What do you look for in a relationship

[SPKrazy]

?

:shrug:

I want someone I can be friends with, be a lover with, someone who listens, someone who shares their feelings with me, someone who has interests i do, someone who wants to be around me, someone who treats me like a fellow human. Someone who doesn't use me. Someone who is attractive to me and attracted to me.

What do you want from romantic involvement?

Just thinking out loud or on DU.

:hi:

[Bennyboy]

1. Yeah all that......

I have come close but not the whole package....

[SPKrazy]

2. Yeah...

I relate, well, I dunno if I relate.

I see these things I want. I'd take 65% of them to be good. I know I'm far from perfect.

meh, thanks for replying.

[LeftyMom]

3. Selachophobia

;)

[SPKrazy]

6. everyone out of the water!!!!!

[DarkTirade]

4. Obvious basics... it has to be someone who I can communicate with

I.E., someone who is of a similar level of intelligence, interests, ect. But not too similar, you have to find that good balance between things you have in common and things you don't so you have somewhere to go. You're not just running around in circles.

Obviously I have to be able to find this person attractive, but for me most of the attraction is in the personality anyway.

Really in a nutshell, it just has to be someone who is capable of being a friend, but wants to be a lover. :) Or maybe it's the other way around... never quite figured it out.

[SPKrazy]

9. i like that too

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

25. Oh, and I wouldn't complain if someone doesn't have a gag reflex.

Just sayin'. :shrug:

:P

[SPKrazy]

44. but then again

sometimes

wait not gonna go there :P

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

66. Fond memories...

crazy ex who I'll never get back together with... but still. Fond memories. :P

[SPKrazy]

70. OMG

:spray:

:P

[Zephyrbird]

77. Jesus H. Christ in a cab, DarkTirade!

Yer killin' me! :spank:

And you know, a guy who can tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue wouldn't be bad either. :9



Zephyr

[DarkTirade]

80. Agility is useless without knowing where, how and when to move.

... of course, this is coming from a guy who usually just resorts to the alphabet trick. :P

[Zephyrbird]

86. Yer STILL killin' me! n/t

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

87. Yeah, I think I've heard that a time or two when... umm...

yeah, I'll stop talking before I get this thread locked. O8)

[Political Heretic]

5. I have a hard time looking for a relationship at all.

But, I guess if I were to think about what kind of a qualities a person might need to have to allow me to effectively give and receive in the relationship, those would be...

...the ability to inspire, excite me beyond my normal limits
...bohemian enthusiasm - a zest and active passion for the intellectual, cultural and artistic
...someone who really enjoys curious conversation, about even the little things, rather than finding it tiresome or tedious
...a passion for social and economic justice
...a desire for or enjoyment of just "being" with each other. In other words, my favorite relational memories are not "out" somewhere "doing" something big. They are days where I and someone I cared about curled up on the couch, watched movies and talked the day away. I want someone who enjoys just sharing space together in all the little things and doesn't always want to "fill" that space with some social activity. I'm not anti-social, but I crave those kinds of times as much or more.

[SPKrazy]

8. i'm with you

good thoughts

[Darth_Kitten]

16. I like that expression "bohemian enthusiasm"

:)

[zingaro]

33. I hope you don't mind but

I think I'm adopting your list as my future "must have" list.

My current marriage is quite literally the antithesis of each point you've made and it's heartbreaking. But that list rocks and I am going to engrave it upon my Future so the Universe knows what to deliver me. ;)

Excellent, btw, and thanks for sharing it.

[SPKrazy]

38. I Will Hope And Send Prayers That Your Future Universe Brings You Happiness

because you rock Zingy,

:hug:

:loveya:

[zingaro]

41. aw stop

You're gonna make me get all weepy.

You know I do the same for you, my sweet friend. All the time. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

46. awww...

:hug:

sniffle... :hug:

[harmonicon]

7. in my relationship...

...I look around to see if the lady is still there *sigh*

I don't know, really. With my gf, what's really most important to me is that she understands my work (I'm a composer of strange music) on a professional level, and is able to discuss it (she's a fellow musician) in an intelligent manner. Maybe for people who don't work in weird specialized areas it's not the same.

I think all of those things you listed are things one should look for, but who knows what you'll get... maybe you could get all of those things, but still not be in love. Love is a funny thing, and it's worth putting up with/coming to terms with certain things that we wouldn't if it weren't for love. How to fall in love with someone will probably always be a mystery.

What do I want from romantic involvement? Lord knows.... of all of the women (very few) that I've been involved with in my adult life, there have been things about them and our relationships that were unique and that I value. *shrug* I guess I just don't know.

[SPKrazy]

10. i gotcha on that

i do know what you are saying completely

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. My dear Southpawkicker...

I want all those things you've listed too...

And I have them with my husband...

There has to be respect as the basis of any relationship if you want it to grow and be meaningful...

Respect is the true basis of love, IMHO...

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

12. respect and understanding

indeed

i agree

:hug:

:hi:

[Kat45]

13. My ideal relationship would be a man who

I would connect with physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
A man who would be my lover and my best friend.

Haven't found it yet. In my current relationship, I have 2 out of 4 in my first sentence, and 1 out of 2 in the second. :shrug:

[SPKrazy]

14. do we get to guess which ones?

I say physically and intellectually in the first

and lover in the second

:shrug:

[Kat45]

26. Wow! You're good!

You nailed it. :-)

[SPKrazy]

43. I think I'm good :P

and damned lucky guesser :rofl:

[Darth_Kitten]

15. Someone who can care for me yet give me my space.......

Someone funny, serious, intelligent.....with a fundamental good nature. :)

Chemistry has to be there....I don't have an "image" of what an attractive man is in my mind, but if he comes around, I will know. :D

[SPKrazy]

21. I know what you mean sort of

There is no stereotypical person that I would be attracted to.

Your description is good, sounds just like me :D

seriously, I agree with what your description is, and it is the same for me too... funny but serious when needed. Intelligent, and generally easy to get along with but not a pushover.

Chemistry is an interesting thing...

never know what will make that chemistry go, yanno?

I don't and have been surprised before.

[Darth_Kitten]

47. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised........

someday soon. :) Here's hoping same for you. :toast:

Yes, that elusive and mysterious chemistry. :D

[SPKrazy]

50. cheers to you too!

:toast:

elusive chemistry

:D

[NewJeffCT]

17. big hooters!

just kidding. somebody that is outgoing, fun to be around, dislikes Republicans, and is intelligent, but dumb enough to get into a relationship with me.

[SPKrazy]

20. Oh come on

they don't have to be that dumb, er I mean, that's not dumb... :P

:hi:

[NMDemDist2]

18. trust

I have to be able to trust who they are and that they will continue to follow their basic natures and someone who I can trust to be honest with me and gentle with me when I follow my basic nature.

there's lots of other things that make relationships good, such as the ones you noted above, but it someone makes me laugh and I can trust them, the chances go up from there.

[SPKrazy]

19. trust and humor

good ones indeed

:hi:

[Forkboy]

22. Nothing anymore.

[Shine]

23. I want all the same things you do, darlin'

some other thoughts:
good sexual chemistry is key
a fantastic kisser
great sense of humor
patience
kindness
compassion
optimism
integrity
lots and lots of Freedom to take time away alone sometimes
the desire for creating a loving foundation of Family and Community
a powerful communicator



I got lucky with MrShine....we celebrate 15 yrs of marriage this coming June. :loveya:

:hi: :hug:

on edit: I added more things to the list. :D

[SPKrazy]

37. I'm so glad for you two!

keep it working

and it will work

:hug:

great list

I'm bookmarking this thread for future reference, or making a grand list

[Shine]

40. ya know, the list thing is seriously a good idea

my dad, who is a therapist, has often said that one of the things that will keep you from getting what you want is not KNOWING what you want. :thumbsup:

Lists are a great way to get clear on what you are wanting to ATTRACT into your life.

MrShine had quite a list when we first started dating. He told me all about it during one of our earlier dates. Fortunately, I hit pretty much everything on his list. :D

Good thing. Lucky for me....and lucky for him, too.

[SPKrazy]

48. magnets attract

something to knowing what you want, and don't want I think

yeah

my therapist actually asked me to make a list of what I want in a relationship

So I'm getting help here :D

:hug:

thanks

[GOPisEvil]

24. That's a good list.

I am so thankful I found someone like that. :)

[SPKrazy]

49. I'm glad for you two

:hi:

really that is awesome

[DainBramaged]

27. A warm body

[SPKrazy]

51. they are better warm

:crazy:

[supernova]

28. Similar to your list and

kindness, patience, a sense of humor

Also a sense of purpose in life and knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin.

And of course must be liberal. :-)

[SPKrazy]

52. Awesome...

when can I pick you up?

:hi:

not so sure about my own skin though, working on it :D

good additions

:hug:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

29. A pulse and no recent felony convictions.

At my age I can't afford to be too choosy.

[SPKrazy]

53. oh that's good

how recent is recent?

:shrug:

:spray:

[alarimer]

30. geographic compatibility

and most of their teeth.

Hey, I have standards.

They may be low but at least I have them.

[SPKrazy]

54. "most" of their teeth

:rofl:

I love it

[RetroLounge]

31. A local Zip Code is always good...

But since my list was filled by someone 5 states away, I make do...

Honest.
Intelligent.
Progressive.
Creative.
Funny.
Gorgeous inside and out.
Great Kisser.
Sexual Chemistry.
Caring, loving.
Independent, not codependent.
No 'isms, major issues, mental health red flags, personality disorders, urge to boil my bunny, or stalking tendencies.
Likes kids.

So we see each other only occasionally. I can live with that.

RL

[SPKrazy]

36. LOL no urges to boil ur bunny

always a good sign!

I say you got a good list to work off.

yeah, distance is hard to work with

:hi:

[lizziegrace]

81. Delete - wrong place

[triguy46]

32. Someone who shares my interests and ideas of fun...

like my wife of 31 years, here on a big climb on our across England bike ride.

[SPKrazy]

55. That is awesome Triguy

:pals:

really is

[triguy46]

61. Thanks. Sending best wishes down the FS way.

[Bucky]

34. The ability to hover

Oh, some people claim I'm being too picky. But when I meet the right girl, a gal who can levitate in apparent defiance of gravity, there won't be any question in my mind. This, this, will the woman of my dreams.

Actually, in my dreams it's usually me who's hovering. Except the ones where I wake up naked on a roller coaster and I have to figure out a way to sneak out of Six Flags naked and make it home.

[SPKrazy]

56. don't ya hate that

nekkid on a roller coaster :rofl:

[Pacifist Patriot]

35. My fantasy of what life with Enrique Iglesias would be like.

Reality be damned.

[SPKrazy]

57. dare to dream

no one made dreams reality without the dream first

[Bushwick Bill]

39. Haha...

big tits, small waist, likes football, can cook, gives great BJs, etc., etc.

No, honestly, I need a smart woman next to me. I only have to be mildly physically attracted to the person. So long as we are in the ballpark on the things we enjoy. I could even deal with a freeper if she is smart and can back up her shit intellectually.

Who the hell knows? I am 34 and still single.

Your thread starter is one of the great questions hanging over humanity.

[SPKrazy]

58. a freeper if she is smart and can back up her shit intellectually

yeah, i get that

i could maybe do that, but would have to exclude those who were too freeped out

[Zephyrbird]

71. Dude, isn't that an oxymoron????

"I could even deal with a freeper if she is smart and can back up her shit intellectually. "

hmmm.........I gotta think on that...

Zeph

:D

[Pacifist Patriot]

42. I'm so sorry I was flippant.

Romantic involvement would be what I got. And I know I am extremely lucky.

Someone who accepts for who I am and not what he wants me to be. Someone who listens (and when I remind him he's tuning me out doesn't get defensive). Someone who wants to be around me and finds me sexy (despite my desire for breast lift and thigh sculpting surgery). Someone who thinks I'm sexy whether I am wearing a full-length emerald green silk night gown, a cheerleader costume from Frederick's of Hollywood or flannel pajamas.

Someone who values my opinion and thinks I'm:

cute
competent
attractive
sweet say
smart

Wants to bring me yellow roses or tulips of any color even though society says red roses mean love.

What do I want from romantic involvement? A man (sorry, I'm Kinsey scale 1), who has decided I am what he needs and wants for sexual gratification and psychological fulfillment.

[SPKrazy]

60. good list

:hi:

[Inchworm]

45. I was informed the other day that I'm an ass man

:rofl:

I agree, but I really like it all. I start on the inside then spread outward to ass. Wow, I was being figurative and am not editing due to the potential for smiles.

I like brains and passion. I lucked out.

:hi:

[SPKrazy]

62. brains and passion

oh my yes

brains and passion sexy as hell

[Generic Brad]

59. I'm not in the market

I already found what you sound like you're looking for.

[SPKrazy]

63. you lucky dog!

or monkey

:P

:hi:

[Generic Brad]

65. Old fat guy

I'm a lucky old fat guy.

[Breeze54]

64. A great sense of Humor, sex, humor (lol!), $, sex, ....

Intelligence but that goes back to having a sense of humor. ;)

[SPKrazy]

68. i'm kinda with you on the humor, sex, humor :D

:rofl:

;)

[Zephyrbird]

67. Well, I agree with just about everything in your post.

I'm puzzling about the "attractive to me and attracted to me." I don't know what to think about that. But I REALLY like the "...treats me like a fellow human." Man, most people wouldn't even understand what that means.

I don't know about attraction other than we sort of sniff each others' pheromones and get somehow turned on. SNARF! I know more about the scientific aspect of it than I do emotional! Ah well, leave it to an Aquarian to objectify an emotion.

:D

I'm 52 now and what used to turn me on when I was younger no longer works. Let me give a couple examples. I read some really thoughtful posts here by our DU dudes. I run across some brutally self-honest posts and it really turns me on mentally (Aquarius again, sigh) and is very attractive to me. I've read some by you, SPK, that made me go "rowwwwrrrr." :loveya:

The other day I was in one of my favorite bead-selling stores. There is a rough-looking, teddy-bear body type, tattoos everywhere, Harley Davidson wearing guy I often see buying stones and beads. I asked him if he does jewelry, and he blushed and said, "Yeah, I'm pretty addicted." Now we both laughed but if he only knew how sexy that admission was! Man, he turned me on! (Moon in Cancer, Venus in Pisces, love that artistic rough guy).

But I remain serially single. I don't even look now. While I'm talented (yeesh...modest, too), smart as a whip, monetarily able to support myself, ever looking to accumulate knowledge about nature, and don't want or need to have somebody spend money on me, I don't look because in this society how you look determines how you are treated. I've found that happens even with male friends. It's dishonest and degrading and I refuse to submit myself to it to look for something I know won't exist for me this time around.

Why did I even post this?? I don't know, except I find it so hard to believe you can't find someone to love you. If you are having trouble, WTF chance do the rest of us have??

Gimme a hug, I'm your buddy!


:hug:

Zeph

p.s. Man, I'd love to find an organic, heirloom growing farmer with a lot of land! Guess I haven't given up after all! hee hee.

[SPKrazy]

69. Rowwwrrr!!!!

:hug:

thanks

you made my moment!

:hi:

I'm retooling I guess... :shrug:

rethinking what it is that I want so I know what to look for.

Then again, maybe I also need to just be fine alone too.

[Breeze54]

73. Humans were meant to be together.

I hope you find someone.

We all need companionship and love and :hug: and caring from another human being.

[Zephyrbird]

74. Naaaahhhh!

Listen, one of my best friends is a guy who is also serially single. He DOES treat me like a human being, but I know him very very well, and you just don't fit the bill of a serially single kind of guy.

You should hear us go at the whole "mating" thing. Very funny! He's brutally honest and we bray like donkeys when we get on this subject. It's nice to be able to say anything we want without gender getting in the way.

You need lovin' SPK! But I'm not one to blow sunshine up anybody's ass. It's damn hard to find, but if you want it keep looking. Never compromise.

........and by the way, what the hell went wrong with your tool that you need to redo it??!!

:rofl:

Zephyr :pals:

[SPKrazy]

75. uhm...

:blush: i meant retool my ideas about relationships :P

I think my tool is doing all right :D

:rofl:

:hug:

[Zephyrbird]

78. Oh dear, dirty minds at work.

It's DarkTirade's fault!!

SNAAAAAAAARF!! :spank:

Zephyr

[SPKrazy]

79. he he

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

109. I'm glad I could help.

:evilgrin:

[Breeze54]

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[Danger Mouse]

76. This is what I look for in a relationship...

[DarkTirade]

106. You look for a good way to score brownie points?

:P

[lizziegrace]

82. My list

Honest.
Intelligent.
Progressive.
Creative.
Funny.
Gorgeous inside and handsome outside that even a few years cannot hide.
Great Kisser.
Sexual Chemistry.
Caring, loving.
Independent, not codependent
Monogamous (when your ex had an affair, this is a deal-breaker)
Compassionate
Empathetic
Helps the other succeed and vice-versa
A harbor, a safe place to go when the world gets to be too much
Someone who appreciates what they have.
A contemporary.
Someone I can talk to about anything - for hours...

[FuzzySlippers]

83. A guy who's about 6'3'' and has really good hair.

:hi:

[NNadir]

84. About 25 years of constant support and friendship.

Come to think of it, that's exactly what I've had for the last 24 years.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

85. My best friend.

No point having a relationship with anyone much less than that, eh?

:shrug:

[hisownpetard]

88. My non-list:

- Hair
- Teeth
- Someone to whom "Dinner and a movie" does not mean KFC and a quick run to "XXXVideo Store."
- Someone who's a non-Republican (non-negotiable)
- Someone who can't dance, doesn't want me to play golf, doesn't talk during the crucial scene in a movie,
doesn't chew with his mouth open or sneeze without covering his nose
- Someone who wouldn't dream of using the phrase, "The glass is...(either half-empty OR half-full)"
- Someone who doesn't expect me to have a conversation before I've had my first cup of coffee

HOWEVER: All of the above* can and will be waived, for the wonderful man who can make me laugh.


*Except for being non-Republican

[Breeze54]

89. Just breathing would be nice at this point!

:P

[hisownpetard]

92. Breathing's good.

[Breeze54]

95. Especially for me! LOL!

But if he's breathing, that's a plus! :P

[hisownpetard]

96. Yeah. I try not to put too many restrictions out there - don't want to limit my options.

[Zephyrbird]

90. BWAHAHAHAHA!!

"Someone to whom "Dinner and a movie" does not mean KFC and a quick run to "XXXVideo Store."

:spray:

Well, I see we've met the same guy....man, he gets around, don't he?!

Zephyr

:rofl:

[hisownpetard]

93. That's Match.com for ya!

(Really).

[Breeze54]

98. Match.com sucks. 'Democratic Match' is much better focused.

It weeds out the rethugs and they have scruples! ;)

http://democraticsingles.net/

[SPKrazy]

110. ...

there's like one person within 50 miles of here and they haven't logged on in 6 months :(

but mebbe who knows :rofl:

[Zephyrbird]

101. ACK!!!

Gods help us! Dating has not improved in 30 years, except to make it easier to run into assbutts on line instead of in the bar!!

Yeesh! :puke:

Zephyr

[SPKrazy]

111. at least online assbutts

aren't in your face the next morning unless you meet them for real :rofl: :P

[Zephyrbird]

113. Hey, that's true!

I knew somebody could find a bright spot in that. :toast:

I met one once, tho. Holy crap on a piece of toast, we met because we were driving together to meet other friends in Wisconsin. That's a four hour drive through Chicago on a good weekend, 6 on a bad.

Man, it was awkward all the way there and back. eeesh!!

So I'll ask this question: Why are we all so getting along and lovin' each other online, but then we meet in person and it all goes out the window.

Do societal standards of beauty get in the way? Is the mental meeting of the minds so false that it falls apart when people meet eye to eye??? Do we look each other over when we meet and say, "shit, I'd NEVER f**k this person?" so we can't even be friends?

Are we all really that shallow?

See, these are the things I struggle with. I can look at a guy and see it right off the bat, and I want to say, "listen, dude, I don't want to f**k you either, so stop looking at me that way!"

:shrug: :shrug: :shrug:

Liberals are, IMO, just as guilty of this as any other portion of the population, but it makes for a bitter pill because we're supposed to be above it. And it's not just the men, either.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know where to find guys that like big women (whistles innocently while batting eyes), but it's so tedious to try to find somebody physically AND mentally compatible. Phish!!

I have a funny story to tell you just to make you laugh. My sister dates online, and a year or so ago found a guy who's pretty decent, although she's gone over to the dark side and he's a repooplican. I know she's pretty serious about him because he was there for Christmas Eve and Christmas Dinner last year. Oh yeah, he started shootin' his mouth about "Hellery" and well, you can imagine what he said about Obama. Jackie had to tell him to shut up finally--we were trying to be nice for the holidays and all that.

My niece received a Wii player for Christmas. She opened it Christmas Eve so we could all play it. AND WE BEAT the livin' crap out of him in boxing, tennis and golf. He thought we'd be such a bunch of "democrap" pansies! After I whooped him in boxing and called him Huckleberry, he quit!

So I said, a la Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith: "Who's your daddy now, huh?"

Republican pantywaist!! Jeeeeeeeeezus, was he mad!! BWAHAHAHAHA!

See? I knew I could make you laugh.

Zephyr

:pals:

[DarkTirade]

108. What about somebody who's missing two teeth?

:shrug:

Not that I'm puttin' myself out there, I'm just sayin'... :P

[hisownpetard]

112. The front two?

Nahh, think I'll pass.

[Bennyboy]

91. First I look at the Purse!

J/K!

[Breeze54]

99. lmao!

:P

[AlCzervik]

94. Humor is a must, that was the first thing that really attracted me to my husband

plus he's just a really wonderful person, he's always respected my opinion even when it's way different than his on any particular subject and he's not needy and he is a wonderful Dad, just really top notch in my book.

we have our own language pretty much and there are times i can just look at him and know what he's going say or what he's thinking. I have nothing but huge love and respect for him for he is imho a truly wonderful person. Gawd i sound like i'm gushing, maybe i am a little but after almost 21 years together i cannot imagine not having him to talk to.

[hisownpetard]

97. My God, that's wonderful. Do you know how lucky you (both) are?

Sounds like you do!!

:toast:

[AlCzervik]

100. i hope he feels the same way and thanks, i'm hella lucky and i never take it for granted.

:hi:

[hisownpetard]

102. Well, that's probably the reason it's stayed so new, and so good.

Good for you!!
It makes me happy to know that it's possible.

[Breeze54]

103. My husband and I were "the couple" that would always stay together

and we had a similar relationship, as yours, until he discovered Cocaine. :(

Then it all went to shit... the laughter died. :(

I'm happy for you. Congrats on 21 years! :toast:

We almost made it to ten....

[AlCzervik]

104. i'm sorry breeze, that is really tough.

:hug:

[Fox Mulder]

105. Just someone who I can be myself around.

That's what counts the most, I think. :shrug:

[DarkTirade]

107. I treat everyone that way.

So then I only end up being around people who like me for who I am. :P