Recovering thinkers join the Republican party

[GOPBasher]

I got this email a few days ago.



Thinking

"It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and

then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to

another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.



I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it

wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally

I was thinking all the time.



That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off

the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that

night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that

thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.



I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,

Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dazed and confused,

asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"



One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it

hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If

you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."



This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my

conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been

thinking..."



"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"



"But honey, surely it's not that serious."



"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as

college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if

you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"



"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.



She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to

deal with the emotional drama.



"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I

headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into

the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.



They didn't open. The library was closed.



To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that

night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a

poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it

asked.



You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers

Anonymous poster.



This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a

TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week

it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided

thinking since the last meeting.



I still have my work, and things are a lot better at home. Life just

seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.



Today I took the final step... I joined the Republican Party. "