Do you monitor your children's online activities?

[pokerfan]

Now that football season is over, I find myself listening to Kim Komando on Sunday mornings. It's a nationally syndicated radio show that tracks all things digital from cameras to computers to cellphones.

The Kim Komando show

She had the divorced mom of a 13 year old call in who was concerned that her daughter had naked pictures of her sixteen(!) year old "boyfriend" as well as some fairly risqué pics of her daughter. Plus she can no longer get into her daughter's myspace.

Kim mentioned the following website:
The Dead Kids Of Myspace

It's stories like these that make me mind not so much I never had kids. So, do you snoop? In my mind, my kid's safety would trump any privacy issues.

[DarkTirade]

1. I don't have kids of my own

but I have a little sister and a neice, the former a tween, the latter a teen.

I think you just need to make sure the lines of communication are open and honest. And if your child won't let you know what's going on, then don't let them online. And let the child know that. Their ability to go online will depend on their willingness to let you be involved. The nice thing is you don't have to snoop all the time. If you have the ability to spot-check such things every now and then, and you talk to them about such things openly, it'll be a lot easier for them to keep to the straight and narrow.

As far as I know my parents never snooped when I was using the computer, but then again, I didn't have internet access in my own room when I was a teen. I had to use the family computer. Kinda hard to do anything I wouldn't want my parents knowing about in the middle of the living room. :)

[pokerfan]

2. Yeah

She said that both her and her ex had the computer in their living rooms but she was concerned that her ex was usually sleeping on the couch in front of the tv and that the kid can get can get at her myspace at school or the library.

It's more a matter of naiveté than intelligence. You could have the brightest 13 year old in the world who could simply be clueless about security.

It's a whole different world out there these days.

[Fleshdancer]

5. many schools will block certain websites for this reason

Given the problems MySpace has had in the past, I could see why schools would block it from their computers.

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. Exactly...

If you notice, most of WannaBe's activity is from school, during the day because I don't allow my kids (even at 18) free access to the home computers. It bit us in the butt anyway.

[LostinVA]

3. If I had kids, I know I would -- especially the girls

[Fleshdancer]

4. Years from now if my daughter gets a MySpace acct....

she will be forced to add me as a "friend" so I'll know what pics are posted and I'll know what other online "friends" she has.

She will not have a computer in her room. All computers will be located in the home office and the door will be open at all times. Her computer time, like her tv time, will be limited. She'll be told right away that the history will be checked periodically and if we find out that she divulged personal information to strangers in a chat room, she'll lose all computer privileges. She will not have a webcam. If she complains about privacy, I'll remind her that she gets no privacy on my computer. It's that simple.

I don't understand parents who ring their hands over situations like you mentioned in the OP. The mom has several options. She could actually talk to her daughter, talk to the parents of the boyfriend, unplug the computer, contact MySpace and explain the situation and request the acct be closed, etc.

[pokerfan]

10. One problem is that kids are often more technically adept

than their parents these days.

Combine technical prowess with ignorance and naiveté. Toss in puberty, teen angst, willingness to be accepted, etc. and shake well.

Good suggestions btw. I would probably go so far as to install a keylogger that only the admin can access and never tell the kid that it exists. Histories can be cleared but the keylogger catches everything.

Obviously communication (including the ex) is key and the radio host stressed that. Some interesting articles on her website:

How to control, or even block, MySpace

http://komando.com/kids/commandments.aspx">10 Commandments for Kids Online

More tips for kids and parents

[Fleshdancer]

13. fortunately my husband and I work in the computer industry

and we usually do a good job at keeping up with the advancements although I expect to be tested on this when Abby gets older.

I think a lot of communication and perspective is needed in this situation. AspieGrrl responded to this thread about her mom freaking out after discovering she was researching her own sexual orientation. Her mom obviously handled the situation very poorly.

I accept that Abby will search for topics related to sexuality and other topics that might give me the heebiejeebies as a parent, but I hope I'll remember to choose my battles carefully. My job as a parent will be to educate her to make smart decisions and to protect her from harmful people and situations that she may not notice or understand due to her inexperience. This applies to driving, dating and everything related to being a teenager...not just safe computer use.

[lightningandsnow]

18. I think the keyboard tracker is going a bit too far, personally.

It's like listening to a phone conversation.

I have a friend, who's older than me, who I kind of spill all my problems to. Occasionally over the internet, since she's in Laos at the moment. Phone calls would be really expensive.

Parents do not have to know everything a teenager does.

And I think accessing e-mails and such is wrong, personally. People aren't going to talk to their parents about everything...so, would you rather have them holding everything inside?

[Shakespeare]

17. I think you are a wonderfully responsible parent.

If I ever have kids, I'll be doing exactly the same thing. I think it borders on negligence to do anything else.

[lightningandsnow]

6. My mom used to "snoop"

And it led to one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.

When I was 13, I was just realizing that I was a lesbian, so naturally, I sought out one of the only sources of support I had - the internet.

My mom decided to "snoop" one day, and found out about my sexuality - long before I was ready to tell her.

She kind of flipped out. It was awful.

Things are okay now, but I still think what she did was wrong. It was terrible following that.

I wasn't engaged in illicit activity. I was just being myself.

Think of that before you go looking through your kid's stuff, OK?

[DarkTirade]

11. Which is why I recommend snooping from a distance and as little as possible.

There are things I did online that I wouldn't want my parents knowing about too... thankfully my parents knew the differnce between keeping tabs on me and snooping on me.

My parents also never went through my things when I wasn't there either. I was a big shocked when I found out some parents do that. I can understand snooping on the kid's internet... because they're dealing with other people there. But the privacy of their own room? That's just wrong.

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. We were those "rotten" parents, the ones who didn't let their children

on the internet very often. When she did get a Myspace, I got one two and added her to friends...

I learned the very hard way that sometimes that isn't enough.

[OmahaBlueDog]

9. Here's what I did

I restricted the rating on my daughter's websites. This means, as a practical matter, that almost any new website I haven't approved is inaccessible.

We'll let her go to more sites on the family computer in the living room, where we can monitor activities.

We don't allow any Myspace access

[dropkickpa]

12. I do

Dropkid is only 7, but I have only specific sites she is allowed to visit online (disney, nick, pbs kids, etc). I check on her every 15 minutes when she is on the computer, and time is limited to 1.5 hours/day on the weekend, 1 hour on weekdays.

[GreenPartyVoter]

14. Mine are 8 and 10 and they have to get permission to go on the 'net and can only go

to certain sites.

I remember when my youngest son was about 4 or 5 and he connected to an online game of Tony Hawk. He got an eyeful of bad words (yes he could read them) but on the plus side he was really whoopin those big kids' butts. LOL

[Deja Q]

15. In this day and age, to not monitor their childrens' activities would be negligence.

:(

13 is too young.

Never mind predators.

Parents NEED to give a damn.

[The Animator]

16. Your doing it wrong