Trying To Branch Out...

[SPKrazy]

One of the things that being separated has shown me is that people that were "our" friends, are no longer that. It's left me very lonely and longing for friendships. I have some and I feel sometimes like I over use them. I have internet friends and they are wonderful, but they aren't here.

So the longing, and the friends who weren't friends I guess is taking its toll on me.

One example is the church that we attended. Not one single person has called me or tried to seek me out to see if I was okay. Not even the priest. I am only bothered by one or two people there not seeing. Yes, the phone works both ways. Yes people may be uncomfortable calling me.

When I've gone back to that church to do things like watch my son sing, I got chilly responses from people. Or I felt that.

So I've tried going to some other churches. One problem for me, is I live in the heart of the bible belt and even the Methodists handle snakes here I think. :P

Seriously, I've tried a "contemporary" Methodist Church and found that it reminded me of a Southern Baptist church. No offense to Southern Baptists, but I was raised as a Presbyterian, and the church above referenced is an Episcopal one.

I guess I need to try to find a low key, church that I can go to.

No UU churches here or I'd be there.

I am interested in a cycling club, a reading club maybe, a hiking club, or some common interest club.

I'm open to suggestions from anyone here as to what I might do to branch out more.

I'm mostly an introvert, so I'm not going to be a social butterfly no matter what.

help...

:grouphug:

[Droopy]

1. You sound similar to me

I'm an introvert and I've tried the Christian acceptable way to meet new people and possible a mate. That hasn't worked. So I've ditched church (I never really was a believer anyway) and I'm going out on my own. I'm too old for the bar scene so I think I'm going to try an online match making service. What do you think?

[SPKrazy]

2. that is something i've looked at too

online services

I'm not sure about them... or which ones are real

and which ones are just excuses to send porn to your email

I've also hoped that branching out to common interest groups might be useful in that regard.

Craigslist, not so much :P

:hi:

[KitchenWitch]

13. Hey, where do I sign up for porn in my email?

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

14. it isn't difficult

go to any porn site and you can find it

mostly ads

not real porn

never real porn

:P

[KitchenWitch]

17. Well if it ain't real porn, I don't want it!

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

20. real porn

is easy to find

[supernova]

3. Have you tried meetup groups?

www.meetup.com to see what meetups are in your area. I've found several that interest me and I'm trying those out.

I recently left my old Presby church because I realized my life was simply taking me down a different road and I didn't have anything in common with the people there anymore. So, I'm trying to find new groups of people to be with who are more representative of the things inside me.

I want to try to find either a UU church or a Quaker meeting to go to.

[SPKrazy]

5. Thanks for the link

I checked it

Ron Paul
Mike Huckabee
a majick group
mother's groups

maybe i could start a group of something there

I'd love to find a UU church, there is one up the road, but I'd like to find something here.

Yeah, raised as a Presby myself, I understand the feeling.

:hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. SPK...

This is an excellent post, and I am going to try to be serious for once. :P

I find that when you are "trying" to branch out, it almost never works.

In my area of New York State, we have a lot of diners.

Just go to a diner every morning and have breakfast.

Sit at the counter if you can.

Pretty soon, the waitresses will start knowing you by name. Then, all of the regulars at the diner will start talking to you. Then, you will get to know their lives, and they will get to know yours.

Then, somebody will ask you to join them on whatever him/her and their friends have planned.

There is no organization involved, it is simply a matter of parking yourself on a stool and waiting for people to say good morning (or good evening) to you everyday.

Once you start talking to people...it is like a domino effect.

Really really thoughtful post SPK. :hi: :pals:

[SPKrazy]

6. Interesting thought... a diner

I also have some other ideas for places to meet people

:pals:

[pengillian101]

15. Good advice.

Becoming a "regular" by visting any local place for a month straight and it's the same thing. Local coffee shop, diner, gym, bookstore reading/book club meeting, political group, cooking class, church GROUP meeting or maybe bible study group, wine tastings, photography class and etc.

Meeting a stranger online is so very risky.

[SPKrazy]

16. have been there and done that

and found that it isn't as risky as you might imagine

it is however very hard to do, to maintain a relationship.

not for the faint hearted a friend told me once

she was right

[CorpGovActivist]

7. You. I like. A lot.

Though I tend to lurk in your threads.

My bad.

:hug:

INTJ.

[SPKrazy]

9. thanks

:hug:

do you hide in them too :P

[CorpGovActivist]

12. What's the diff?

:shrug:

[Robb]

8. It looks like you're thinking along the right lines

Start an activity that has a built-in subculture -- cycling, hiking, etc. I'm of course partial to trail motorcycles (which are a great new thing to learn to do, BTW), which has the added benefit of most of the time, no one's talking. :D

[SPKrazy]

10. no ones talking

hmmm...

might not be such a bad idea

:rofl:

[underpants]

11. Used to be a drinker did ya?

I get that too.

I don't know what it is something about being guarded or something. I have found that a lot of people are suspicious of things coming out of the blue. I mean by that that I moved to Richmond did my school bit here but always mostly dealt with my old friends an hour from here and my best buddy who is a bit distant now. Sad to say nothing personal he tells me but we have other lives now.

The subject line is just because I used to be quite the drinker but in the bar sit down bar world you learn to accept the new guy and understand a bit when the old ones go away.

I find that moving into worlds where everyone was always there or just waiting for a spot does come with some oh ...lack of trust. Maybe I see things better or have seen things worse and appreciate it.

I found really friendly types in the frisbee crowd and the running crowd-basically you have to be willing to horrendous amounts of pain and driving solitude followed by a keg of beer.


But they aren't going to knock on your door either.

[Zookeeper]

18. 'Sorry to hear about the chilly vibes you are getting from...

people at your old church. :(

But, the fact that you are motivated to post this thread and have tried out another church is a really healthy thing!

Some time ago, I mentioned a hiking/walking club to you, but couldn't remember the name. I just found it; it's called American Volkssport Association. It's part of a larger international organization and has a couple of clubs listed for Arkansas, although I don't know how close they are to you.

We have a few branches in MN, although I haven't checked them out. It sounds like a good way to get to know some new people since walking and talking go together so well.

Also, do you have a Barnes & Noble or Borders bookstore in your town? They sometimes have events that include discussion time.

How about volunteering? Anything where you can work side by side with other volunteers will give you the opportunity to meet and get to know new people.

I know you like biking...

http://www.arkansasbicycleclub.org/

http://www.bikearkansas.com/Clubs/clubs.html

http://www.cyclingarkansas.com/

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

21. thanks zookeeper

i'll check those out

:hug:

[puerco-bellies]

19. Do you have an interest you have never pursued?

Join a club, I joined a local rock and mineral club and met a lot of people. If Alison hadn't been in my life I could have gone out with several girls I've met there, and events of interest to club members.

I also took a class (Jewelry making) and it is filled with women, several seem interested in meeting single guys. I'm off the market, but it's obvious that the ponds are stocked. Check for classes or clubs that concern something that interests you. Good luck.

[SPKrazy]

22. thanks for the direction

good idea!

:hi: