A brief tale about a stupid, empty woman

[Orrex]

I worked at a Hardee's back in 1992, and on Friday nights I had the eight-to-four shift, meaning that I worked the insane post-bar-closing rush.

One evening an incredibly hot-looking woman glided into the lobby. Glowing mist attended her entrance, and butterflies and hummingbirds whirled about her as she walked. Her hair billowed about her perfect face in a blonde corona, and her eyes were burning points of emerald.

The restaurant grew hushed in the presence of this finery, and even the lights seemed to dim around her, the better to show off the glow that radiated from her flawless skin.

If she'd been sculpted in marble, the sculptor would have gone mad at the beauty of his own creation.

Of the four registers she could have chosen, she flowed over to mine and produced a folded dollar bill from between her breasts and held it out to me.

==========

Imagine a 33 1/3 record of howling cats, played at 45. And imagine that every so often you scrape the needle back and forth vigorously. Got it?

==========

"Can I have a cheeseburger?" she rasped in that same strangled, ear-splitting squawk. She followed with a mad "tee hee hee" that I hope never to hear again because it will surely mean that an escaped lunatic with a chainsaw is gleefully preparing to murder me with it. And the conversation she shared with a nearby customer did little to suggest that she held some hidden brilliance.


Horrible, horrible, horrible. Never before or since have I seen such a lightning-fast descent from goddess to monster. Lucifer's fall from Heaven was no more dramatic or total.


So, in the end, it can be said that not all men find empty, shallow women to be sexy.

[redqueen]

1. But...

didn't you still find her sexy? It was only that her voice put you off?

:shrug:

I mean... did she literally become unattractive due to the sound of her voice?

[Orrex]

3. Not just her voice--it was her whole manner, after the spell had been broken

Nor did she go into any bank of mine (though I can't speak for the guys who worked in the kitchen, since they weren't able to hear her up close).

[redqueen]

5. heh...

thank you!

:D

[QueenOfCalifornia]

2. Wow, I'm impressed

with your alliteration....

The only thing you could have added to make the image more frightening is:
:This beauty reached into her elegant beaded handbag pulled out a harmonica and a stick of gum and proceeded to play them both at unimaginable decibels which caused the flying monkeys to swarm.

[JitterbugPerfume]

4. An intriguing story Orrex

with a lot said in few words

[Orrex]

8. Heh. Thanks!

If I had the chance, I'd do this writing stuff for a living!

[Suich]

6. I can't believe you still remember that

from 1992!

:)

[Orrex]

7. The scope of her transformation made the memory immortal

I have lots of zany memories of that time, but this particular episode so struck me that I can't forget it.

I suspect that if I'd witnessed someone setting himself ablaze in the lobby I would remember it with similar clarity.

:shrug:

[MrCoffee]

9. you pig bastard

you said "A brief tale"... that was not brief. i had to scroll down. my finger hurts now.

[Orrex]

10. My sparkling prose is worth scrolling down for

If you'll forgive the double dangling participle.

[MrCoffee]

13. to your credit, it *was* jam packed with imagery

[Orrex]

14. Such a tale demands imagery

If I can't get you to see the incident, then it might as well not have happened.

[bbernardini]

11. Obviously, you want to invade Iran. nt

[Orrex]

16. As a matter of fact, my employers *were* Iranian

Not a lot of business sense in that family, but a job's a job.

[LynneSin]

12. Here I thought this was another post about one of the Bush twins

my bad

[KG]

15. this thread is useless without pics.

:hi:

[Orrex]

17. Sorry--it was long ago

And I wasn't in the habit of keeping a camera handy while running the register.

You'll just have to make do with my artful wordsmithing.

[begin_within]

18. You're a poet!

[Boojatta]

19. Wait, is this voice-ist, mind-ist, manner-ist bigotry?

You are supposed to treasure every pitiful being even if you have to force yourself to focus your attention exclusively on the body. Many men, naturally empathic, do that effortlessly!