If you knew you didn't live up to a potential partners ideals

[lost-in-nj]

because they told you what they need and expected
or they told someone else and you found out.... would you bother???

would you try to convince them you are enough???
would you change for them???

me???


NO
NO
NO



lost

I am
what I am

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Change? Heck no. But be realistic, yeah. I mean honestly If I could

describe my "perfect" man he would have some things in common with my hubby, but he would not actually _be_ my hubby just cuz he's not perfect. (Although I admit that it might have been easier to have married someone on the left side of the religious and political line. :) )

[lost-in-nj]

6. it sounds like your ok with your hubby!! yeah!!!!!!!!1

but you didn't change and I will bet he didn't


GPV there is NO SUCH thing as a perfect partner

man or woman....

and I think we all know that......

I am happy for you!!!!!!!!!

many years together!!!!

lost

:hi:

[GreenPartyVoter]

25. Actually we have changed over the years.. mellowed out and grown up a lot (Keep in

mind that we have been together since were 15. Heaven help the world if we hadn't changed at least a little! :rofl:)

..... Although, that said I wouldn't mind having that teenage body again *g*

[CreekDog]

2. of course i want to marry better than i deserve

and what woman doesn't want a guy that tries to improve himself for her? not that she can't love him the way he is, but that he would try to be a better person because she deserves it.

yup.

[lost-in-nj]

7. improving.. once you are a couple is an awesome

concept
we work together to make our union better.......

me for you

you for me

I agree

and CreekDog

they will be marrying better than they deserve ok????

your awesome!!!!


lost

[qb]

3. Be true to yourself.

If the potential partner won't accept you the way you are then that person is not living up to your ideals. You should make that clear.

[lost-in-nj]

8. thanks

this is the best answer



thanks



lost

they loved me then

love me now

[LeftyMom]

4. Then they can deal or go fuck themselves.

The only conscience I'm willing to obey is my own.

[lost-in-nj]

9. ..

:hug:

I agree

thanks


lost

mine is clear!!!!

[SPKrazy]

5. I don't think I've ever asked a potential partner to change for me

If I love someone, I may get frustrated about things, and I may talk about things trying to work it out in my head.

However, love to me, means that I love that person and accept them for them, not for who they could be if ___________

that's how I see it anyway.

[lost-in-nj]

11. but you

have an ideal

I can't find the link because the search option is off......

I could never be your ideal.....
well the one you posted....

your thread was the basis of this one

but I had NO IDEA we would be at level 3 :scared: :scared:
so right now I cannot explain


lost

[SPKrazy]

13. ideals...

and the reason for that thread

would be more easily discussed

not in another thread.

I was asked to come up with what I think of being an ideal.

I looked at things in my marriage that didn't work.

There is no "perfect" or "ideal" relationship.

There are lots of things that I never had in my marriage

that thread wasn't about you for one

and I can't explain it here either.

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

17. I did'nt think it was about me..... per say

thanks for that


puts things in perspective.
lets me know where I stand in the scheme of things

and actually where the people in my life belong
it has helped put my sitch in perspective



lost

[SPKrazy]

20. I think that in my mind

the things I said in my OP there are things I have had with you

and whether I have them again with you or not, I don't know.

But I can honestly say, I could have easily written that OP with you in mind.

I don't feel different about you in terms of what I wrote there... despite the fact that I was writing the antithesis of what I felt was in my marriage.

I guess in my mind you are, were, or could be the antithesis of that.

the sitch perspective I have anyway is that

:hug:

[zingaro]

10. Maybe once. Now?

Hell no.

Somebody who can't recognize the amazing glorious creature that is me is unworthy and would get a kind wave, a buh-bye, and the best of wishes as they continued upon their path, and I mine.

Change for no one. Change no one. If you're not meeting merrily in the middle, then it is not the middle you're supposed to walk. Choose another path and send them on their way with all the love in your heart.

You are what you are. That's more than enough and if it's not the right-fitting enough, then so be it.

[lost-in-nj]

12. excuse me!!!!!!!!!!!

did you invade my mind?????

this is my motto....


thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




lost

[zingaro]

14. very nice.

Great minds and all :)

[DarkTirade]

15. I am what I am.

If someone isn't going to want to be with me because I'm not who they want, then they're not going to want to be with me.

Doesn't mean I don't want to work to improve myself, but I'm not going to fundamentally change who I am for someone, no matter how much I may want to be with that person.

[lost-in-nj]

18. you are an awesome

person
and you let it out in the beginning

you are not hiding anything to anyone.....


and thats a good thing.....

your real

and yanno what!?!?!?!?

I like you!!!!

:hug:

lost

[DarkTirade]

21. Well, at least that makes two of us... :P

:hug:

[pokerfan]

16. I find it's easiest to keep expectations as low

as the relationship will bear such that the smallest gesture is appreciated. :P

[lost-in-nj]

19. yup

the smallest gesture.....

move my hair
wipe my shoulder
buy me a water.......

thanks pokerfan

:hug:

lost

[jojo54]

22. Take it from an old(er) married lady with this experience.....

DON'T ever try to change for someone. Don't try to improve for someone.....

...and worst of all, don't try to pretend for someone else.

You'll never get to where that "someone" wants you to be and you'll end up unhappy.

If there is a next time, that "someone" will have to take me as I am or kiss off!

[Parche]

23. what are you Gorn?

:rofl: :rofl:

i feel your pain

i ain't changin for no one, i am myself

peer pressure is a cop out, i have never bowed down to peer pressure...ever



:hi:


found gorn

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

24. I am what I am?

I yam what I am and that's all what I yam.
:rofl:



I guess I'd verify it, asking "Are you series??!!??" See if your so-called shortcomings are show-stoppers in any way. If so, why put up with being a disappointment?

hop on the bus, gus
make a new plan, stan
no need to be coy, roy
etc