Dogs and Cats

[NaturalHigh]

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

6:00 am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm -Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm -Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly
on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
contempt for their rations perfectly clear,
nevertheless I must eat something in order to keep up
my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is
my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them,
I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into
their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I
am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of
assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the
event. However, I could hear the noises and smell
the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I
was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate
one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as
he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am
convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies
and snitches. The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than
willing to return. He is obviously retarded.