"The Other Woman" and marriage

[Pryderi]

Personally, I have believed that when a partner in a marriage has an affair, it is the cheater that is the responsible party, not the person the partner had the affair with.

After all, it's the husband or wife that has made the commitment to be faithful to their partner, not the 3rd person that has sex with one of the partners.

Does a woman or man who has an affair with a married partner respect and believe in the institution of marriage?

[suninvited]

1. How can they?

In order to believe in marraige you have to respect marraige. Not just your own.

[Pryderi]

2. Perhaps it's because they've never been in love nor in a serious relationship

in the past?

[IronLionZion]

11. That was my case

I had sex with a married woman because I had never been in a relationship and had not had much success with dating and here comes along a woman who wanted to have sex with me and told me all the sexy things she was going to do for me. That can get a guy like me to do things.

Later on, when I had a girlfriend and told her about my past, she was furious that I hadn't respected someone else's marriage. Even when I told her that the woman's husband wouldn't have sex with her. I wouldn't do that ever again.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. people lie to other people. i dont think you can know, unless you are the other person

maybe you were told that this person was on the verge of divorce. maybe you were told that he/she is in an open marriage. maybe you were told that they are in an abusive relationship.

maybe you dont care, because its not you who made the vows.

[Dora]

4. Generalizations get us in trouble. I was there, and I respect and believe in marriage.

Relationships, whether married or not, are complicated creatures. I loved him then and I love him now. His ex has moved on with her life, and after the divorce she plumbed the issues that she didn't have the courage to face when she was married to my husband. He and I now have 15 years of deep history together, 6 years of marriage, and a beautiful 3 year old son.

[Ellen Forradalom]

10. Thank you.

Relationships are complicated creatures, indeed. I see it in everyone around me.

[IndianaJones]

5. in the case of a husband, the other woman is usually at fault mostly. nt.

[Fran Kubelik]

13. joke?

I don't think I understand.

[IndianaJones]

15. temptation, downfall of man, that whole deal. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. agreed. its always the womans fault

[Ellen Forradalom]

18. Can we help it if we're just so damned sexy??

C'mon people. Cut us some slack.

[Karenina]

19. Did you forget the sarcasm tag?

SHE is not the problem. HE is the problem.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. here's the thing though, when we see blatant sexism we yell and scream

but this sort of madonna-whore situation is all over GD and we take those opinions without imo the necessary outrage.

[MorningGlow]

27. No.

It takes two--always.

[youthere]

6. I don't believe it's the responsibility of the person being cheated with...

personally, I'd never be involved with a married guy...no matter what he said, but that's me. And they may or may not respect the institution of marriage...there are plenty of people who don't believe in marriage that still wouldn't involve themselves in an affair with a married person.

[Orsino]

7. Marriages aren't all alike.

In an open relationship, an affair is not disruptive. It's probably more important to ask whether the person having the affair respects his or her partner.

[BarenakedLady]

8. Alienation of Affection?

I don't feel it should be something you can use in a court matter.

Other than that, I don't make generalization about relationships and the people in them. Circumstances are varied and unknowable to outside parties.

[Ellen Forradalom]

9. Riddle me this. Does the person who refuses to fuck his or her spouse

respect the institution of marriage?

[zingaro]

12. Ask my husband.

Oh wait - he already showed his disrespect by cheating on me right? Double trouble, then?

:rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

16. Oy vey.

At that rate, may as well get zoo animals involved!

:rofl:

[zingaro]

17. Yeah, you'd think.

Fortunately we don't have room for cages. But one that might eat him alive...now that I might approve of. :)

oops was that out loud? O8)

[Ellen Forradalom]

20. Sssh...there is a Lioness in this thread

:rofl:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. yes, but i am very discerning about what i put in my mouth

:P

[Karenina]

23. Good one!

:rofl:

[zingaro]

24. TRUST me when I say

you would most certainly NOT in this case. :)

The indigestion would be unthinkable.

[BarenakedLady]

25. Would it be as bad as

what I expect to experience after I finish this bowl of cooked brussel sprouts and onions?

:rofl:

:hi:

[zingaro]

28. Worse.

Far, far worse.

Add in some really greasy cheeseburgery nastiness and some fried up drippy sausagey sort of stuff along with some really stinky stuff, like blue cheese. You have a starting poing then.

Because I love brussels sprouts and onions. :)

:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. It depends. One, IMO, the cheater has always done a shit thing.

But, if the "accomplice" is unknowing of the marital status how can they be expected to respect something they didn't know existed. If a man/woman goes out after a married partner knowingly? Well, then that's another thing altogether.

[Gormy Cuss]

29. That's pretty much the way I see it too, MrsG

If you've made a commitment to have an exclusive relationship, having an affair is a pretty shitty (and IMHO immature) thing to do. As for the third party, knowing that you're entering into a relationship with someone who is still married and enabling that shitty behavior is something I just don't understand and probably never will.

[Pryderi]

30. In your opinion, if the "accomplice" knows that their partner is married, and has sex, does

that mean that the "accomplice" has no respect for the institution of marriage?

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. I would seriously question that person's respect for the institution.

[timtom]

32. For whatever reason, there are moments of weakness

While I've been faithful lo, these 25 years, there have been other relationships/marriages that didn't turn out so well.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. i think very honestly it seem like you are looking for permission to dislike someone

whether or not we think its ok, if you feel betrayed by someone you have the right to be mad at them.