Loungers: How often do strangers make incorrect assumptions about your sexual orientation?

[BlueIris]

Just asking. In my own life, it's often. I try not to let it bother me, because I know how many assumptions people make about others in our sad, sorry little society, and I know I can't control what people are going to assume about me, nor should I try (mentally exhausting). So, I'm taking a little poll, just to see how many of us are in the same boat.

In your life, do strangers make incorrect assumptions about your sexual orientation/identity...

[cobalt1999]

1. Only a couple of times back in college has anyone assumed incorrectly

Working as a bartender I was hit on nightly so I guess the odds were a few gay guys would try too.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. all the time.

[taterguy]

3. That's just because so many guys wish your sexual orientation was different :)

[NewJeffCT]

7. I'm shocked I tell you shocked!

I would never think that.

[Fox Mulder]

4. My mom and dad think I'm gay because I don't have a girlfriend.

:eyes:

I wish they'd realize that I just don't want a girlfriend in my life right now. How is that so hard to understand?

[BlueIris]

5. I was in the same boat for much of high school/college.

Especially when I went for long periods of time without introducing them to anyone I might or might not be sleeping with. And now that I've been single for almost five years, they're starting to insinuate that I should just go date women. Because they buy into that stereotype about single women of a certain age who aren't married being lesbian, bi or transgendered. I think it's obvious I'm not, but the cultural conditioning encouraging them to make the assumption is too strongly ingrained in them for them to see the truth, I guess (even though my parents consider themselves to be gay-friendly and not homophobic in any way).

[IntravenousDemilo]

58. Still hoping Agent Scully will come around, are you? n/m

:D

[NewJeffCT]

6. I've had a few gay men express interest

but, not that often. One even tried to slip me his phone number... So, I voted "rarely"

[DarkTirade]

28. In that case it might have been a hope rather than an assumption. :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

8. Always.

I'm married, and they assume because I'm married, I'm straight. I'm not. I'm bi---and very much so. :)

[SarahB]

9. So how do you handle it?

As far as I can see there's only 3 options:

1. Together.
2. Apart.
3. Suppress it.

Feel free to PM me on this one. I promise I'll respond more there. :)

[Jokerman]

10. Just once...

I was in a comedy club with some gay friends and we got to meet the headliner, Etta May, after the show. Bill, a guy I had just met earlier that evening proudly announced to Etta that we were all big fans and we were all gay. I said, "well, not quite ALL of us". Bill was a little taken back and offered an apology but I told him that it wasn't necessary. At the beginning of the evening I had been concerned about fitting in with the group but his comment showed my concerns to be completely unfounded.

[LeftyMom]

11. frequently

I'm not very feminine (okay, that's the understatement of the year) and I'm pretty vocal in my opposition to homophobic bullshit, so it tends to confuse people. I don't mind.

[LostinVA]

12. You're not gay?

[LeftyMom]

15. I'd make the bestest lesbian ever if it weren't for that sex with men thing.

I'm kinda into that.

[DarkTirade]

26. Details, details...

:)

[Pacifist Patriot]

45. Really? My "gaydar" didn't go off at all.

:)

[flvegan]

13. At work, it used to happen all the time.

I didn't leer at the women there, and I was pretty friendly with a couple very openly gay men who would flirt with me quite a little bit.

[LeftyMom]

16. You're straight?

:wow:

prove it!


Oh, wait... btdt.


:loveya:

[AllegroRondo]

14. used to happen all the time.

Heck, my own MOTHER thought I was gay until I was 21 and got married the first time.

Funny thing, though, I did have some gay friends at the time, and even went to some parties and clubs with them. But I never got hit on by guys, I guess they were better at knowing I was straight.

[Jamastiene]

17. I'm not straight, but just by looking everyone assumes I am.

I get hit on by guys all the time and women don't. It sucks to be honest.

[dropkickpa]

18. Other -

Technically, whatever they assume is at least partially right.

[Patiod]

19. One time a friend mistook me for a tranny

I was at a Halloween party, dressed as a flapper and kissed a guy friend on the cheek, and he slugged me in the arm. "Jamie!" I yelped. "Ah, geez, Pattie, I thought you were a transvestite kissing me!!"

I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, and realized I looked exactly like a transvestite -- platinum blond wig, heavy makeup, long pearls wrapped around my neck (hiding my LACK of adam's apple), and a drop-waist dress that hid my clearly-not-a-guy ass. Plus I'm almost 6' tall, with fairly broad shoulders for a girl.

[SacredCow]

20. Quite often...

Especially since I was married for 8 years and have a child. But then again, I don't go out of the way to identify my sexuality to strangers and/or acquaintences- It's on a "need to know" basis.

[LibertyLover]

21. Several years ago

about a year or so before I met my husband, a three of my friends and I got active in the SCA. Two, "Mary" and "Linda", were a committed lesbian couple and then there was "Sue" (names changed because we are no longer particularly friendly) and I, who had met in grad school, shared several similar interests and enjoyed each other's company. We 4 usually went to events together and were friendly outside of the SCA as well. Then I met the guy I married and we got engaged. At the next barony meeting we were sitting together and during the New Business portion of the meeting, the baroness announced that I had some news and if I didn't tell everyone, then she would make the announcement. So I blushed and introduced my husband to be. After the meeting several people came up to congratulate us and commented that they had thought since I had always hung out with women, including two lesbians, they had assumed that I was lesbian as well. I had never given it much thought to be honest. These women were, at least at the time, my friends and of course I was going to hang with them.

[Mike Daniels]

22. Rarely - in fact only twice that I can recall (once by a guy and once by a girl)

But the girl thought I was gay because I didn't try to get her in the sack within an hour of meeting her. Once it became obvious she had major issues I decided it wasn't worth my time or sanity proving her wrong.

[MissMillie]

23. I think most people think I am non-sexual

and that's a pretty fair guess, I suppose.

[tjwmason]

24. Between frequently and almost always.

Because folk tend to assume that I'm straight. It doesn't bother me, though I nearly came out in vituperative terms at work when my manager implied I favoured a candidate at interview because she was a "cute" young lady (she was also blatently the best candidate)...but as I keep my personal life personal folk at work usually presume I'm straight unless and until I say something specific.

[BlueIris]

25. Kick.

[DarkTirade]

27. I've only had one person who outright accused me of being one sexuality or another

Back in high school, he just couldn't seem to understand that 'different' doesn't mean 'doesn't like girls'.

I don't know how many others have made assumptions, but I'd wager most of them are wrong anyway because I don't really fit any one sexual orientation. :P

[zanne]

29. I'm over 50...

Nobody cares.

[Kali]

47. ...

:spray: :rofl: same boat plus fat

[Wapsie B]

49. Yeah same here.

[I Have A Dream]

30. Only once. I went with my mother to the Bahamas once...

and a drunken man assumed that my mother and I were a lesbian couple. :rofl:

My mother really freaked. She's come a long way in reference to homophobia, but I don't think that she'll ever get to the point where she'd be able to handle someone thinking that she's a lesbian. All of a sudden, she started sitting with a really big distance between us everywhere we went.

My boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend), who didn't go with us on the trip, got a great laugh out of the story. :)

I give my mother credit though. She's a fundamentalist Christian but has come a long way in reference to seeing gays and lesbians as the real people that they are. This wasn't always the case.

Oh, and, as an interesting aside, a transexual took my mother's name as her new name because she considered my mother to be the epitome of femininity.

[billyskank]

31. A couple of years ago, lots of Loungers thought I was gay

I used to get asked quite a lot. Nowadays, not so much.

A group of girls I know in London used to wonder if I am gay too - so a mutual friend told me (who is gay) whom they had asked, but he told them "if you want to know, ask him yourself!" They never asked me, so maybe they still think I am gay.

[Pierre.Suave]

32. As far as I know

NO ONE has ever suspected I was gay.

this may have something to do with it.

[WildEyedLiberal]

33. If they do, they don't tell me about it

I'm straight, but I almost never date or hook up with anyone, so I'm sure there are people out there who think I'm a lesbian. If they do, they at least have the common courtesy not to make assumptions to my face.

[Mutley]

34. Occasionally.

It doesn't bother me when it does happen.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

35. I am a "sexual suspect"...

I love that term -- got if from "The World According to Garp". :)

I am 47. Unmarried. No children. I have cats. I wear jeans, hoodys, and Chuck Taylors 99% of the time. I don't wear make-up. And my hair is buzzed close because of my alopecia. Oh yeah, it's almost white and I don't dye it. And I live in San Francisco.

Now why on earth anyone would look at me and think I am a lesbian is beyond me! :D

The absolutely funniest thing that happens to me is at my high school reunions. Every single year I go, I am the only one who is never asked about about their marital/child status --in fact, people seem to go out of their way to not discuss my personal life at all. It really is wonderfully strange to witness.

I'm fine with what people choose to think about me, it just might work against me a bit in the dating department. :D

[Tektonik]

36. Everyone assumes I'm straight

but I'm not

i don't correct them though :shrug:

[supernova]

37. Not often

Becuase I have gender neutral name and my general typing style, people online (not just DU) would assume I'm a man.

But I make more of an effort now to say that I'm female and that I like men. So mostly I think people have the right idea about where I'm coming from.

edit: IRL, I honestly don't know. People my age and younger don't really assume anything AFAIK. But because I'm 45, not married and no kids, I think the oldsters sometimes wonder about me. But I honestly can't be bothered.

[Jimbo S]

38. A couple of times at work.

Didn't get married until I was 36, so some people were assuming.

[xchrom]

39. uh -- not so much.

[terrya]

40. Nope.

No one has assumed I was straight.

[Mugu]

41. It's been quite a few years

since anybody cared.

Regards, Mugu

[achtung_circus]

42. Once in a while.

It's always straight men, though. Women and gay men seem to be in no doubt that I'm straight.

So much for gaydar.

[UncleSepp]

43. Almost always.

People assume I'm interested in women. As a woman, I was assumed to be a lesbian so often that until people actually met my husband, they assumed he was a polite fiction. As a man, I am assumed to be straight. I am wondering if I need to wear a sign.

[BlueIris]

53. Heh. A part of me wants to throw a sign around my neck, too.

"STOP MAKING SUPERFICIAL ASSUMPTIONS" is what it would read.

[UncleSepp]

54. LOL Yes! I'd like a sign that reads...

"If you have to read this sign, don't worry... It's Not You."

[swag]

44. Happened much more often when I was younger and cuter.

On beyond daily back then.

[Pacifist Patriot]

46. More and more, I have been getting the impression that I come across as whatever the...

other person wants me to be.

I am going to take that as a huge compliment and assume that just means I can make everyone comfortable because I really just don't think in terms of sexual orientation and just want everyone to be relaxed and comfortable.

[LostinVA]

50. That's just because Haruka's friends had the hots for you at the wedding

[Dastard Stepchild]

48. Always.

Everyone assumes that because I am married to a man, I am heterosexual. I am actually bisexual.

[Redstone]

51. Pretty much never in my case, BI. However, I think that if anyone did make

an incorrect assumption, I'd figure that would be THEIR problem, rather than mine.

Redstone

[Skittles]

52. only on DU

yes INDEED

[hunter]

55. I'm pretty good at guessing the gender of naked people.

Beyond that it all gets so confusing.

[MrScorpio]

56. Nope

I don't set off "Gaydar"

[redqueen]

57. Rarely...

I've been guerilla-kissed by a couple of lesbians... but it wasn't unpleasant. And I don't know that they didn't so much make an incorrect assumption as just hope for the best and give it a shot. :)

[CraftyGal]

59. Everybody assumes that I am straight as I recently got married.

I am actually Bi and proud of it.

Crafty

[ghostsofgiants]

60. Rarely...

Though my aunt thinks I'm gay, oddly.

[TrogL]

61. I'm bi, dress slightly gay, act straight

Even I'm confused. :wtf:

[Rob H.]

62. Used to happen occasionally when I was in my early 20s

I had a big group of gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances at the time, including a gay couple who were pretty obvious about the fact that they both wanted to, um, "share" me. Now I'm 39 and no one hits on me any more. :(

[TK421]

63. Every once in a while...I used to get hit on by guys at the bar frequently

but since that bar closed down, that hasn't happened much