How can you tell for sure if someone has multiple personalities?

[KurtNYC]

My current SO seems to shift into a whole different mode daily. Goes from personality #1 (loving, generous and little insecure) to personality #2 which is like some kind of emotional debt collector -- cataloging everything that has ever gone wrong, accusing, blaming and saying things like "you always _____" and "you never apologize or admit you're wrong"

I am thinking of naming the other personality just for my own sanity. The 2nd personality is often the way the day ends. Then in the morning personality #1 will call on the way to work and be totally mystified about why I am upset about things that were said the night before by personality #2.

Just an example: We were talking about ailing/dying parents last night. I mentioned that my grandfather passed away 2 years ago at the age of 99 and Personality #2 asked if he "died of syphilis" (!?). I said "you don't seem to have the same filters that other people do that keep them from saying horribly disturbing and insulting things about other people's beloved relatives."

But honestly I don't know if these are multiple personalities or just a bigger mood shift than I am used to seeing in other people. But I do know that it is making me crazy. Any thoughts?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. is s/he overly giving when you see her good side?

i have found that sometimes people like that feel like they deserve something back. and if they dont get it, they turn real mean.

[KurtNYC]

16. yes - what I call "generous" gets flipped around to

score keeping which gets Pers#2 saying things like "I gave neighbor X a gift worth $175 and she gave me cookies!"

I have told SO not to give gifts larger than the ones they expect from the other side -- partially because it can make the receiver uncomfortable. And if you are expecting equal value in return then it is not really a gift/generous.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. you are right. s/he needs to realize why s/he does what somethign

[KitchenWitch]

2. Try reading this link

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml

May not be DPD, my guess is it is more like Borderline Personalilty Disorder. Or possibly Narcissism.

[Writer]

3. That's exactly what I was thinking: Borderline.

OP - get the fuck out now! I'm not kidding.

:hug:

[HERVEPA]

8. Sorry Kitchenwitch (see below). Great minds think alike?

[KitchenWitch]

10. No need to apologize

:hi:

[supernova]

9. Yep, I was married to a Borderline

for nine years.

Get. Out. Now!!

[skater314159]

11. That is EXACTLY what I was thinking!

BPD is serious, and you should assess whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who has this disorder, and yet does not recieve treatment.

[KurtNYC]

25. much of that fits

extreme fear of abandonment, childhood trauma -- lost parents during childhood.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

4. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? AM I A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST?????

Hi Kurt. How are ya today? From what you're describing, it wouldn't seem like a dual personality, but merely rather a flaw within her otherwise endearing personality. She may not fully realize the insensitivity in which she's presenting, so always try and be open with communication in as accepting and non threating a way as possible, so that she may eventually try and start recognizing when it's occurring.

Hope you have a good day Kurt,

OMC

[skater314159]

15. I respectfully disagree.

ANYONE who has a real "endearing personality" WOULD NOT act like that. MPD or multi-personality disorder is very rare, statistically speaking, you're unlikely to run into someone with it... but that doesn't mean that you couldn't.

From what you said in your OP, her mood switches rapidly - that is not in like with how MPD works, but instead is a sign of a mood disorder such as BPD, Narcissism, or histrionic personality disorder.

Here are some links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_Personality_Disorder

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/goingcrazy.html (This page is titled "A Narcissist Can Make You Crazy" and is part of the Verbal Abuse Support Page... from what you said, this might help you some.

A REALLY good page on the kinds of "emotional vampires" can be found here. http://www.albernstein.com/id59.htm I think if you read that page, and review each of the five kinds of vampires, you should recognise your SO in one of them.

:grouphug: AS OTHERS AND I HAVE SAID THOUGH, IT WOULD BE BEST FOR YOU TO GET OUT BEFORE YOUR SO HURTS YOU EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY OR PHYSICALLY!:grouphug:

:loveya:

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

21. Responded To The Wrong Post, Didn'tcha :o)

[FloridaJudy]

27. That's what I was thinking

Either borderline or bipolar. This sort of behavior is typical of both (and there's a lot of overlap). It would be hard to make a diagnosis without knowing the person in question a lot better.

But I would agree, GET OUT! Now. Before you invest any more in this relationship.

This isn't going to get better without intensive therapy, and even with it there's no guarantee.

[Chovexani]

5. I doubt she's multiple

True multiplicity is extremely rare, and I tend to be skeptical of claims of multiplicity until proven otherwise.

At worst, she could be bipolar. But I think she just has mood swings and you're not used to dealing with someone with those kind of mood swings.

Edit: I won't get into it, but when you're dealing with a multiple, you'll KNOW it. I have a lot of experience with this.

[Gormy Cuss]

6. If it's making you "crazy," then you need to do something about it.

Whether that is to convince the SO to seek an evaluation or to break up with SO at least temporarily, I'm not in a position to say but please do something for the sake of your own well being.

[HERVEPA]

7. Check out "Borderline Personality Disorder"

It's a possibility. It's an established diagnosis. Not enough info in your post to tell.
Wikipedia link covers the basics well.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Good Luck, and proceed carefully in the relationship if it is BPD. It can be very debilitating for those around the BPD person.

[mitchum]

12. Put it to a vote

[LeftyFingerPop]

13. By getting a diagnosis from a qualified mental health professional instead...

of from non-professionals on a message board who express an opinion on this based on a few unilaterally typed paragraphs.

[skater314159]

23. No one on this thread said "diagnosis"...

... you're inserting things here that were not said.

The OP was merely asking for advise, and posters here have given advise - not a diagnosis. None of us have met with the SO, or done a psych workup on him/her... we are just giving advise to the OP. NONE of the responders have stated that their opinions were anything more than that... I understand what you are trying to say, but there is a more respectful way to have said it. Your response seems to discount what some have shared - and discounting individuals' personal experience can be a downer for the one who shared.

[LeftyFingerPop]

24. The OP asked "how can you tell for sure".

I answered the question.

We must be very careful expressing an opinion based on a few typed paragraphs from one party, and I would assume that a qualified professional would say the same thing.

It is a very slippery slope that most of the responders are standing on.

[BlueIris]

14. Dissociation is one explanation.

Only a (qualified) psychiatrist could tell (her) for sure. Sounds like you both need therapy, though.

[skater314159]

18. Yes, therapy is recommended...

...for your SO to help him/her to find out if this can be "fixed" through therapy or if other measures, such as medicines, are needed to help with the moods.

Also, I would recommend therapy for you, to help you work through what Personality #2 has said to you that has hurt you. You could also talk with the therapist about why you formed a relationship with this person, to make sure you don't have any unresolved issues and to protect you from it happening again.

Therapy doesn't have to be together though... you can go independent of your SO.

:hippie:
skater pi

[KurtNYC]

29. Thanks

I may indeed have some need-to-be-needed issues to work on.

[Midlodemocrat]

17. Have him/her go to a doctor for a complete workup.

You'd be surprised how many seemingly psychiatric issues are actually rooted in the physical.

[Adsos Letter]

19. ...are you speaking to me...?

...or me...?

...or me...?


Seriously...it could be a lot of things, and a counselor or medical professional is the one to speak to for your specific case.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.

[TrogL]

22. That doesn't sound like MPD/DID

She wouldn't remember the conversation at all or would be frightened of it occuring at all.

I agree with other posters. This sounds like either a manic swing or some sort of personality disorder that needs to be looked at.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Low blood sugar can do freaky things to a person's personality too...

as can allergies, lack of sleep, and probably a host of other things that a doctor would be aware of, and able to help resolve.

I'd recommend discussing this with your SO some morning, and avoid bringing your emotions into the conversation. It's important that your SO understand that you're primarily concerned about his/her health.

I hope you can work through this, and that you'll discover the solution is quite simple. :hug::hug::hug:

[Westegg]

28. Blackout drinkers can behave this way...

...In that alcohol can change their personalities drastically (and in some cases quite quickly), and yet they can continue to function normally and may not even appear classically "drunk" (slurring, etc.). Also, it CAN be the case that even small or "reasonable" amounts of booze can bring this on in some people. And the next day they'll have often forgotten what they did or said the night before.

You'd know if this was even remotely possible, KurtNYC. My only advice echoes that of many: Be wary.

[northzax]

30. well, basically

you have to autopsy their brains.

no wait, that's Rabies. but it's about as common in humans these days as real multiples.