I told my son to shape up or ship out

[MissMillie]

I took him back after he fell on his face. He had no money and no where to go.

He can take my feelings into consideration, or he can find somewhere else to live.

I will not live with someone who so blatantly shows no regard for me or my feelings.



It will kill me to throw him out. I will worry incessantly over where he is living and whether or not he is eating or keeping warm.

But I will not allow him to take advantage of the fact that I love him. If he loves me, he will treat me like he loves me. He will do the few things that I ask (such as keeping the house quiet at night so I can sleep, and keeping food and dirty dishes out of his room).

I took him in when he had no where to go.

Nevermind that, I'm his mother. He says he loves me.

He needs to treat me like he loves me.

He'll be 20 next week. Anyone have any idea how much longer this "stage" will last? (I'm told it's a stage. I'm told that I set a good example and that he HAS learned how to treat people he loves... )

[PeaceNikki]

1. Hugs to you...

:hug:

I don't know when it ends and I will anxiously await a reply with the answer. I am a few years behind you and can relate more than you know.

Hang in there... :hug:

[StrongBad]

2. Don't know the history of the situation...

...but it sounds like this sort of disrespect towards you has been going on for quite a while.

If that's the case, I think you're doing the right thing.

19 is extremely young and he can definitely right his situation and get back on track if he wants. Does he have any dreams? Any goals? I think more than anything he needs direction and something to work towards or give him hope.

Hope everything works out for you!

[BOSSHOG]

3. Tough Love Sweet Heart

If he loved you he'd get out and shape up and make something of himself and help you out in the future. To set him out on the street with the advice to "shape up" is a very good thing for you to do.

[FredScuttle]

4. You're doing the right thing

it may seem harsh and callous, but you'll be doing him the best favor of his life. Enabling him any further will kill any motivation he has and he will become too comfortable living off your charity and love.

It takes a lot of courage to do what you're going to do...I applaud you and wish nothing but the best for your son.

[irish.lambchop]

5. I think this 'stage' is different with each individual.

My son came home a few times before he finally figured things out - at least the things that keep a roof over his head and food on the table - the rest, I don't know. We get along much better when he's not under my roof, that's for sure! But I'll always provide a haven for him - and my son will be 28 this December. You'll never stop worrying - that's part of the package - and keep in mind that boys take longer to "cook" than girls.

[Shell Beau]

6. All I can say is if you do kick him out, make sure you say that you love him.

My mom did the same for my brother when he was 24. He screwed up soooo many times. It was the absolute best thing for her to do. But it was on bad terms. She never saw him again. He died a couple of months later in a car accident. She has never forgiven herself. Even though she did the best thing for him, the last words they had were not kind.

I am not a mother so it is hard for me to really give you any advice. But you can't enable him. You must help him. And if making him grow up and do right by himself and you, then do what you must!! I know it won't be easy. Be strong and good luck! :hug:

[Debi]

7. You must feel like a yo-yo

:hug: Good luck to you.

[seemunkee]

8. No answer just hugs of support

:hug:

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

9. My dad kicked me out at 18/19

I spent the next six months at homeless shelters and on the street.

Honestly it was the best thing for me.

I've been broke since then but I always kept a job and a roof over my head.

If you love him cut him off completely.


:hug:

[greatauntoftriplets]

10. Good for you, MissMillie.

You have done all you could for him.

[Arkansas Granny]

11. It's a tough thing to do, but you've got to do it. I had to give my

oldest son an ultimatum to get him to take me seriously. He wouldn't go back to school, he wouldn't get a job and wouldn't help around the house. I had to give him a deadline to shape up or leave. It wasn't easy for him or me either one, but it had to be done. He wound up joining the Navy (back in the early 90's) and it was the best decision he could have made for himself. He grew up, got married and settled down and got an excellent job when he got out of the service.