hedgehog
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:28 PM
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Holiday Competitions - beyond the lawn display |
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I'll start - the person who strives to get the Thanksgiving turkey for the lowest price possible. It doesn't matter how it tastes, as long as it's cheap or free. Bonus points for using grocery store coupons for scoring two free turkeys.
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redqueen
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:29 PM
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1. Free makes it taste better! |
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Edited on Thu Nov-15-07 01:30 PM by redqueen
Jeez, don't you know anything? :P
Oh and I'm anti-competition. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. O8)
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Midlodemocrat
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:30 PM
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2. I always end up with a free turkey. Every year. |
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I give it away, though, because it's almost always too small for our family. So, it's kind of a win-win.
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hedgehog
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:34 PM
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3. How about first to get the Christmas cards out? |
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One person on our list always gets their's to us the day after Thanksgiving.
I'm always late, so our card doesn't make it onto my in-law's card display. Our card always ends up in the corner with the other bad cards.
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Midlodemocrat
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:37 PM
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5. Gah. If I get them out by New Year's I feel like I'm ahead. |
spinbaby
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:34 PM
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My father in-law always used to cook Christmas dinner and brag about how cheap he got the ham. "Can you believe I got this for only 59 cents a pound?" They were always dreadful hams.
And speaking of holiday competitions, I think it's time for the annual posting of Martha Stewart's holiday to-do list:
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3 Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7 Debug WindowsNT.
December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11 Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13 Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17 Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
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hedgehog
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Thu Nov-15-07 01:39 PM
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6. Some holiday advice for those with rug rats and/or a puppy: |
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Put the tree in the playpen or else on a raised plywood platform with a 2' edge. That way the little critters can look at it all they want, but they can't reach it.
The plywood platform only works if the kid can't climb yet. Curtain climbers and porch monkeys will be up and on that platform dropping ornaments on the floor faster than a cat on an unattended turkey.
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DU
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Thu May 02nd 2024, 12:16 PM
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