To All Pets and their owners

[Jamastiene]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door -
pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are
yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain
my food. Please note, placing a
paw print in the middle of my plate
and food does not stake a claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor
do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by
NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not
the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you
can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a
king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will
continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and
cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no
secret exit from the bathroom. If
by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine,
meow, try to turn the knob or get
your paw under the edge and try to
pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the
bathroom for years --canine or
feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then
go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have
posted the following message on
our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like
to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it
"fur" niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I
like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To
me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy,
walks on all fours and doesn't
speak clearly.

[NMDemDist2]

1. haha

sent that one on.....

[Pool Hall Ace]

2. It's the truth alright.

[Iris]

3. for a moment there, I thought I had written this and

forgotten about it!

Esp. the part about not continuing to sleep on the couch. I thought I was the only one!

[OffWithTheirHeads]

4. Cute and true. nt

[applegrove]

5. I love that. LOL!

[stuntcat]

6. nice! I'm sending it to my peeps

:rofl: