Dogs vs. cats

[SallyMander]

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe .... for now...

[Arkansas Granny]

1. A friend emailed this to me the other day. Hilarious and true!

:rofl:

[raccoon]

2. Thanks for posting this, and a good laugh. Some of the things the cat

recorded remind me of Jonathan Harker's journal in the first 5 chapters of the book DRACULA.

[Greylyn58]

3. "5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!"

My boy asked that I comfirm the 5pm listing. Milk Bones are indeed his favorite things. :evilgrin:

[SallyMander]

5. Awwww

he looks very intellectual! ;-)

[Inchworm]

4. LoL

Hilarious!

:rofl:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

6. You know, with the exception of the dog food, milk bones, and tail wagging...

That could be an excerpt from my diary.