i haven't really cried yet

[fizzgig]

there's been a few tears here and there, but i CAN'T cry, no matter how badly i want to. i feel so stopped up right now.

last night it felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest, it hurt so much. i wanted to rage at the universe, curse it. a family member decided to pull some unbelievably horrible shit last night and that had me seeing nothing but red for hours.

and most of my sorrow is for my dad right now, especially because of said family member. i could feel the pain radiating from him last night and i could do nothing to abate it. i feel so helpless and that, i think, is the worst part of this.

we leave in the morning. it's going to be an interesting trip

[VenusRising]

1. You will cry when you are ready.

Be gentle with yourself and others, right now.

People act very strangely in the wake of death, and many are not in reality, but stuck in their heads. Take care sweetie, and I wish you and your family peace during this time.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

10. thanks VR

i'm trying to be as compassionate and understanding as i can right now. the only person i am angry with is this particular person.

i don't know that what she did was out of grief, although i don't know what was in her mind. it was pure classlessness and she needlessly kicked my father when he was already down.

i'm trying to not use my energy for that anger right now, but it is really, really hard.

:hug:

[VenusRising]

18. I know that it hurts and that it is hard.

I offer my complete sympathy. We want to protect those we love especially when they are hurting. I am ferocious in times like that, so I understand.

I'm not even telling you what I think you should do, just giving you something to think about as I wish people would do with me. ;)

Whatever decision you make and whatever reaction you have will be out of love, so I don't see how it can possibly be wrong.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

24. the three of us are just going to take care of each other

and my grandmother would probably come back just to kick our asses if there was a scene ;)

[Deja Q]

2. You've got my thoughts, well wishes... prayers if so inclined...

:hug:

[fizzgig]

11. thanks hynpo

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

3. VR is right...

when you are ready.....


:hug:
safe trip


lost

[fizzgig]

12. thanks lost

it's just such a frustrating feeling

:hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

4. My thoughts, prayers, deepest sympathies and condolences go out to you and your family

:hug: :hug:

As VenusRising said, you'll cry when you are ready.

People have different ways of dealing with grief and loss and sometimes they do it in a way that we would prefer that they didn't:hug:

Just be there for your dad -as I know you will. I speak from personal experience when I say that you will both draw strength and comfort from the presence of one another during a time of loss. The fact that you are there for your father at this difficult time will mean a lot more to him than you'll probably ever know

I wish your family peace, comfort, strength and healing during this difficult time:hug: :hug: :hug:

PM me if you need to. I suffered a major personal loss in my family last year and I have some idea of what you are going through.

[fizzgig]

14. thank you

i just have to keep reminding myself that this is about taking care of each other.

you have been a wonderful help, thank you so very much

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

5. Shock...

your body and mind have a built in shock absorber called denial. Let yourself feel what you feel.

Anger is normal given the sitch

:hug: :hug: :hug:

be gentle to yourself as others have said upthread. You are worth it!

[fizzgig]

15. i am still in shock

i don't know so much about denial as it just hasn't sunk in yet

i'm trying to be good to myself

:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

6. I'm sorry sweetie.

I just buried my Nana this weekend. I've had a few tears get through, but I don't think it's really hit me yet.

My thoughts are with you.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

16. thanks sweetie

i hope you are doing as well as you can right now

:hug:

[Critters2]

7. You'll cry when you need to.

Our bodies and minds are very wise about these things. Just be kind to yourself, and know you have the sympathies and best wishes of many here--me included. :hug:

Take care of yourself.

[fizzgig]

19. thanks critters

:hug:

everything inside me is so mixed up right now. i know i'll cry when i'm ready, but part of me is ready and that makes it even worse, i guess.

[MonkeyFunk]

8. So sorry...

you don't "have" to feel or react any particular way. Don't put more pressure on yourself.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

20. thanks monkey

:hug:

i just think it would make me feel better

[MonkeyFunk]

28. Try to put it out of your mind

There are no "shoulds". You'll feel what you feel and react how you react - try not to concern yourself with what you should feel.

[KitchenWitch]

9. I am sorry.

I hate it when family members are dickheads during times of grief. Actually I hate it when they are dickheads anytime, but it is worse in times of grief.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

21. her behavior was beyond apalling

i can't even comprehend ever pulling something like that

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

13. Aww

You will cry... possibly when you least expect it... over - seemingly - nothing.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

23. that's how it usually is with me

i'll probably come apart when i can't find my favorite pair of underwear or something :D

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

27. Me too!

:hug:

[Parche]

17. sometimes

you can and sometimes you are too tired to.....:cry:

and sometimes out of the blue you..:cry:

its all life.....:hug: :hug: :hi:

[fizzgig]

25. this being human stuff is hard work sometimes

i do think a lot of it has to do with how tired i am

it'll come, i just hope i'm ready for it

:hug:

[Debi]

22. Just take your time

and deal with it as it comes to you.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

26. all i can do is roll with it

:hug:

[S n o w b a l l]

29. I'm so sorry kagehime...

I wish I had the words to comfort you. I've been through it and understand, but I'll just offer you my warmest thoughts and prayers to give you the strength to get through this and stick by one another through it all.

:hug:

[fizzgig]

30. thank you, engi

:hug:

[laylah]

33. Your tears will

come in their own time, baby. As for "the other family member", she isn't family, she would have NEVER insulted and hurt your Dad that way if she felt any connection whatsoever. She isn't worth you and Hana having more pain over (or your Dad, but that is a given). You know what I say is true. :loveya: It WILL be okay, it just doesn't feel that way right now.

I know Grandma Peanut's death was a kinda surprise, but we all knew she was sick. Grandma Reed, on the other hand, "did it self". She didn't want to worry anyone and having been such an independent, in control woman that she was most of her life, she did do it her way. She was a very private person, even Grandpa and her own kids never really knew who she was. She preferred it that way for whatever reason.

Your grief will show itself in its' time, not yours.

Don't forget to let me know when you all get in safely tomorrow. Take care of each other...we are all we have :loveya:

I love you, Sara.

edited to add clarification.

[AlCzervik]

31. I'm so sorry kagehime.

it'll come out, when my Granpa died a few years ago i had a similar experience and then the damn broke and my God i hadn't cried so much since my Mom died years before. Be well, try and breath deep and you'll get through.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

32. Kagehime

I'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

You know where to find me, anytime!

:hug: :loveya: