Only in America....these are good! check out #9

[Gin]

Only in America......can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America.......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America.......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America........do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first pl ace.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER


Why women can't put ! on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------

[elfwitch]

1. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Because all the swimming ones and the flying ones got off scott free.
Evil ducks and evil pilot fish said bugger you to Noah.

[onebigbadwulf]

2. Sounds like stuff you'd hear on jay leno

[ConcernedCanuk]

3. and... who's the mean sunofabitch that put an "s" in LISP !!!

.
.

[BlueJazz]

4. This one is close to my heart....

"Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?"

I've always wanted to ask a (so-Called) Psychic that if being able to see the future has any validity then why does the lottery "roll over" (nobody guesses the numbers) :)

[voice of reason]

5. I wish . . .

. . . a pizza would get to MY house faster than an ambulance!

v.o.r.

[beyurslf]

6. I don't know where you live

but the last time I ordered a pizza it took an hour and half. I could walk to hospital in that time.