I'm really not sure what I want to do with my future, but I don't think I want to be a consultant

[XemaSab]

Since graduating in 2003 with a bachelor's degree in soil science and a minor in watershed management, I've been working as a biologist for sundry environmental consulting firms.

Being a biologist, I go out and look at sites that some asshole developer is about to destroy, and I write environmental documents either saying it's okay or it's unacceptable. Then my bosses rewrite the documents and change all my conclusions. :P

I became a biologist by accident. I'm a decent birder, and that plus the soils means that I can do bird surveys or team with people for wetland delinations. I have to team with people for wetland delineations because I am deeply, deeply ignorant about plants.

There are things I really like about being a biologist, but there are also things that really suck about it, and I'm not sure how much of the sucky stuff is me and how much is just some of the situations I've been in.

The big thing that really sucks is how CLUELESS I feel most of the time. Like, totally clueless. Sitting there at my desk for DAYS and WEEKS just going "duh."

I had a long talk about it with my friend who works at the place I used to work at, and she said she feels clueless too.

Like, we're supposed to be the EXPERTS and still there's so much stuff I know nothing about. And even if I knew something about, say, salamanders, there's a limit to our knowledge about each site. There could be a salamander breeding site a half mile from the project site that I wouldn't know was there.

It all just seems so half-assed. And since WE'RE the people protecting the resources of the state of California from scum...

My friend suggested that the paradox of being a biological consultant is that if you feel clueless, you're doing a complete and ethical job. This may be the case, but I still feel shady about the job I've done at the end of the day. I don't think I've ever worked on a project where I thought I did an awesome job.

The regulatory parts of the job are, if anything, more confusing. There's so much stuff I'm hesistant to admit I don't know. Like, I've worked in environmental consulting for years, and I still just have the haziest idea about how a project gets started and goes through the channels to completion.

This may be because I've never had a good boss. My first boss was too busy to explain anything, and my second boss was the world's biggest moron. So I've never gotten any meaningful feedback on anything I've written. Ever.

Ultimately, part of what makes this whole feeling of cluelessness so profound is that I spent SEVEN YEARS in school learning all kinds of shit.

Climatology? Check. Soil Physics? Check. Organic Chemistry? Check. Geomorphology? Check. ALL KINDS OF SHIT.

Do I use ANYTHING I learned in school at work? Not really, no.

So I spend my days baffled, bored, and depressed. :(

Any thoughts?

[bridgit]

1. well, yes dear, but i have faith in you...

:hi:

[XemaSab]

2. lol

Thanks. :pals:

[MannyGoldstein]

3. Life's Too Short To Be Bored And Depressed

(Baffled can be amusing at times.)

In any case, I suspect that you're either at the wrong company, or the wrong job. Try switching the former - if that doesn't make you happy, peppy, and bursting with love, try the latter.

When you get it right, every day will be a fun adventure.

[XemaSab]

6. I'm actually between jobs right now

I have a temporary gig in a costume store, and so far it beats the shit out of consulting.

I've worked there two days, and about 5 times a day someone asks a question I don't know the answer to. I feel deeply clueless for about a minute, and then I get over it. :D

[tandot]

4. Can you work for a non-profit organization?

A research lab at an University? Or teaching at a college/junior college?

I'd hate to do my work and then have my boss "rewrite" to suit his needs or increase his income.

:hi:

[midnight armadillo]

5. join the club

I have a phd in physics, having done my work in biophysics and microscopy. I spend a good portion of each week somewhat mystified at what my co-workers (mostly chemists) are doing with their days. Right now I am writing someone else's semiannual report on their project (as a favor) and have no idea what I'm doing. If you want to see half-assed, try working in a company that lives off of DoD SBIR work...

It seems that the vast areas of unknowns are more in-your-face in ecology/environmental sciences than in some others. I've had that impression for years, and I don't envy you. Electrons are quite simple by comparison!

Drudgery and dreariness are a major part of science careers. They don't tell you that in the brochure. I have spent countless hours in pitch blackness alighning near-IR laser systems til I thought I was going blind, crawling around under 5000 lb optical tables repairing its supports (yeah, no worker's comp in grad school, eh?), doing plumbing, working for like 30 hours to manage to take data off of an instrument for 15 minutes, argh. You've had similar experiences if you're a scientist! However, there are times when I really am paid to sit around and think and work on really hard, really interesting stuff with smart co-workers, and that makes it worthwhile. Oh, that and the fat industry paycheck :)

You should trust that you're hired for this work because you really do know more than the employers. If you're sitting on your hands, spend the time learning about those wetland plants and salamanders so you feel more confident in the field work, or coming up with better ways to use GIS to account for land areas outside where you're surveying or something.

[XemaSab]

7. Good point.

:)

[Burma Jones]

8. There's always Academia

Go be a Professor........

[_testify_]

9. I can relate. Here's how I deal with it...

Up until just a few weeks ago I was the sole IT person for my company. I am responsible for the point-of-sale networks at 37 retail store locations spread out across the country, plus all of the software and hardware at our corporate office. I've been doing it for about 4 years.

I have ZERO training. I was the store manager at one of our locations and when the company made the move to a computerized POS system (we'd been running ancient cash registers before this) I jumped at the chance to do something else. Talk about feeling clueless! While computers and information systems come fairly naturally to me, it's not enough. I have learned so much just by doing and picking the brain of our software supplier's support team, but I'm aware how much I DON'T know, and sometimes I feel like a fraud because of that.

But here's what keeps me going. My bosses don't need a know-it-all. They just need a hard-worker that can give them answers when they have questions. If I don't know the answer, I find out. I do whatever research is necessary. I never bullshit them and I never lie about what I'm capable of, and they appreciate it. A good employee is one who anticipates what's expected of them, not necessarily the most skilled or the most knowledgeable.

I know I'm still the best person for this job.

[fed-up]

10. if you are bored help me with publicizing soil contamination issues from former meth labs

You may or may not know that I recently bought a home where the seller did not disclose that there had been a meth lab bust on the property.

The more I learn about this hazmat issue from hell, the more I realize that there needs to be a ton of public education about the contaminats that were never tested for that may remain in the soil.

The highly toxic chemical waste from cooking meth may be a hazard to present/future residents and the water table.

The 800 meth lab busts from the mid 1980's to present in my county alone (Butte County, CA) were for the most part, not red-tagged, nor tested, nor "professionally" cleaned up. So much for public/environmental health protecting us. I also have learned that professional testing/cleaning may totally miss any hot spots so the public is given false reassurance that a property is okay if "professionally" cleaned. Finding the hot spot from contamination is sort of like finding the needle in a hay stack.


I am awaiting a return call today from someone from the National Alliance for Model State Drug Laws (NAMSDL) to d


http://www.natlalliance.org/methconf.asp



Here is a fantastic article from South Carolina's newspaper, the authors sent me a snail mail hard copy-and the story is front page, above the fold, and laid out in a clear easy to read format, with bullet points along the right hand column. The web version does not do it justice.

http://www.thestate.com/news/story/182719.html

Posted on Tue, Sep. 25, 2007

SAVAGE METH | Day 3: Hidden time bombs
Poisons lurk as state does little to notify public, make toxic sites clean
By JOHN MONK and ADAM BEAM - [e-mail] [e-mail]


ABOUT THE SERIES
A three-part series on South Carolina’s war on meth
Day 1: Meet the man who unleashed meth on the Midlands. Online at thestate.com

Day 2: South Carolina does not monitor long-term health of children exposed to chemicals at meth labs.

Day 3: Is there a former meth lab in your neighborhood? Is it safe? Is there any way to know?



here are some of the bulleted points, at least my county narcotics task force has a list of meth lab busts and those busted from 2006 forward are red-tagged and a lien filed against the property owner so it comes up in a title search, they just are doing a very shitty job of notifying the public that they never cleaned up the 800 busts that were done prior to 2006-they mostly only removed chemicals and containers. CA is working on standards for what constitutes "clean":

from the article:

Unlike many other states, where environmental departments take a much more active role, DHEC:

• Doesn’t know where all the sites are; there is no formal communication about meth sites between DHEC and local sheriffs and police, who do know where the sites are

• Doesn’t warn the public even when it does know of a site

• Doesn’t clean up meth lab sites itself, nor does it hire specialists to clean up sites

• Does no site inspection after a site has been cleaned up by others; the state has no standard for what constitutes a “clean” site.

[XemaSab]

11. Interesting and scary

:scared:

[MorningGlow]

12. It's not you, XemaSab

It's Your First Job In Your Field, post-college.

I got a contract job in my field (writing) at the end of the summer after I graduated from college. It was at a local bank (this was 20 years ago, back when banks could still be local). They were transferring all their procedures to those newfangled computer thingies (mmm greenscreen) and I was part of the technical writing team that was supposed to go talk to the bank bigwigs (although we never could pin them down--they were always "soooo busy"), find out how a procedure worked, and write it up.

I had NO IDEA what I was doing and nobody would tell me how to conquer this beast (or tell any other writer either--it wasn't just me). I did my best, mind, but after I'd write up a section I'd give it back to the bank bigwig and they'd say "NO NO NO that isn't how it works AT ALL." Then some section would get to the computer programmers and they'd roll their eyes and say "Well, THAT'S USELESS."

After a few weeks of this I sat at my desk, doing as little work as possible, till I found another job. I ended up working retail (bookstore) part time and directing a middle-school play. I thoroughly enjoyed those jobs.

Anyway, it's part and parcel of "what They don't tell you about life after graduation"--ride it out, XemaSab. It gets better.

On edit: It's also the kind of experience that sends you scooting to grad school. Which I also did. :hi:

[XemaSab]

13. I'm not stoked on the idea of grad school

but I am stoked on my retail job.

I've never worked retail before, and it's super fun. It's at a costume store...

"If I was going to dress my toddler as a bee, do you have the antennae?"

"How do I create a really gnarly-looking flesh wound?"

"Do you have a Spiderman outfit?"

"I was invited to a 20's party. Do you have a wig that would work?"

I answered all these questions and more today.

I also discovered a Bob Dole mask on one of the shelves.

Good. Times. :D

[TZ]

14. Hmmph I went from Retail first to job with degree second...

Its natural to feel that you don't know shit in your first job out of school. I felt the same. There is also the possiblity of maybe trying to find something less constrictive as consulting and more hands on? Sounds like to me you would prefer that...Maybe you could get a job doing soil sample analysis? Testing can also be routine and boring but I find that doing assays and getting the data from it, is much more interesting than doing the regulatory side of things....

[NewHampster]

15. Definition of a consultant

Out of work expert.


sorry and hope you find your way.

[RiffRandell]

16. You voted for Nader in 1996, maybe even 2000.

You should be depressed. I voted for Clinton and Gore, and really do start locally and try to educate my ignorant neighbors and peers. Have done for awhile---and practice being green---not just tout some ideology.

[XemaSab]

17. Say WHAT?

:shrug:

[RiffRandell]

19. Iwhhhaaa--don't fucking whine when you voted for Nader.

How fucking stupid.

[Lethe]

18. that's the interesting thing about biology

It's the most vast branch of science there is. There is so much to know about so many things, it is impossible to be an expert on all of it.

[Perseid]

20. many years ago

I thought I was going to graduate with a BS in Computer Science. I changed my mind, and have spent the past 22 years working in social services jobs. I never regretted it, though it made me crazy at times.

Do what you feel in your heart is right for you, and hope for the best.