Local Craiglist: Women Seeking Men.

[crim son]

Notice the item w/the asterisk. :rofl: I'd date her if she weren't so young and I weren't a female. :rofl:


NOW WITH EVEN LOWER STANDARDS!

Due to shortages in men in the Greater Portland Area, the following categories of unforgivable lowlifes have been promoted to "potential relationship material" for me:

-Liars
-Cheaters
-Daily pot smokers
-My intellectual inferiors
-Dirty, smelly coffee shop poets
-Barflies
-Possessive types
-Women haters
-Men old enough to be my Dad
-My Dad
-Anyone else in my family, including the remains of my dead grandfather
-Lawyers
-People who can't spell and refuse to use spell check
-Alcoholics
-Negative, angry types
-Politicians/the criminally insane
-Smokers who pretend to be non-smokers
-Vain, self-centered artists
-Drama queens
-Guys who always get dumped and can't figure out why
-The dental-hygienically challenged
-Players
-Polygamists
-Republicans*
-Anyone with that shit-eating fetish
-People who ever liked the band "Book of Love"
-Pig Fuckers
-Pink shirt wearing corporate capitalist dick heads who drive fancy cars
-Free loaders
-Your dumb friend, age 37, who still plays video games after work
-Anyone with a toupee
-The insecure
-Misers
-Humorless "business" types
-Mama's Boys
-Egomaniacs
-Sex addicts
-Poseurs
-Infantile fuckwits who blame everyone else for their problems
-Narcissists
-Bad kissers
-The fiscally irresponsible
-Underachieving slacker dudes
-Anyone in any kind of tribute band

Hope to hear from you soon!

[Droopy]

1. Excellent! Looks like I may have finally found the right woman.

:silly:

[crim son]

2. You can't have her, not unless you allow her to accompany

me out on Friday nights. I like her attitude!

[Droopy]

4. Hey, I'm an open-minded kind of guy

I'm only possessive on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

[DarkTirade]

51. Hey, she said she allows polygamists.

Didn't specify whether it was multiple men or women in the arrangment...

[IndianaJones]

3. anyone seeking a kidney? nt.

[crim son]

7. Bwahahahahah!

I'd say she isn't hungry enough to find herself a man. :eyes:

Yes, I do not tire of that joke.

[IndianaJones]

21. what'd I tell you about empty calories? nt.

[mainegreen]

5. "Sex addicts"

Whats wrong with that addiction?

:P

[crim son]

8. Yeah, and how does that distinguish one man from the next?

:P

:hi:

[flvegan]

6. She had me at "sex addict"

What's her sign? Er...I mean, e-mail MySpace IM contact thingy-o?

[crim son]

9. Craiglist.

All kinds of fun stuff on craiglist, even in Maine.

[Froward69]

10. Quick, whats her number???

:hi: :loveya: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: or :popcorn:

[crim son]

12. Why, you managed to qualify?

:D

[Froward69]

14. I havent counted them

I could help her keep at least 2/3 ok maybe 1/2 of her promises to herself... I would keep her from feeling slimey*. :rofl: :yoiks: :rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

11. It's a best-of for sure!

[crim son]

13. I think so!

Notice how she made the unconscious connection betweeen repukes and shit-eaters. :rofl:

[Cabcere]

18. As well as

"pig fuckers." :rofl:

[XemaSab]

17. I'm sure she could find someone on the Santa Barbara CL

:eyes:

[Ellen Forradalom]

46. SB has a welcoming committee

of lecherous sausagemongers, according to local single women.

[XemaSab]

47. Is one of them named Kevin?

:shrug:

Also, do you know a guy named Neil? :shrug:

[Capn Sunshine]

48. They're ALL named Kevin or Neal

except for Chase.

[Maine-ah]

15. lol

"Anyone else in my family, including the remains of my dead grandfather"

You know, Crim, I do believe this is actually legal in Maine.

:rofl:

[crim son]

19. Ooooh, I just made a Maine joke in response to Cabcere's

post and then deleted it, thinking I might offend. Remember the fellow who was doing it with his dog? :eyes: Yep, this is Maine.

[Omphaloskepsis]

16. Damn, wrong Portland..

She had me at "Pig Fuckers"

[crim son]

20. I'm sure

that with a bit of effort you could find a coupla pig fuckers in Oregon. None of them would be related to me, naturally.

[Omphaloskepsis]

52. I know a place in Corvallis that is hiring.

[Guava Jelly]

22. Shit!!..They left out Buzzed 41 year old missourians

:mad:

[crim son]

23. It's obvious she has our state in mind.

Hi GoPsUx! I love your !

I love your

[Guava Jelly]

24. He is free fyi

:rofl:
Hey you :hug:

[crim son]

29. OMG.

Did you create that one yourself? :rofl: :loveya:

[sasquatch]

25. Well that covers about all of us

:D

[crim son]

32. You're telling me.

Sigh.

[Arugula Latte]

49. What?! There's a Republican among us?!

Perish the thought... :scared:

[amerikat]

26. Xposting to Craigslist/albany ny

too funny.

[crim son]

33. Be her guest!

:hi:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

27. I am so there.

:P

[crim son]

30. Now, I'm insulted.

I'm only a couple hours north and a couple decades older. :grr:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

35. But your standards are too high.

:P

[crim son]

37. Wrong dude.

I need my intellectual equal; otherwise I'm v. flexible.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

39. I hope I'm your equal.

;)

[crim son]

40. Oh shut up.

You mock me. Heh.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

41. Indeed.

;)

[crim son]

42. Ah, then you must be stoned.

:rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

44. Huh?

:smoke:

[crim son]

45. I can smell it from here.

Sweet.

[ironflange]

28. I qualify for nearly half of those

Too bad I'm taken, though I'm not sure why now. :(

[crim son]

31. As long as you aren't republican, your other sins

will be forgiven. :D

[ironflange]

34. Yes

That's one of the ones I'm not.

edit: I'm not a lawyer either. Outside of those two. . .

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. There's still hope for her

I don't see "Matcom" on that list.

[crim son]

38. Best laugh of the night!

Excellent observation!

[Zephyrbird]

43. LMBFAO!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE BAD!!

:spray:

Zeph

[mike_c]

50. I'm a more-or-less daily pot smoker old enough to be lot's of folks' dad...

...but otherwise I'm pretty cool with this list. Maybe a bit "fiscally irresponsible," but then, I'm not responsible to anyone but myself! Bring it on, babeeeeee....

[necso]

53. I dunno,

she still seems pretty picky to me.

For example, what if the potential candidate ("dirty, smelly ... poets") never actually goes to a coffee shop?

And can a potential candidate be more than one of those things: like "old enough to be my Dad" and "criminally insane" (etc, etc)?

[Mythsaje]

54. Why I do get the feeling

she's not a very nice person?

[mikeytherat]

55. Here's the best "singles" ad ever:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call [phone] and ask for Daisy. I'll be waiting.

Response to the ad was overwhelming: over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society!

mikey_the_rat

[Tyler Durden]

56. Oh that is JUST TOO GREAT.