Hi Everybody. I Know It's Been A Bit. Just Wanted To Share Something.

OPERATIONMINDCRIME

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Sat Oct-06-07 04:31 PM
Original message

Hi Everybody. I Know It's Been A Bit. Just Wanted To Share Something.

First, let me just say with probably glaring obviousness that today was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I was driving behind the hearse and crying my eyes out, thinking "never was I supposed to have to be the lead car in one of these things. Never". It was all just so surreal. Yesterday as well was just so surreal. It's like you're not really even there, and it's like your brain just goes 'bye bye'. But through many tears and much pain, we got through it and I've now been at home for several hours, while the kids are still on their playdate and I'm all alone, just trying to decompress and let it sink in. I'm not sure it ever will.

I'm still not ready yet to type the longer post I want to about everything, including how great you've all been, but it will be coming. I do want to give my HEARTFELT thanks to DU'er Highway61 for expressing her condolences yesterday. I always wanted to meet a fellow DU'er and though I wish it had been under different circumstances, it was quite touching nonetheless. I didn't feel like it was just her, I felt like she was representing you all. You all and so many others have been so kind and so heartfelt through this, that you have no idea the comfort you've given me. I just wanted to say that, and I wanted to give a special thanks to her. I was wanting to talk with her longer, I really wish I could've, but unfortunately the line wouldn't allow it. But a huge thank you to her nonetheless.

The real point of this post, and something I wanted to share, was to copy the eulogy I spoke for her. I've shared so much with you all that I might as well share this as well. It was written 15 minutes before I left for the service, just off the top of my head. So forgive me if it isn't the most planned out thing you've ever read. But I wanted it to be from the heart and from the top of my head, but this morning it occurred to me that I was probably fooling myself by thinking I could pull it off. So I decided to type off the top of my head, and then read from that so I had something to focus on. Anyway, enough of my babble. I gotta go but I love you all. Here it is:

All of us sitting here today who knew Stacey or ever met her, already know how amazingly special of a person she was. I don’t even need to speak the words or give a eulogy, for she eulogized herself while she was alive, every single day, by just simply being herself.

I’ve never in my life met someone as special as Stacey was. The way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she was just so preciously innocent and harmless. Just being in her vicinity could lift the spirits of those around her so easily. There’s not another person I’ve ever met in which there isn’t another person in the entire world that could utter even the slightest bad thing about her. And the reason for that is quite simple: Knowing Stacey, or meeting her even just once, meant loving her. That’s just how strong her spirit shined to people.

Even in her last days, as she lay there unable to speak or interact, she still was able to touch the souls of those around her. Never in my life have I seen the doctors and nurses in an ICU unit be so touched by a patient. Yet Stacey was different for them. Not just because she was young, but because of who she was. They could tell this from a short video I brought in of her, that which I played yesterday, and through the short time they had with her prior to her no longer being able to converse. Yet they loved her. They cried for her. They went home and prayed to God that if they had any miracles coming to them in life, that they’d like them to be used for Stacey, right now. Some gave me their home numbers and promised to help me and the kids in the future. They said we were now family. These are doctors and nurses that see the sick and dying every single day. Yet they were so touched by Stacey’s spirit, even in the state she was in, that they just fell in love with her. Some were so overcome with grief over her passing that they took the next day off or worked from home.

I share that story because that was Stacey; so easily able to touch the hearts and souls of anyone who knew her.

I said the other day to her father, who works ultimately for Disney, that Stacey was the most well written Disney princess there ever was. You would almost swear sometimes that she was from a storybook. She had the eternal soul of a child, and this overwhelmingly pure innocence that I’ve never seen the likes of. She was never tainted by life, never corrupted by greed, never overcome with politics, and never changed by all that is so damaging in the world. She just always remained so beautiful, so harmless, so loving and so playful.

But of all the things that Stacey was, what she was best was a mother. Rarely have I ever seen such love for one’s children as Stacey had for Justin and Jesse. She was so protective of them, and so loving with them. Even the slightest scratch would make her upset, because she so badly never wanted even the slightest bit of pain to come to them. The bond she had with them would often bring tears to my eyes. She loved them with all she had to give. She nurtured them in every way she knew how. She played with them with such spirit and joy That’s all she wanted to do, was play. She would sing songs with them as if a child herself. She would dance to the wiggles with them as if they were the happiest songs ever written. I will not any time soon forget those visions of her dancing with Justin and Jesse, playing with them, loving them. It truly epitomized the love of a mother.

I want to share a quick story about how sensitive and wonderful Stacey could be, and how much the little things meant to her. Some time many months ago, Stacey was home sick with Justin all day. I came home from work and went into the playroom as usual, when I noticed a carpenter ant on the ceiling. Without giving it any thought, I picked up a tissue and proceeded to kill the ant and throw him in the toilet. Then I heard Stacey crying in a really sad and sensitive way. I asked her why, and she told me that her and Justin had been watching that ant crawl around the ceiling all day, and Justin loved it and kept laughing at it. When she realized I had disposed of it, it made her cry. I stood in a moment of wonder that she was there crying so sensitively over an ant, but I so quickly recognized that those things about her were exactly the reasons I fell so in love with her to begin with. She cried over an ant she had enjoyed with my son. That’s the love she had for them, and the love she had inside of her. What I will miss about her more than all else, is how amazing of a mother she was to our children.

Stacey was just quite simply the most special and amazing person I’ve ever known. I’ve spoken often in the past few days of a bumper sticker I saw many years ago. It read “Live your life so that the preacher doesn’t have to lie at your funeral”. She truly did. I can’t think of one way in which she could’ve been better. She brought peace and joy to all that knew her, and was as beautiful a spirit as I’ve ever seen. So gentle, so loving, so warm, yet so strong. Even when she got diagnosed with her breast cancer, she was able to shine through. She was so scared of the cancer, so terrified of it, yet she had such an inspiration and drive to beat it. Through the fear she rose up and put on the most positive attitude I’ve ever seen. She was so committed to beating it, and so badly wanted to inspire others with it. She called it ‘Her Journey’. She had dreams of someday writing a book, sharing her journey, and being on talk shows. She wanted to inspire others to strength who have the disease as well as inform young women worldwide that they too need to take breast cancer seriously, because it can happen to them as well. She was so determined to change the course of medical habit that deems breast cancer to be only for those who are older. She was on a mission, and so badly wanted to help inspire others as well as make them aware. All she ever did was care about others. It touched me how she rose above her fears with the cancer, and was so proud of her for how she didn’t let it change who she was for a second. Nothing could change Stacey. She was just always her.

In fact, someone yesterday said “what was so special about Stacey is that no matter what time of day, no matter what the conversation was about, no matter what else was going on, she was always just so positive, full of laughter, full of smiles and so warm.”. That was Stacey; always just so full of love and joy.

And that was. She will have left a void in us all, for there is none other like her. She truly was a gift from God in every possible way. But I know all my words here don’t come close to touching who she really was, but they don’t need to. Like I said before, she Eulogized herself in life. Everyone in this room knows her magic and spirit, and all it takes is a glance at any of her pictures to see it in ways more than words ever could relay.

Her Journey ended far too soon, but I have no doubt she is still with us all. The doctors said they have no clinical reason to explain why things happened the way they did. I told them if there is no clinical reason, than maybe there is just merely a theological one. Because God sometimes will call upon someone on Earth to be an Angel with Him in heaven. I don’t think it would be a surprise to anyone in this room that she was the next on the list. Who better, who could possibly be better, to be an Angel than her. She was an Angel in life, and so too shall be in heaven.

So I ask all in this room to take comfort in her passing. There is no doubt in my mind that she is at peace now. She is running in a field playing and laughing, feeling joy and happiness that she could’ve only dreamed of. But I also have no doubt she is still with us all. We may be burying her body, but we are not burying her spirit. Her spirit will eternally live within us all, and in all that is around us which is beautiful. She is still here with us, and I know this to be true.

I love her with all the love in my heart I can muster. I will miss her in ways I do not yet even know. She was something so beyond precious, and we are all so much better for having known her.

I leave with this poem that we picked for the back of the cards:

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be
So he put his arms around you
And whispered come to me

With tearful eyes we watched you
And saw you pass away
Although we loved you dearly
We could not make you stay

A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best…