I'm never freely volunteering the fact that I work with computers again

[DS1]

*at the barbershop*

btw, this is the third time in a row where she's asked my name, where I work, where is that, where I live, how I like it there. Just shut the fuck up and cut hair


Barber: So, where do you work

Me: 'where I work'

Barber: Sounds like it's got to do with computers

Me: Yep, I work with them

Barber: O RLY? My son's iPod shuffle stopped working after a power outage, and we can't get songs back on it. Do you know what the problem might be.

At this point I'm already thinking about jamming the handles of her scissors into the counter and pulling a "Cop in The Dead Zone" on myself.

Now I'm starting to know how doctors must feel at parties.
/end rant

[DS1]

1. and help me think up alternatives that make people not want to ask questions

(unless they're hot)

So far I've got

Crime scene photographer

Mortician's assistant

Cadaver Dog handler

Jizz mopper

[redqueen]

3. That might not work though, see.

Cause crazy people (speaking from experience here) can find something of interest in almost ANY subject. (sorry)

[SOteric]

10. Refuse removal engineer.

Tell 'em you ride a garbage truck for a living.

[DS1]

12. Oh you must see all sorts of interesting things people throw out!

I once found an entire cutlery set in one rubbish bin!

/Graham Chapman old woman voice

[SOteric]

15. Okay then, insurance salesman.

Usually shuts 'em right up.

[DS1]

18. You've tried?

:D

[SOteric]

39. No, not personally. My needs are usually met

by collecting those little tracts the Baptists slide under my door and asking unwelcome suitors if they've met Jesus and would they like to pray with me right now?

You'd be surprised how fast they disappear.

But Lynn works for an insurance firm and we have a great laugh about the salesmen and how they seem to be oblivious to how repelling the topic of insurance sales is perceived to be.

[myrna minx]

35. Volunteer that you are an Amway or vacuum cleaner salesman.

*NPR pledge drive coordinator
*Condom tester
*life insurance salesman
*elementary school portrait photographer (kids say the darndest things!)
or
You're a big wheel down at the cracker factory.

[redqueen]

2. Just talk nonstop.

Just start babbling nonsense that NO ONE could possibly find interesting (not a sane person, anyway)... maybe she'll get a hint.

Or at least you won't have to answer stupid questions about ipods.

[DS1]

5. that's another approach, hmm

I do stack analysis on TCP VoIP on ATM 802.1EE via WAN


:D

[redqueen]

14. OR they could be a horndog for geeks (again, experience)...

so... that might not work either.

[SOteric]

4. You're looking at this all wrong.

Just like your knowledge got you free drinks and meals at the local hot spot, you could be getting free haircuts. 'Course it would help if the ignorant git didn't think an ipod shuffle was in the same family of work as a web-designing, graphics genius

[DS1]

9. ah! but there I was never asked directly

I saw someone needing help, and offered. Of course, being a bit mind-lubed at the time didn't hurt. ;-)

[lizziegrace]

6. So doctor...

My ancient Musetek scanner refuses to work with Vista. Why is that??

:P

[DS1]

7. reboot

[meegbear]

8. Dude! She's hitting on you!

Get in there!

[DS1]

11. Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full

[meegbear]

38. Bullocks!

Go for it, you studmuffin you.

[Tyler Durden]

13. So, LIE.

Tell her "Naw, I just push paper in the Sales Department. I don't know Word from Windows."

[Midlodemocrat]

16. You work with computers? I have a question for you.

:hide:


KIDDING!!!!!!

[supernova]

17. One of the reasons I don't really enjoy the salon

It takes about 2 hours to do my hair, and I detest having to make small talk with my stylist. She's a nice person, but I really don't feel like chatting when I'm being worked on. Same if I go get a massage.

I'm very sensitive and having my body tended to is very stimulating for me, to the point that I find it difficult to have energy to be tended to and talk at the same time.

[redqueen]

19. Chatty masseuses?

That seems odd...

(is masseuses the correct plural, I wonder... spellchecker didn't mind, so...)

[supernova]

25. Hee Hee

Some are some aren't.

I sometimes feel that about 90% on the planet are chattier than me. :D

[sniffa]

20. next time, say you're a marine bioLogist

it worked for costanza.

[DS1]

23. yeah, but that's Costanza

I'm short and nerdy, but not that much

[flvegan]

24. Yeah, 'til that whale beached itself.

At least he got the golfball out.

[Orrex]

21. I have two suggestions for you:

Barber: So, where do you work?

DS1: So, where do you work?

Barber: What? I work here.

DS1 What? I work here.

Barber: Are you trying to be funny?

DS1 Are you trying to be funny?

and so on...

or

Barber: So, where do you work?

DS1: Nowhere. I have no skills or talents whatsoever.

Barber: Come on. You must be good at something.

DS1: All I know how to do is make idiotic chit-chat about nothing. Maybe I should become a barber.

and so on...

Of course, either of these ploys might result in an unflattering haircut, but at least you won't likely have to endure much more conversation with the barber.

[DS1]

26. or stabbed in the neck

:scared:

[Orrex]

27. Either way, the conversation will be over

Mission accomplished, sez I!

[flvegan]

22. Tell 'em you're a case worker with PETA.

That shuts everyone up and will vastly speed up your haircut.

[DS1]

28. interesting

or the President of the American Trial Lawyers Union

[flvegan]

29. Jiminy, no! They'll assume you're a lawyer.

You think computer folks have it rough...

[gmoney]

30. I usually just close my eyes and look like I'm half asleep

tends to keep the chat to strictly haircut business

[Lethe]

31. i feel your pain, brother

but on the good side, i've made some extra cash because of it too.

edit: The one thing I hate is when someone has a technical problem and they ask you about it, and you say you have no idea what the solution is. Then they come back with some snide remark about how all that time spent getting a computer science degree was a waste, etc. As if it's my fault that I'm not intimately familar with every software package in the history of computing.

:spank:

[DS1]

32. as have I

yet, sometimes you just want a haircut, taxi ride, veterinarian visit and don't feel like exposing your whole life

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

33. And lawyers

I tell people I'm a lawyer and immediately it's "Oh, can you help me with my employment problem?" or "Oh, I'll call you next week about drafting my will" or "Oh, can you help me with my traffic ticket?" or "Oh, my son's friend's girlfriend's mother's brother's grandmother's dog's veterinarian got arrested for DUI - can you help?"

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

[JVS]

34. You should have asked if she had any sexy daughters

[lost-in-nj]

36. Next time

tell them your a
fluffer!!!!
that will really shut them up


:hide: :hide:


lost


:hi:

[SarahB]

37. I like to tell people I'm a gyn nurse.

If asked questions, they shut up when I answer them. (Nothing scares people more than talking about vaginas. :shrug:)