Cracked.com: "8 Upcoming Movie Adaptations That Must Be Stopped" (#1: Sex And The City)

[Amerigo Vespucci]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/03/05/8-upcoming-movie-adaptations-that-must-be-stopped/

#8. HORTON HEARS A WHO

The main reasons to be afraid of this movie are the same reasons we should be salivating over it: It’s got cutting edge CG and features the voices of Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Carol Burnett, Steve Carell and Seuss veteran Jim Carey. Also Dane Cook, but there’s a good chance he’ll just be in one scene as a buzzard with ADHD who screams at Horton about how much he enjoys turkey sangwiches and rocking.

#7. GET SMART



I’m not sure even Steve Carell as the lead can help save this movie. And that’s coming from a guy who, so help me, even kind of enjoyed Evan Almighty and Dan in Real Life.

#6. MONOPOLY: THE MOVIE

Here’s the problem: Aside from Rich Uncle Pennybags and the cop who says “GO TO JAIL,” Monopoly’s entire cast of characters (with the exception of the dog) is a bunch of inanimate pewter objects. How do you make a board game out of that?

#5. DRAGONBALL

Why is it going to suck? Because there’s no way it’s going to be even remotely faithful, and let’s face it: the people who are going to be seeing this movie are primarily fanatical nerds who will shit a brick if Krillin doesn’t have the right number of dots on his forehead. Which, seriously, they better not fuck up or I swear to Piccolo I will blog about nothing else for a week.

#4. SPEED RACER



Why shouldn’t this film be made? Let me answer that question with another question: Has there ever been a live-action film adapted from a cartoon that SHOULD HAVE been made?

#3. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

#2. THE SIMS: THE MOVIE

PLEASE STOP MAKING VIDEO GAME MOVIE ADAPTATIONS. NONE OF THEM ARE ANY GOOD. THAT IS ALL.

#1. SEX AND THE CITY



Two minutes in, it became readily apparent that even sex was not worth the massive brain seizures I risked by watching four women live out all the negative aspects of my stereotyped mental vision of “gals on the go.”

[Javaman]

1. They are now through the barrel and into the ground. nt

[Blue_Tires]

10. way past that....digging to the center of the earth....

[Deja Q]

2. oK

#8 = And this ain't #1, because...?

#7 = Missed it by that much.

#6 = Well, if Tron was a movie...

#5 = Huh?

#4 = Based on the Devo song, I sincerely hope?

#3 = In Wal-mart at 11PM, obviously!

#2 = You're kidding? Just give people 40" HDTVs and hook them up to peoples' PCs. That'd cost much less than making an actual movie...

#1 = Gee, every movie involves a city... and lo and behold, lots of sex too.

[Westegg]

3. Monopoly? I call the car! ...

---Why can't I be the car for once?

---Because I'm always the car. Anyways, I just called it--

---But-but... You can be the shoe!

---I don't wanna be the shoe. The shoe's smelly.

---Well. Why can't you be the hat?

---Because Jimmy's always the hat, Duh!

---That's no fair.

---It is to fair. I called it!

---So what? Why can't you be the dog for once?

---Because dogs are stupid.

---So are you.

---I am NOT! Take it back.

---I'll take it back if I can be the car.

---Look. If I can't be the race car, I'm going home.

---Oh, oh, what are ya gonna do, cry about it? Look, the baby's cryin'!

---I am not, shut UP!

[Richard Steele]

5. I call the FORK. Clearly, this once-great nation is -DONE-!

:banghead: :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

[Giant Robot]

4. Sex and the City

"So this is a show about three hookers and their mom?"

Brian Griffin

[RFKHumphreyObama]

6. "Get Smart" is being made into a movie

:eyes:

PLEASE! JUST LEAVE THE OLD CLASSICS AS THEY ARE

[Amerigo Vespucci]

18. I place it on the same level as Steve Martin's "Pink Panther"...

...Blake Edwards spent YEARS taking FULL credit for the Pink Panther films, saying that Sellers didn't even understand half of the gags, that he just delivered the lines.

Edwards was wrong. I know that Sellers was a "different" kind of human being, but so are most people who possess the "genius gene."

The Panther films belonged to Sellers, Get Smart belonged to Don Adams.

:toast:

[NoPasaran]

7. Wasn't there already a Get Smart movie?

The "Nude Bomb", I think it was. And it sucked.

[Initech]

8. MONOPOLY?!?!?!! WTF?

Is there a "get out of jail free" card for this one?

[Sheets of Easter]

9. I think 'Trouble" would be a cool film.

With Ben Kingsley as the Pop-O-Matic.

[GreenPartyVoter]

13. LOL

[krispos42]

11. Hollywood has struck rock bottom

...and begun digging.

[GreenPartyVoter]

14. Oh yeah! Unbelievably pathetic

[krispos42]

15. There's a boatload of great hardcore sci-fi out there....

that's been waiting decades for the rise of awesome CGI effects to bring them to life.

Paging Larry Niven...

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. Yep. But I guess Hollywood thinks we can't handle that stuff.. or would be bored with it

x(

[Initech]

17. I'm tired of all the sequels and TV show remakes.

But an Arrested Development movie would be all kinds of fucking awesome.

[applegrove]

12. I cannot wait to see Sex and the City.

[Sheets of Easter]

19. In a world where green triangles and red circles vie for total domination,

one man holds the key to destiny in his blank.


Vin Diesel is Gene Rayburn in the action thriller of the summer.

MATCH GAME: THE MOVIE

Rated PG-13.