OK. I Am Aspiring Chef. How Do *I* Get A FoodTV Cooking Show?

[matcom]

some of these IDIOTS they trot out and give cooking shows to just boggle my mind!

i can cook 100 TIMES BETTER than the lady they just had on!

oooooooo she covered her strip-steaks in PEPPERCORNS!! WOW!!!!!! You mean actually putting cracked pepper on STEAK???? NEVER would have thought of THAT! :eyes:

and then? she cooked red potatoes and covered them with HERBS!!!

OMFG!!!!

of course the dumbass BOILED THEM!!! :puke:

not like MY herb/garlic/red pepper red bliss potatoes that are SAUTEED and finished off with Parmagiano Reggiano to form a lovely finishing crust!

BTW: tonights menu at Matcoms is a surf and turf - bacon wrapped filets with a homemade gorgonzola herbed butter and FRESH handmade Maryland Crab-Cakes!

BEAT THAT YOU AMATEUR HUSSIE!

[VelmaD]

1. I'm coming...

to your house for dinner. Sounds yummy. :-)

[sasquatch]

2. Stop showing buttcrack in your sig line might help

;)I don't know send in your resume` and a tape of what you can do. Maybe they will give you a show.

[CO Liberal]

3. It Involves Performing Immoral Acts With Emeril Lugase.....

...or the Iron Chef of your choice.

:-)

[VelmaD]

5. If I were you matcom...

I'd go with Iron Chef French Sakai. He just seems like he'd go a little easier on ya buddy. ;-)

Me personally though...I want Morimoto...hubbahubba

[Padraig18]

4. Public-access TV.

:)

[matcom]

6. any ideas?

i'm kind of serious here. who would i call? do i have to make a demo tape?

where might i do that?

[GOPisEvil]

7. Are you using my crab cake recipe??

I want royalties, dammit! :P

[matcom]

8. HELL NO!

i grew up in Maryland DAMMIT!!

they are the KING of CAKES! :D

[GOPisEvil]

9. Oh I forgot...I gave you my SALMON CAKE recipe.

HUGE difference! :P

Edit - which idiot chef was this, BTW?

[SOteric]

10. Pan-seared

Opakapaka with passionfruit sauce and fire-roasted red pepper gnocchi over artichokes barigoule.

Ultimately, it's not what you know it's who you know.

[GOPisEvil]

14. Or who you are related to.

See: DeLaurentiis, Giada.

But, of course, she can do very little wrong in my eyes. *swoon*

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

11. screw the right person

[SOteric]

12. (Or, - let Mrs. Matcom screw the right person) ;-)

[nostamj]

13. expose your right breast

work your URL into the nipple jewelry.

ta daa!

[CatWoman]

15. I'd watch your show Mat

only if you make Zomby and David your co-stars. :D

[GOPisEvil]

16. Molto M.A.T.C.O.M.!!!!

:D

[CatWoman]

18. will you guys hijack the spinach?

:wow:

[GOPisEvil]

19. We'll hijack Matt's tocque!

[CatWoman]

20. Bwahahahahahahaha

:thumbsup:

[ohiosmith]

17. Send me $1,000.00.

[Katarina]

21. And don't forget

those l-o-v-el-y fries she made. You know...the frozen ones she took out of the freezer! I would watch your show. That woman gets on my last nerve and usually when her show comes on, I change the channel but tonight I said the hell with it and left it on...and lived to regret it. 2 more shows that I have absolutely no tolerance for (not that anyone asked) 30 minute meals and how to boil water. Rachael Ray makes me run screaming from the room. I'm thinking they need to split the food channel into 2 channels. Those who cook and those who don't.

[trof]

22. Thanks, a**hole.

So now I've got an abcess and can't put in my partial upper plate and I'm on a liquid diet and you come up with this surf & turf shit.
Great.

OK, to have a cooking show you have to have an identifiable regional or ethnic accent.

If you pahk the cah at Hahvahd yahd you might have a shot.