I hope you're as excited as I am!!! Another new Chick track - woohoo!!!!

[LynneSin]

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1042/1042_01.asp?wpc=1042_01.asp&wpp=a

[BarenakedLady]

1. Ok I don't get it.

What did John throw away? The bible doesn't splat.

:shrug:

[LynneSin]

Did you read the article - did you read the whole thing damnit

:eyes:

[BarenakedLady]

4. Hell NO!

My god women, that's WORK!



ok, fine...I'll go read it

[Inchworm]

8. Can I put in a request for a summary?

The cartoon went nowhere :D

Hi, you!

:hi::hug:

[BarenakedLady]

9. Oh it's the usual

Sinful people are doomed to a horrible death, blah blah blah...

Hi Inchy

:hi:

[Inchworm]

11. Dude!

I saw Jesus today! That was enough!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7579984

:P

[Orsino]

24. If you hurl Jesus against a wall...

...he will kill you slowly, and ridicule you in a poorly-drawn comic.

[theredpen]

33. The message is that no matter what you do, the evil janitor will triumph

Janitor comes from "Janus," the two-faced god of the Romans. Janus was the "keeper of the keys" so janitor originally meant someone who had access to all parts of the building — a caretaker.

Janus controls your fate and is the god of death and rebirth. Chick is trying to point out here that Janus is more powerful than Jesus. At least that's what I get from this.

[LynneSin]

52. Only dark skin, heavily tattoo'd janitors

The bad janitors are never of pale skin or unmarked, at least in Jack Chick's world

[LostinVA]

2. That made even less sense than the average Chick Tract

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. Yep. LOL

[LeftyMom]

3. Who knew the quality of those things could do downhill?

The Death Cookie it's not, let alone a real classic like Dark Dungeons.

[LostinVA]

7. Who knew they could run out of material?

[LeftyMom]

12. The one about Islam as a Moon God cult a while back got points for origniality.

This sounds like one of those hokey parables pastors get out of books and shoehorn into their sermon.

[yardwork]

54. I think it was the poorest example of a Chick tract I've seen.

Aren't there any new pagans = satanist ones? Those are my favorites. And the queer-bashing ones, of course.

This one went on way too long.

[MrCoffee]

10. Ohhh...Dark Dungeons

I love me some Dark Dungeons!!! I learned that you can use the mind bondage spell to get ol' Dad to pony up for the D&D...thanks Jack!

[LostinVA]

17. A friend's D&D name is Blackleaf (wait, is that right?)

This new tract is so disappointing. We need a good anti-Catholic one.

[hunter]

41. The Janitor is obviously Catholic.

I've seen him at Mass.

[Random_Australian]

22. I loved The Death Cookie.

Oooh! And "Somebody Goofed", which has to be my all-time favourite.

The atheist pulls of his mask to reveal he is, in fact, *gasp* SATAN!

:rofl:

[theredpen]

34. I've actually seen that in real life

Atheists pull off their masks to reveal that they're Satan more often than you'd think.

[AwakeAtLast]

56. Why do I hear the Church Lady in my head?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[AwakeAtLast]

57. Maybe he's using a ghost writer?

Oh, wait - I doubt that! ;)




:rofl:

[MrCoffee]

6. Meth's a hell of a drug, Jack

Methinks we need to stage an intervention for poor Jack.

[theredpen]

32. Jack! That isn't "Jesus" you're injecting!

[youthere]

37. HA! That's the first thing I thought of when I read the first two panels...

Crank Bugs.

[Ariana Celeste]

13. I was actually handed a couple of these the other week

At a bus transit stop. A little old lady was walking around with a cart that had hundreds of these sitting in it, handing them out to every person she came by. In the cold, rain, wind. I took what she handed me and showed them to my Christian brothers, even they were disgusted.

[LanternWaste]

14. My pal Alan goes to comic book conventions ...

My pal Alan goes to comic book conventions across the country and he's told me that Chick tracts are now just as collectible as (insert comic book hero here) comics are. Collectors are looking for first editions in mint condition (continue sentence with comic book collector gobbledygook).

Who knew... (other than comic book geeks, that is)? :shrug:

[alphafemale]

36. That really doesn't surprize me.

His work is really very distinctive looking.

I sometimes wonder what type of comic artist he might have been if he hadn't been religiously deranged.

[LanternWaste]

39. R. Crumb, maybe...?

"type of comic artist he might have been if he hadn't been religiously deranged."

R. Crumb, maybe...? :evilgrin:


(I only say that because both are very, very visually distinctive and disturbing)

[mainegreen]

15. Did I see Dr House make an appearance in that?

Sure looked like House.

[hunter]

16. Good One!

Those guys Dr. Bowers met in Switzerland were obviously confidence men.

Any reputable Pharmaceutical company would have had the medicine personally delivered to the hospital by one of their own reps, probably a very sexy one who shows lots of cleavage!

Then later, after they'd given Mr. Jungle Adventure his shot while he was distracted staring at her boobs, she'd buy lunch for everyone on staff, and the bill would go to the guy's insurance company or some other place of equally incomprehensible mystery.

Wow, just wow... those ballsy Swiss guys ripped that old fool off for six figures, and made him fly off to Switzerland to do it! Lot's of fake preachers would like in on that kind of action.

Sorta sad 'bout his son though, especially if he got dragged off into the everlasting fire because his dad was an idiot. :(

Nooooooo!

[youthere]

38. Not near as good as "OOPS" though..

remember it was adapted especially for black audiences. :rofl:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1108/1108_01.asp

[Dr. Strange]

18. Vaccines?

Did you write this, turtlensue?

:rofl: :rofl:

[madinmaryland]

19. Pffth! I'm just about as excited about this...

On January 24th, 2009, in the oval office of the new Democratic president:

The Secretary of Defense is giving the President the daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

The President's staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "One Brazilian is too many! I am glad that we are beginning to draw down our presence in Iraq and put an end to this long national nightmare."

:(

[bertha katzenengel]

20. can they get any lamer?

sheesh

[LeftyMom]

21. Oh dear, there's a spoof up already.

http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=9649

[zanne]

26. The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Futility!

:applause:

[LynneSin]

29. OMG I almost pissed myself from laughing so hard - that was really good

[laconicsax]

45. Wow

:rofl:

dare you to post this in GD-P

[LynneSin]

51. I dog double dare you to

:woohoo:

[jobycom]

23. So the motto is either: Gods should always use airbags, or never trust janitors.

I think.

[LynneSin]

27. Only ethnic looking janitors with lots of tattoos

All the bad ones are ethnic looking with lots of tattoos

[zanne]

25. That is a nun story!

When I was in Catholic grammar school, nuns used to tell us stories like that all the time! (1950's) I now consider those nun stories to be a vaccine against believing crap.

[youthere]

28. What? No Lesbians? No Abortions? No Witchcraft? Jack Chickhas jumped the shark.

[hunter]

42. Look, Mr. Adventure had a homosexual tryst with a guy in the jungle.

Since it's Chick, you can guess what sort of guy...

But then Mr. Adventure accepted his homosexuality and was briefly euphoric about that.

His doctor flew off to Switzerland to get an expensive medical potion that would cure Mr. Adventure of his contageous homosexuality and whatever nasty STD he got by having rough sex in the jungle with a male prostitute who bites.

Unfortunately the evil Catholic janitor turned Mr. Adventure against his doctor, and made him refuse the cure for homosexuality. Mr. Adventure died of multiple nasty homosexual diseases and was tossed into the eternal fire because the Catholic Church is a secret front organization for Satan himself.

It's rather subtle for Chick, but it's all there.

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Wow. Even for a Chick tract, that was bad. And that's saying something.

[theredpen]

31. What I love most about Chick tracks are the realistic scenarios

It really helps you get into the smug disdain for humanity.

[alphafemale]

35. WTF?! The guy's an "Ungrateful Wretch" for being mentally altered?

And driven insane by a toxin eating him alive?

Wow.

That's a skewed, sick outlook even for a Chick Tract.

[Redbear]

40. I think there is one tract that is far and away the best ever!

Last Generation

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp


One world government, a kid who dresses like a Nazi, and the New Age Healer costume is fantastic.

[jmowreader]

44. The last panel in that one is the best

According to Chick, little Bobby died and went to Hell because he didn't pray the Sinner's Prayer.

Having his grandpa whacked for being a fundamentalist had NOTHING to do with it.

[AwakeAtLast]

58. It's New Age Healerman!

Because ALL New Age Healers wear stuff like that. :crazy:


:rofl:

[harmonicon]

43. wow, they're really stretching for material

I LOVE chick tracts, but that one made no damn sense whatsoever.

[distantearlywarning]

46. Um...ok.

That didn't really make sense.

[XemaSab]

47. Does this have a plot?

Because if it does I'm not following it. :shrug:

[CreekDog]

48. i thought he was raptured by now

:shrug:

[RadiationTherapy]

49. SEE!? ALL fucking janitors are EVIL. FUCKING JANITORS!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Dooooo Nooooooot Waaaaaaannnnnt!!

[Xithras]

50. LOL, most of you are missing the story. It's not about vaccines or janitors.

Man is sick.
Doctor (God) wants to save him
Doctor (God) does everything he can to heal him
Doctor (God) gives the life of his only son (Jesus) to save the man
Janitor (Satan) injects doubt into the man about the Doctor's (God's) motives.
Man rejects Doctor's (God's) offer of salvation.
Man realizes he's made a mistake, but it's too late.
Man dies a horrible death.

It's Christian allegory about God's desire to help us all and how you only hurt yourself by rejecting his salvation.

/gag

One of the upsides to having uber-fundie relatives is that you learn to interpret this crap.

[hunter]

53. Well that makes the story an ugly bit of blasphemy, doesn't it?

That's what is so delightful about Chick's mangled theology. It is dripping with evil, and he doesn't seem to know it. One can almost poke through it hoping to find that little clue that proves it is all sly satire... but the ultimate joke seems to be that it's not.

[TrogL]

55. Heresy as usual

Plus, it's chock full of logical fallacies.