How do you feel about thank-you notes?

[Flaxbee]

I have a niece (I have lots of nieces: I have five sisters) who just recently got married. She was going to get married at the end of this year, then moved it up to Easter of this year, then last year in late October decided she wanted to be married on the day after Thanksgiving 2007. Whatever. Ended up that by making so many changes to the date, most of her aunts (my sisters, including me) couldn't attend.

So we sent $$ for the wedding (b/c niece's parent's had thought they had a year to save for flowers, photography, etc.), shower gifts, wedding gifts, and then for the newlyweds, Christmas presents.

And two months after, not a single thank you note, thank you email, nothing. No one, from friends to family, has received any sort of thanks. This is not for lack of reminding her about it on her mother's part, or lack of notecards (sent to her by another one of her aunts just to make it easier).

Now, we of course did not give to her event to receive thanks; we'd do it all over again in a flash because we love her. But it does irk me that she (and it seems many kids - she's only 20) really have no clue about some of the social skills that really do matter to a lot of people. If she can't be bothered to thank her friends and family (she doesn't even really remember who gave her what) then it would probably never dawn on her to send thank yous for job interviews, etc. - all the little follow up stuff that sometimes makes a real difference.

Anyway. What do you think? Thank you notes are outdated and I'm an old fart, or thank you notes are pretty easy to do and thoughtful and should continue to be taught as essential to good manners? And are good manners passe?

[Kajsa]

1. A 'Thank You' note is in order here.

Maybe I'm just an old fashioned old fart, but
it's a nice acknowledgment for the gift received.

[malta blue]

2. A personalized thank you note is required for such an

occasion.

I may be old-fashioned too, but I think a personalized thank you note is the way to go when someone gives you a gift. PERIOD.

My brother got married in May and in November, everyone received something that looked like a photo-card with a picture of the happy couple :puke: and it said "Thank you for sharing our day. Love X & Y"

Even Little MB, my 8 y/o, can write a better thank you note than that, and does so for each and every gift she receives - even Christmas gifts from her aunts and uncles. BTW - Little MB actually commented on the "note" from my brother by saying "Mommy, they didn't even say they liked my flower girl performance" :rofl:

You have every right to expect a thank you note, and you should be getting one pretty soon.

[raccoon]

3. They should write you a thank-you note.

If somebody can't be bothered to write a thank you note, then maybe the giver shouldn't put forth the effort and money for a gift.

[Lex]

4. Etiquette rules say she has up to a year to write the thank-you notes?

Or is it a year we get to send gifts after the wedding?

I forget.

I think in formal circumstances like a wedding thank-you notes are a must. Not so much for birthday or Christmas gifts (imho).

[azmouse]

7. What I've read online says by one month after the honeymoon

the thank you notes should be sent. People want to know if their gift has been received.

That seems a little rushed to me but it shouldn't take a year to send the notes.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. its not from my culture and i find thank you notes to be terribly cold and impersonal

i call my aunts when i get a gift from them.

[Parche]

6. Hey Flaxee

No more flights for her.....!!! :rofl:

That is not good manners on her part

I send out thank you cards most of the time,or at least an email, especially to my good
peoples who fly to 'Russia' !!!! :hug: :hug: :hi:

[applegrove]

8. I hated doing thank you notes as a kid so i expect nothing from my nieces and

nefews. I love to give presents and that is enough pleasure for me.

[madinmaryland]

9. My wife sent out thank you letters after our wedding.

I think it was within a couple of months that she did.

BTW, sorry about not sending you a thank you letter after you gave us Sonia. Though I may have made a comment on DU about it!

:hi:

[Flaxbee]

14. lol!

no thank you needed! You did a wonderful thing, giving her a good home.

I don't really expect one for 'regular' days, like birthdays or whatever. But my niece's family moved heaven and earth to get her a lovely wedding in less than three weeks, and it'd be nice to just have an acknowledgment of everything that was put into the event.

Christmas gifts, not so much. But we all spent a LOT of $$ we hadn't really budgeted for to give her a good day - I guess that's just what I'm looking for. That we turned ourselves inside out and gave money we didn't have so she could have a special day, and not a peep from her that she even realized what we'd done.

[LostinVA]

10. First off, let me get the popcorn out

Thank you notes were a major flamewar here in the past.

That being said, it took Haruka and I about three months to get them out after the wedding. Between getting married, moving into a new house, and both of us starting new jobs, things were pretty hectic. I think our wedding books said you should get the cards out within the first year. So, I definitely think you should get a thank you card, but I wouldn't get too upset about not getting one yet.

[Shakespeare]

11. Good post.

I agree completely. The thank you note is imperative, but give it a little more time before you give up on getting one.

[AwakeAtLast]

12. I 2nd that

They are entitled to a little more time.

[Flaxbee]

15. oops, missed that flame war...

I'll ask to have the thread locked if it gets nasty...

OK, good to know. Thanks ... and I guess I don't even give a shit if I get an official thank you card - I'm not interested in being totally formal about things - but I guess I'd just like even an email or phone call or freaking voice mail saying thanks. I know it isn't easy to find time to crank out a bunch of notes.

[KansDem]

13. When I was younger, I rarely sent out "thank-you" notes...

Preferring to call or say "thanks" when I saw the person next. However, having said that, I realize now I should have been sending out notes all along. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm older now and can see the value of such notes, but I only recently--in the last 15-20 years--send out notes. I wish I had been doing it all along, though.

[FloridaJudy]

16. It's common courtesy

If only to let the giver know you received it. I'm not such a stickler as to demand a hand-written note: an e-mail saying "Dear Aunt Judy, thanks so much for the Amazon certificate!" will do nicely.

My sister once sent me a hand made gift, and figured the reason I never thanked her was because I was absent minded or didn't like it, and she was too polite to ask which. In fact, I never even got it - it was lost in the mail. By the time we both realized that ("Oh, by the way: what did you think of the bobbin lace I sent you three years ago?"), it was far too late to try to trace it through the post office.

I'd still give the young couple another month or two, though. From the description of her wedding arrangements, it does sound as if the bride's a tad scatter-brained, but it could be that they've been too busy to get around to it yet. After that, a gentle "Did you get the card and money? Some times the mail is so unreliable!" would not be amiss.

[libodem]

17. It's nice to receive them

and a bitch to send them. I'm the worst, laziest, rotten, thank you note, sender. I sent them for wedding presents but I often ignored my mom and shirked my responsibility, as a kid. I got a nice thank you note from my nieces for sending them some X-mas money. I wish my skills were up to snuff for posting pictures and I'd show all of you. They are adopted from China and Kazakhstan.

[Bake]

18. Common courtesy/good manners are NEVER outdated!

That includes thank-you notes!

Bake