at the diagnosis, I was relieved that my problem was known and had a name. I thought I was just a stupid fuckup before. Now I function much better in life with appropriate medication.

A name, even a crude one, for his 'brain-wiring' is actually a blessing in some ways because it helps you accept things that might otherwise frustrate you. It also helps you find people with similarly constituted kids in order to help meet their needs.

[rbnyc]

35. It can be a relief...

...especially if you are having problems, to know that there's a mechanismat work.

I just hope that we find out that he really is fine or that his condition is very mild, and I hope my husband and I, his teachers, doctor, and all 6 grandparents can quickly get on the same page and not argue with each other over what's best for him.

I feel I will have to provide real leadership here.

I can do it; my son gives me strength.

Thanks for your post.

[Ellen Forradalom]

40. Don't forget to have some fun

I am reminded of an article I read years ago written by a mother of a Down's syndrome child. She agonized until she realized one day, "Since we're never going to fit in, why not live it up?" After that she began to find the fun in the situation and wrote that every day with her child was like an acid trip :-).

So don't forget to live it up!

[TrogL]

43. This ended years of frustration in my family

I was adopted at birth by heavy-duty socializer. Their other kids were all socializers. Then I came along with my wierd traits and the battles began.

A few years ago, I pointed out the concept of Asperger's Syndrome to my sister and suddenly everything made sense.

[Arkansas Granny]

16. By all means, have him evaluated. If there is a problem,

the sooner you know the sooner you can address it. Good luck to you and your son.

[Iris]

17. Exactly. And this evaluation doesn't have to be the final and definitive one.

Find out what they say, do some research, and if you have doubts, get a second opinion.

But with autism, the sooner you can get treatment, the better off the child will be.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

18. The things that are of particular concern

are hitting and biting himself and banging his head against the wall and the excessive swearing - I urge you to get this child to an expert (even if your husband does not agree) - These are extreme symptoms - The hitting, biting and head banging is the way an autistic brain tries to block out visual and aural stimulation. The sound and sights are so intense that the self inflicted pain momentarily relieves the child of all that stimulation which is excruciating. The good thing is that he is affectionate and has good language skills and motor coordination -

I should let you know that I have a B.A. in behavioral psychology - I worked with autistic children. They range from not being able to form a single word to the children with Asperger's Syndrome - who are "high functioning" autistic's - It sounds like your boy may fall somewhere in the middle.

I too understand you and your husband not wanting to place a label on this child - it is unfortunate that we live in a society who wants to put everyone in a box and categorize and label - We are not a one size fits all kind of being.

My personal experience:

My son, turning 8 in October, was having difficulty in school last year - Was in the second grade - He was very disobedient and disruptive. He would fly into rages. On the other side of the coin, he reads - AND writes at 8th or 9th grade level. His spelling, grammar and punctuation are impeccable - Because of this, he is expected to act more mature -so, the teacher, who could not get this kid to cooperate and who was at her wits end decided that he is autistic. I decided to sit in on the class. It was like some sort of free for all in the class -- kids up wandering around, talking, working on their own in corners, sitting on the floor on the tables, one kid who was sharpening one pencil after another after another in an electric sharpener... It was chaos. My son, needs order in his world or he falls to pieces - I asked my husband to take a day from work so he could get the flavor of the class too -- My husband could not believe how horrible it was nor could he believe that the kid being the biggest pain in the ass was our son. We took our boy to his pediatrician who performed an evaluation on him and he said:

"Do not allow the school to pin a label on this kid - He is okay. He does not have autism. He is rebelling against disorder in his world... Move him to another class."

it worked.

A new teacher with control over her class was what it took. He was not perfect but he made such a giant improvement that I could finally breath and get a good nights sleep.

Please seek some help for your little one.

He may need to be in a special environment designed for children who perceive the world differently than you or I do -- Once he finds a comfort zone he will be able to move ahead and thrive.

edit: remove typo

[rbnyc]

36. Thanks for your insight.

He bites, hits and bangs himself it seems when he is frustrated. It seems like he's trying to say something he can't say or do something he can't do when he does this behavior. It's scary. It only happens a coouple times a week--but it may be escalating if the teachers have noticed it. I'll find out in our meeting tomorrow.

The swearing, it seems like he does it just beause he knows it bothers people. He does it to try to get a rise out of people and totest their reaction.

[Deja Q]

19. Have the guy checked out. Please do so.

What everyone here is saying makes sense.

Something may be wrong, but the smarter doctors and psychologists can accurately figure a person out and do something about it; to make anything wrong less wrong.

I can't blame your hubby's dislike of experts. I had to go through the valley of quackery for nearly 30 years, mostly because what's out there wasn't recognized in the US until 1994 -- and even by then I was well over 18 and all too many summarily discounted my childhood. Like I said, valley of quackery.

:hug:

[hedgehog]

20. It's not a problem - but it may be that he sees the world differently.

Excessive lining up of toys? That reminds me of the perpetual parades of my little ponies my girls used to arrange.

Refusal to use the bathroom? In a 3 year old? I had to struggle to get my oldest to use the toilet; he found diapers much more convenient. He has a master's in Mechanical engineering now and makes more money than I do.

My point is that your son may be be somewhere on the autism/Asper ger's syndrome spectrum, but clearly he's at the very functional end. Be careful that a label isn't used to limit his opportunities, but grab all the assistance you can get to help him understand NTs*!





*neuro-typicals

[rbnyc]

39. YES!

My husband's uncle was deprived of oxygen at birth and is developmentally disabled. But his parents never labeled him. He went to a regular school. He was expected to get a job when the time came. He has lived a full, rich, independent life and has reached a potential I think he may never have reached if his parents had told people he was "retarded" or "special" and had a different set of expectations for him.

[A-Long-Little-Doggie]

21. My son and I were psyched when we found out there was a name for

the way he was. He was finally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was 19. His teachers and his father and I knew from very early on that there was something unique about him. He too started early on his numbers and letters, and could read some by his second birthday. But his issues around transitions, sensitivity towards noise, and other issues caused him problems from the beginning. Fortunately, we were in a town so devoted to the educational needs of all children that his teachers made accommodations, even though he did not yet have a formal diagnosis. The counselor in the grammar school had weekly sessions with him to help him with his social skills, and she was a miracle worker.

My son was tested 3 times for ADHD and was found not to have it. The testing folks in K-12 did not recognize his Asberger's, and it was finally his counselor in college who was able to put a name to the thing.

Two the more interesting and unique things about my son that we learned after diagnosis was that the way he holds a pen with 3 fingers in a pyramid and the fact that he never learned to ride a bike are both things you find in people with Asberger's. Who knew??

Go get the testing but, regardless of outcome, continue to advocate for your son. You know him best and you will be the one who makes sure that his school environment is the best it can possibly be for him.

[KamaAina]

22. Hint: You'd be surprised how many DUers are on the spectrum

:hi:

enough that we (including parents, etc.) have our own DU group:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=387

Autism self-advocates believe that what's wrong is with society, not with us! (oops, the cat's out of the bag :-) )

[KamaAina]

28. D'oh! I forgot I used to be in the field in NYC

it's been that long. :shrug:

I ran the multimedia/computer lab at a school in NYC that serves kids with autism. Brooklyn also boasts the well-reputed League School. Thus, should things reach that point, I shall endavor to ensure that the two of you are not left without options.

Weren't you considering moving to Long Island? I used to give talks out there, too...

[rbnyc]

42. I did move to Long Island.

I work in Brooklyn and Garrison's pre-school is where I work. We're commuters. :)

[Greyskye]

23. lots of good advice in this thread

Some of the behaviors are also symptomatic of Sensory Integration Disorder. There are some very simple non-drug therapies (such as brushing the body with a special brush) and compression of the extremities that can really, really make some dramatic differences in behavior.

Good luck! :hug:

[Pithlet]

24. My son's symptoms were very similar.

He's now doing very well in mainstream kindergarten. We had challenges that most other parents don't have to face, but he has come so far since the day we were told he needed to be evaluated because of the occupational therapists and speech therapists the school has provided because of the results of his evaluation. I can't even imagine what these past three years would have been like without them. The absolute worst part is when you're first confronted with the request for an evaluation and the realization that some things may be different about your child. It's very scary. If you have any questions or are ever in need of support, feel free to PM me. :hug:

[rbnyc]

37. Thanks Pith.

I willbe in touch. Your post is mosy encouraging.

[JitterbugPerfume]

25. it wont hurt to have it checked out

He is a wonderful child, and no diagnosis will ever change that .

[Maine-ah]

26. I was wondering if that might be the case after seeing

your post in the parents group. :hug:

[LynneSin]

27. My friend found out her daugher had some learning disabilities just last year

and they have her repeating Kindergarten in order to get her caught up with the other kids.

I think it's better to have Garrison checked out now and if necessary, repeat a year in school then for this to happen later on in life when it could affect him negativitely. I also had a nephew who repeated 1st grade and 12 years later it was the best thing for him.

I'm sure Garrison is just fine!! He's in my prayers!

[Burma Jones]

29. Been there, Done that, Still doing that with my 9 yo Son

I don't know whether you should think in terms of "wrong with him" It helped us to recognize differences and go with those. My son exhibited a few of those behaviors you list, but mostly exhibited problems in his language skills, highly echolalic. He seemed to have an enormous Hard Drive, but a limited CPU........Three years of Speech therapy and heavy duty pre-school (paid for by the Katonah, NY School System) helped. Do have the evaluation done and get him as much help and extra education as you can.

[rbnyc]

41. Awesome point!

And actually, that kind of thinking is part of what really scares me, but you don't often see other ways of looking at it modeled.

Thanks!

[Connonym]

31. That must be sort of scary for you

:hug: I don't know much about autism but I do know that having your child labeled as being different is difficult. My daughter has a learning disability and I know that I've felt a lot of emotion (including guilt, worry, stress) over that. If there is a bright side to it, it's that it does mean that hopefully they're catching the problem early (and early intervention is good with any situation I think) and it also may qualify your son for extra programs through the school. Better that they notice than to have him fall through the cracks. I'm wishing you strength and courage as you go through this scary time. Try not to focus on what they call it -- focus on them doing positive things to help your son.

[applegrove]

33. Hang tough. Doesn't sound like he is very autistic cause of the language use.

[Shell Beau]

34. Aw sweetie I hope all goes well!

:hug:

[rbnyc]

38. Thanks to EVERYONE.

I'm sick and I just took my narcotic cough syrup so I'm not really able to reply to individual posts at this point,but before I go out completely I just want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you all!

:loveya: