Bad joke Monday

[AllegroRondo]

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. The bartender immediately says "NO monkeys!"

The man says, "I really need a beer and a game of pool. I promise my monkey won't cause any problems! Please?"

The bartender reluctantly okays it. The man drinks his beer and plays a game of pool. When the pool game is over, the monkey eats the 8-ball and the bartender tosses them out.

Two weeks later the same man enters the bar with his monkey. "Out!" says the bartender.

"I promise you, my monkey has learned his lesson. He won't cause any more problems. It's been a rough two weeks, and I really need a beer!"

The bartender grumbles, but lets them in. The man sits down at the bar and sips his beer while the monkey sits beside him and picks up some nuts out of the bowl.

The monkey puts each nut up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender freaks out. "What in the hell is your monkey doing?"

The man replies, "Well, ever since the 8-ball incident, he measures everything before eating it."

[Deja Q]

1. You know, that Brazillion joke had more taste... and certainly

didn't leave a bitter taste in one's mouth after ingesting the joke...

:hide:

[AllegroRondo]

2. I didnt write this one, Im just repeating it.

[quip]

3. How many is a billardzillion? n/t

[Parche]

4. That Is A Crappy Joke

:shrug: :hi:

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. I think that people are just upset at themselves for having seen "Bad Joke"

but clicking and reading it anyway ;)

[edbermac]

6. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog. :7

[Bucky]

7. Guy walks into a bar. It's mostly empty. He says to the bartender, "How's business?"

Bartender goes, "It's pretty lousy. The bar next door has a stage act and they're drawing away all my customers."

Guy says, "Tell ya what. You give me a free pitcher of beer and I'll put on a show that's guaranteed to attract record crowds."

"Record crowds? What instrument do you play."

"I don't play any instruments."

"Well, what do you sing?"

"Oh, I don't sing, either."

"Do you at least dance?"

"Nope. My feet don't move once through my entire, fantastic, spellbinding performance."

"Let me get this straight," the bartender says with a sigh, "You don't sing, you don't dance, you don't play a musical instrument... but somehow you put on a show that's guaranteed to attract record crowds. Just what the heck do you do?"

"I can fart a rousing medley of John Philip Sousa patriotic songs that would make even Pavarotti cry," the guy replies.

"Well, I got to see this," the barkeep says, and so he pours the guy a pitcher of his best lager and the customer downs it and staggers up onto the stage.

When he gets up on the stage, the man calls the attention of the few remaining drunks in the bar and announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, for your listening pleasure, I will now fart for you the 'The Stars and Stripes Forever."

With that, he turns his back to the audience, drops trow, and proceeds to dump a huge shit on the stage.

In a panic the bartender runs up on stage shouting "STOP! STOP IT NOW! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

And the guy says, "Well, even Pavarotti's gotta clear his throat first."