*cough* May I moan and whine for a minute? *sniff* (bit of a feminist-woe rant)

[Pacifist Patriot]

In the last seven days I have conducted two rehearsals, officiated three weddings, written and delivered a sermon, made hospital visitation rounds, celebrated a holiday, hosted my in-laws for a week, undecorated the house for Christmas and bought a car. The latter being the most emotionally, psychologically and physically wrenching of the list.

I have had weird nasal congestion since Thanksgiving that escalated into a full-blown vicious cold right after Christmas. No biggie, one of life's minor annoyances, that's all. I know my body and as of two days ago I am convinced I now have a sinus infection. Again, no biggie. Modern medical science rendering this hardly life threatening though I don't think I'll have time to see a doctor until next Tuesday.

So why am I bitching?

No one gives a shit when it is a woman who is sick.

My in-laws have not met a newspaper they can forgo reading or a coffee cup that doesn't need filling. Yet no one else in this house can find the recycle bin or the dish washer??? Come on, my husband, their son, has lived here for exactly the same length of time I have. I know he knows where these things are.

I came back from six straight hours out of the house on Sunday to find that my husband couldn't even take two minutes out of visiting with his folks to bring in the laundry from the rain! He has never once come back from work with the house looking the way it did when I returned Sunday evening.

I am apparently the only one with the physical capability of getting our four year old to bed. Does this child just not sleep when I am out of town? Geez, maybe I'd like to sit down and watch the start of the Georgia game without a bunch of not so subtle instructions to go put the kid to bed while the rest of you settle down in front of the game.

Okay, here's the topper. My sister's mother-in-law just showed up at the door with my nephew because he wanted to play with his cousins for awhile. She is met at the door by a woman who is still in her pajamas at 10:30 in the morning with a bright red swollen nose and bleary eyes. I don't know about you, but my response would have been one of two things.

1. Sorry sweetie, your aunt isn't feeling well. Let's go back home.

or more likely

2. Oh honey, let me get the kids out of the house for you so you can go lie down for awhile. Get your shoes boys, we're all going back over to your cousin's house so mommy can get some rest.

Nope, the boys are here and sister's mother-in-law is getting some peace and quiet back at my sister's house.

What is with these women betraying the sisterhood? Methinks they were conditioned and socialized too well.

Pushover much? Anyone who knows me even slightly knows I am hardly the weak type. Strong and assertive scratch the surface. You'd think the ability to walk all over me would be a sign to those who know and love me best that I am NOT WELL!

I think my husband finally got it last night though. He didn't even dare get pissy about not having been laid in 2008 yet. I think he figured out that if he pulled that crap for the second night in a row he'd soon be feeling something worse than a sore swollen nose.

Thank you for letting me rant. Off to shower to go officiate another wedding. Tis the season!

[MissMillie]

1. I'll take the kids... you rest

that was very inconsiderate of her.

And yes, I have noticed that only people w/o a uterus are allowed to let an illness sideline them from the unpaid work.

[Gormy Cuss]

2. No excuse for your hubby's behavior.

The others, eh -- can't do much about their manners at this late date but you don't live with them.
Hope you feel better soon.

[lildreamer316]

3. ........

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[NewJeffCT]

4. Sorry for your troubles

Is it possible that sister-in-law thought you being in your pajamas at 10:30 AM is normal and didn't notice you were sick? I know my wife can sleep till noon on the weekends without any trouble.

and you have my sympathy on the clothes & dishwasher. My wife hasn't even gotten the concept of separating dark & light clothes yet, or unballing your socks after you take them off, or not putting a damp washcloth in the clothes basket. And, restacking/rearranging the dishwasher is a nightly job for me... and, I'm afraid my wife would have no idea about how to use a vacuum cleaner. (And, we've had several incidents where she's put dirty dishes into a just cleaned full dishwasher... It's gotten to the point where I actually put a "CLEAN" sign on the dishwasher if I start it in the morning before I leave for work, or at night before I go to bed)

But, with men, unless you specifically tell him to take in the laundry, it might not work. And, I don't mean, "While I'm gone, you might want to take in the laundry if it starts to rain," you really have to say, "take in the laundry if it starts to rain." and then call again to check that it gets done when it does start to rain.

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. My sister's mother-in-law has never seen me in my pajamas before and instantly...

uttered "Oh my goodness, are you sick?" To which I replied in the affirmative.

You are absolutely correct about specific orders. Men and children, not much difference there. ;)

[Arkansas Granny]

6. She knew you were sick and left the children anyway? That's

just downright inconsiderate.

Hope you get to feeling better.

:hug:

[NewJeffCT]

7. then

she should not have dumped her kids off with you if you were sick.

In my house, most people are afraid to call before noon on a weekend because they are afraid they might wake my wife up...though, she has been getting better because we have Chinese school on Sunday mornings.

[grace0418]

14. Totally inconsiderate!! Grr! But why agree to let the child stay?

Unfortunately, the more you let people walk all over you, the more they will do it. I learned this the hard way. Believe me, I *TOTALLY* sympathize with your rant (big :hug: from me). But if your sister's m-i-l wasn't going to be considerate enough to do the right thing, the best response would be "I'm sorry but I'm too sick to have company. Maybe if Johnny and Timmy want to play you could take Timmy with you and have him play at your house? Otherwise we'll have to reschedule because I'm just not feeling up to it (and I would hate to get anyone else sick)."

It sucks that people are so fucking clueless though. You shouldn't *have* to remind them how to behave but sadly, you do. :mad:

[Pacifist Patriot]

16. Besides being cloudy-headed and flabbergasted...

nephew playing with my kids actually keeps them occupied and out of my way.

[RadiationTherapy]

11. I, unfortunately, have to agree about the laundry in the rain thing

Many men and women I know just do not think of things like that, obvious as it may be to others. I also notice that, in couples and roommate situations, there is often a discrepancy between what is perceived as a 'clean' house and what is a 'dirty' house.

[NewJeffCT]

18. no, not really

my wife is just a bit on the lazy side when it comes to most housework. Not all, but most. she'll help to fold clothes after they're dried and she'll help wash dishes if she cooks... she'll clean like a fiend if we have company coming over, though.

my ex-wife, on the other hand, had no concept of housework whatsoever. I think she thought clothes would get magically washed, dried & folded, the dog would walk itself, the dishes cleaned & dried themselves, etc (our old house had no dishwasher, so my joke was that our model was the Jeff 31...)

[av8rdave]

8. That would be enough to make one feel taken for granted...so sorry

[The empressof all]

9. Been there done that

Sorry, but I think you probably know that you train people how to treat you. At some point you'll just need to buck up and say NO both to your husband and the family. It sucks to always feel like the responsible one.

I feel for you. :hug:

[Pacifist Patriot]

12. When I feel well enough to engage, you can bet they'll be hearing it.

[The empressof all]

15. Good For You

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

I had to actually go on strike of sorts when I was taken for granted. I finally just got "too busy" to go grocery shopping, do the laundry or cook full dinners" My SO learned pretty quickly that stuff didn't happen by "magic". It was a painful process for both of us as I was a "natural-care giver type" and it made me feel good to do everything. It wasn't healty for me and I know now that my establishing some boundaries, twenty years ago, saved my sanity and my marriage.

[Pacifist Patriot]

17. I think what has made this past week so startling is that my husband is usually...

quite helpful and happily splits household duties. I'll chalk it up to the distraction of his parents but will definitely take measures to make sure it doesn't happen when they are back in March. I imagine it's also because I was uncharacteristically busy for the past week as well as being sick. My work schedule isn't usually so packed so a whole bunch of things were out of alignment.

Oh well, enough wallowing. I'm going to go drag myself out from under this laptop, throw off these glorious warm covers and go shower and change. In my PJs at 12:30 p.m. *shudder*

[kwassa]

10. Why isn't your husband splitting household chores with you?

Why don't the in-laws help out, too? That is being a good guest, if you are going to be there for a week.

Taking care of a home takes lots of time, and it is up to whoever has more of it, at the time.

and this:
" My sister's mother-in-law just showed up at the door with my nephew because he wanted to play with his cousins for awhile."

uh, do people call first?

If I behaved like your husband, my ass would be handed to me on a platter.

[Pacifist Patriot]

13. Sister's MIL said she lost my number.

In-laws help to a certain extent, just not the way I need them to. Husband...in the doghouse. He'll get his ass handed to him when I have the strength to pick up the platter. He got a little taste of it last Monday. Got mad at me of course for being mad the house was a pit. Now that's something else someone needs to explain to me.

[Deep13]

19. Don't do it.

Don't fill the coffee, get the paper, entertain people who come over etc. etc. etc. The world will not end if the stuff you mention is neglected. Ultimately you can't make anyone help you, but you can stop yourself from working while you are sick.