Fists of Freedom - screenplay by GW Bush

[Merrick]

Who knew GWB was an aspiring screenwriter? This script was sent to a hollywood publishing agent last week by his secretary. With his influence, he should have a better chance than the rest of us to make it in tinsletown.

Fists of Freedom
A Screenplay by George W. Bush

Ext. Day: Outside the Circus
Me and Dick Cheney walk into the circus.

Int. Day: Inside the Circus
Now we are in the circus which is covered by a big tent. There are elephants and clowns and trapeez swingers and tightrope walkers and a lot of people everywhere. Dick buys a hot dog. There is this strong man who is lifting big rocks that way more than a horse and a car put together.

Me
You're call that strong? I can lift that with one hand I say to Dick.

Strong Man
(Sounding retarded) Who say that? Me strongest man in world! Me challenge anyone!

I walk over and rip off my shirt. Some hot chicks faint when they see my big musles. The ones that are still awake throw there underwear and phone numbers at me. Rivited, Dick bites into his hot dog. I hand my shirt to him.

Dick
Go get him, George.

Me
Okay I say back. To the strong man, I say move aside pip-squeek and his face turns brite red.

Strong Man
MRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I pick up the rock with one hand and spin it on my finger like a basketball player. Then I crush the car like an acordian and me and Dick jump on the horse and trot off into the circus. The Strong Man starts crying like a girl. Inside, we sit down next to some cowboys and stock brokers and watch some clowns chase the gorillas on bikes and fall over. I order some refreshments but notice all they have is granola and trail mix.

Me
Something is fishy here, and I don't mean the dolphin tamer.

Dick
This hot dog tastes funny.

Me
Let me see that.

I grab the hot dog and see that it is a tofu dog and Dick starts throwing up all over the place. I realize instantly what is going on.

Me
Dick! This isn't any regular circus, this is a hippie-terrorist circus!

Dick
Holy crap!

I grab the cowboy and Dick grabs the stockbroker and we pull off they're disguises. One has long hippie hair and the cowboy has a towel wrapped around his head under his hat. They look up at us looking stupid.

Me
Aha! I knew it.

Dick and me start totally kicking their asses. We hit them over they're heads with there bongs and rain sticks. They both bleed all over and start to throw up all over the place. But then the circus stops and all the people and performers take off there masks and turn out to be dirty hippies and arab terorists (even the gorillas!)

Me
Its a trap!

The terorists all start shooting guns at us while the hippies use solar powered fans to blow they're armpit smell at us.

Dick
Ah! They're using biological weapons of mass destruction!

Me and Dick beat them up and rip there arms and legs off and use them to beat they're bodys some more while they’re bleed to death. All the arabs bullets miss us because they cant shoot strait and we dodge them anyway and we are wearing bullet proof vests on top of it, but the hippie BO is starting to make us woozy. Then Dick grabs one of there guns and throws one to me and keeps one for himself.

Dick
Give me freedom and give me death!

Me
Die you tree hugging bastards!

RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT!! BANG! BANG! BANG!

A hippie taps me on the shoulder and begs for some money to buy some more bullets and I turn around and rip open his backpack with my bayonet.

Me
Get a job!

Begging Hippie
Hey, my hacky-sack and Fish albums are in there!

I shoot him in the foot, then the kneecap and enjoying watching him suffer.

Begging Hippie
Kucinich in 2004!

Me
Your stupid.

I really blow him away, using all my bullets. Then I and Dick make a run for the motorcycles they drive around the big barells in and take off. VROOOOM! The Arabs and hippies all eat our dust, shaking there fists and crying like girls in there veggie burgers.

Ext. Day: In the Woods
Some try to catch us with they're volkswagen buses and camels, but they cant catch up. However, me and Dick still have our adrenerlin pumping so we stop and let them catch up. I stare one terrorist in the eye.

Me
I’d turn around and go home if I were you, Abdul.

Abdul pees his pants and starts to turn his camel around, but before he does, I punch his camel right in the face! Then it screems and runs off and Abdul is riding him like a crazy bull at a rodeo trying to stay on.

Me
Come on Dick, lets go get some real food.

The End

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